In Due Time
What’s your next, most pressing deadline? Are you excited, stressed, or ambivalent about it? What’s the first thing you’d like to do once you’re done with it?
For me I have been working very, very hard on not thinking about tomorrow. I didn’t realize I was so bad about worrying and stressing about the tomorrows until Al passed and I had more time to think about my life.
I have been stressed and not feeling the best of late, so every time I catch myself thinking about the what ifs I stop and give it all to God. Last night I was so bad I was actually brushing my shoulders off as I was telling God to take all my baggage off of me.
I know that for now I am going to try my best to enjoy Christmas. Spending it with my family. Living for today only. Asking God what he wants me to do just for today. After Christmas and New Year’s Day is over, I know that I must have some sort of income coming in.
I will do my best to rely on answers to my prayers. It is going to be real tough, because I like to know that I am making sure that I will be alright without help from anyone. I don’t know my future. I don’t know if I will find work or even if I do, will my balance be well enough to perform the job.
You see how in a matter of seconds I could make that last paragraph go on and on with questions? Stressing out the tomorrows. It isn’t healthy for me, and I can’t fix tomorrow when nothing right now is broken. So my deadline is for this moment, this day, I will wait, be silent, pray and listen.