Dreams


What is a dream.

1. A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.
2. A daydream; a reverie.
3. A state of abstraction; a trance: wandering around in a dream.
4. A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration: a dream of owning their own business.
5. A wild fancy or unrealistic hope: He knew that playing for a professional team was only a dream.
6. Informal One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful: Her boyfriend is a dream.
Do you dream? What do you dream about? I know for myself, I have dreams, a few of them. I would love to be an inspirational speaker for MSA. I would like to try writing the song words to a tune someone has.
But. if we dream, do we do just that; or do we act upon the thoughts. Who puts those dreams in our head? Some of you may say, yourself, others may state that God places it there.
Since my brother has passed I have been in a big limbo. I have been stuck in the past. My brain knows I need to move on, but my body doesn’t follow. I am somewhere in the middle.
I have opened my mind, let some light in and now have the dreams that I mentioned. What next? This is where I am stuck at in the moment.
I live in a small town. I have contacted a few newspapers in my area about my photography. I have tried spreading my name around in Facebook and even put together a page about MSA and let others know I am willing to travel to them to speak about MSA through a caregiver’s eyes.
I have had some photos put in our tiny newspaper. I have even introduced myself to the local paper company.
I am working at it; but I also feel stuck. How do I know these dreams of mine are real? Are they actually fantasy dreams? Is this something I can do?
I can’t sit around here waiting for my money to run out. I need a job. I guess in a way I am selfish now that I am almost sixty-one. I don’t want to try to take care of sick people any longer. I don’t want a job where I can be replaced at a tip of the hat. I want to be doing something for God, but yet finding peace within what I am doing.
This sounds pretty darn selfish doesn’t it? I should be thinking that any job that puts food on the table should be good enough for me. After all, who do I think I am? When I have these type of thoughts, I back off.
I remember my parents words about not acting like I am something I am not. My father’s famous words when I was little was, Children should be seen and not heard. Why can’t I be heard now that I am a grown-up? Why can’t I be noticed?
Hasn’t God given each of us a talent? My daughter tells me when ever we talk about this topic that my talent is in talking. I do admit she makes a good point.
I was the one in college that loved to get up first and talk about my speech in Public Speaking class. My grandmother used to tell me when I was five years old that I was a chatter box. She stated I never shut-up. So is this one of my talents; speaking?
So why can’t I find a way to use it? I have been suffering this weekend from mild depression. I have looked at everything in the negative. I have noticed how old I am. Too old to start something new. I don’t know anyone here. This town isn’t big enough for me. No one is really interested in MSA or my photographs.
Wow, I finally got down so bad that I was noticing every single ache and pain I was having. Eating was difficult to do, cooking was even worse. I felt ill inside.
My friend told me to listen to Joyce Meyers. Usually I do what she ask of me, and this was no different.
The topic I picked was Follow Your Dreams. She said we all need to dream. She said it was hard sometimes to make dreams happen. I agree with this.
So here I sit, a little more uplifted than earlier; but still don’t know what to do or where to go next. I wish God would tap me over the head and turn my head in the direction I need to head towards.
I know I have a dream, but now what.

Lost


Lost

Forever moving

Can’t see anything

Don’t know my way

When does it finally change

When I see things  crystal clear

When life feels so right

When smiles are natural

When I like myself

I will wait

Continue on

Lost

Terry Shepherd

01//3/2015

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