Back in the day, in fact, I remember it clearly; March, 2011. I was caring for my brother. I thought our lives were so extinct compared to others around us. I thought Al, my brother had it just terrible.
The news of realizing he had Multiple System Atrophy, (MSA) devastated me more than it did Al, with his mental disability, I am not positive that he understood his fate in life as well as I did.
I had begun to pray daily, sometimes several times a day. I prayed out of guilt. The fact, that Al could no longer work nor drive, had forced me to give up my paying job and begin the roller coaster ride for the next three years of taking care of him.
Little did I know that the day God answered my prayer about getting a job that pays, was truly a job that paid much more than any President could ever acquire. Lessons on patience, giving and not expecting anything in return, learning about the routine and how it can and will be broken, are huge lessons that pay more than life itself.
I took care of Al and God’s answered prayer to begin writing was a beginning of a new life for someone in her fifties. I discovered the talent that God gifted me with when I learned I could write heart-felt, short stories that others connected with.
I learned I could write poetry. I opened up new doors and began speaking to anyone who would listen to me about MSA. My heart opened so wide I began to receive the true message of what love really is.
Love is not really about being with that special mate, or the giddiness we feel when our better half looks at us in that special way. Love is giving of ourselves. Without harming our spirit, we grow, we prosper by listening with our souls to those who are in need of the human voice or touch.
I didn’t know what blogging was. I didn’t believe that little old me had anything worthy to say that could affect another human life until one day I received a comment from another blogger. I don’t remember the exact words. I do know that in a lot of my blogs I write about God and humanity; and this had been one of those blogging post.
This particular blogger had told me that in that precise second he read my post, I had saved his life. I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t think I had that kind of effect on anyone. He told me that he was getting ready in the next few minutes to commit suicide by taking an over dose of pills.
Something he had read in my post had triggered a tenderness that made him realize that he was worth living. I am not God by any means; but I do believe that God answered my prayer. He used me as his tool to help others who are in pain. He helped me to spread the word of God through a blank screen in my own living room. He taught me that money is good, but the word of God, the understanding and empathy for others is much more valuable.
Today, I still struggle. I still have to have talks with God constantly. I have problems like the rest of us. I have teeth issues that are in need of hundreds of dollars with no dental insurance.
I have gait and tremors that are preventing me of finding a paying job that I can do. I don’t want to worry; but I find myself doing it anyways because I am not perfect, and God knows what is going to happen, and he is going to take care of me exactly at the right moment. Something or someone will happen in my life, and I will not end up on the homeless list, nor will I ever see my refrigerator totally bare.
Today, once again I was taught another lesson. I had to go back and remember why did God have me begin writing? What had I learned by caring for Al ? What had I learned from those seven years of his illness?
When I worry too much God will show me very clearly that although I can’t see my future, I am very blessed. The lessons he shows me are so clear, I can never doubt that it comes from God.
There is a blogger out here in the world that I don’t hear from too often. He is sick like my brother was. I have come to the realization that he is an angel being sent by God to make me remember how powerful and loving God is. I read the comment and once again, hearing from him, ripped at my seams. Opened the flood gates of tears, making me realize how fortunate I am.
I am so rich in life. God has given me every tool he has to help me become the person he wants me to be. It is up to me, whether I use those tools or not; but how can I not pay attention when the angel, a dear friend, who suffers from the devil’s disease as Al did, writes to me.
This is what I saw, this is what he wrote, and this is how I know that writing is what I am supposed to continue to do. We can’t go wrong when we follow the lead of our heavenly father.
I know there are those who don’t believe, and there are those who question. This post is not to try to convince you. I guess you could call this My Testimony. Here are his words. I want to add to his words, I love you Michael, from one friend to another. In faith we will walk this path together. You are not alone. God is right beside you. My spirit is there with you. You are a warrior my friend.
“Dont want too see people much at all,i dont want themlooking at me .Iam embarassed for them.Iused to love being anywhere with lots of people,now i cannot bear it .I talk quitely and stammer and i have tremmor on my right side .You know the rest Terry.I am still here fighting to stay alive as long as i can.I love the fact you had a bargain today precious Terry.Now other than my wonderful family ,you are the only person i talk to.It is getting so difficult to communicate .Sometimes i dont know who or where i am.Istill think of Al and you whenever my mind comes back,from the horrendous journeys it takes me on.Phisicaly and mentaly exhausted,hurting so much ilook forward to seeing your writings and messages.Al and yourself and what you went through prior to his death have gave me an insight into the dark spiteful .vicious ways this monster kills you from within. .My body and my brain have almost given their all,and i am so ill,keep writing and thinking of Al.You know our love and hearts are always there with you.We wish you nothing but the best Terry,especially for your patience and kindness you have shown me and others.May your God protect you from all evil in our world and love and cherish you for the sweet angel that you are. Michael .”
You may write a poem in any style or form about your public persona- who are YOU? What do YOU project to the world? Explanation about your poem is permissible. Photos with your post will be deleted. You may post as many poems as you want but comments are counted per poem only.
Winner will be judged by the most original comments. One person can make many comments but only counts as one comment for winning at the end of the time limit. Your own comments do not count because you cannot judge your own poem. Comments being counted begins on June 2nd, 9:30pm if this event was posted earlier than stated date/time.
Contest will be from June 2 until June 9, 9:30 pm. All members are invited to enter this contest. You can add your friends to join. Challenge them.
Administrators may post examples of poems but are not eligible to win. Administrators can like your poems but their comments do not count.
A new prompt will be posted every week. Winner will be posted on the main group page
COWARD IN MOTION
A coward I scream
Through tears that stream
I can’t see anything else
This was taught to myself
Through yelling and hitting
And beating and spitting
How could I possibly see more
Than a giant, black door
Then one day you walked in
And you explained of my sin
You said it wasn’t my fault
Told me to stop and to halt
The negativity you say
Is keeping the spirit away
It took days and weeks
Until the venom did leak
It ran down my face
It spewed all over the place
Then one day I looked in the mirror
I was shocked with no fear
I saw a beautiful kitten
So wonderfully smitten
I learned I still had the fight
A strength to build up my life
I saw nothing but peace
I had a new life and lease
If it were not for you
Seeing my life through and through
I would still be crying those tears
And living solely in fear.
Today, I spent a couple of hours at a local auction. It was an antique auction and I knew it would be a big one and draw a large crowd; which it did. I can’t handle the gigantic crowds anymore. I don’t know if it is because of Al’s illness and death and I am a little off my normal anymore, or maybe I should blame it on getting older.
Anyways, I love antiques. I definitely don’t need anymore. Before moving from Kentucky back to Indiana, I sold so much stuff. Things with really no attachment, but items I really loved. So, I went with the idea that maybe I could pick up a small thing or two. After all, an apartment is not one that can hold a lot of extras.
I love dolls, which I got rid of all of them but found this doll today that no one seemed interested in. I knew it was worth something. The darkened arms and legs with the whiter head made me aware it was an Ideal,Magic Skin doll. It went so cheap, I couldn’t resist it. When I took it to the car, I shook it a little because if I was thinking right; this doll was a crier doll. Guess what? The crier inside it’s body still works. No damages, no fingers or toes missing. I got a real deal.
I also collect Shakers. These are the larger bottles that hold spices. They are getting a little harder to find and I got lucky on these also. I bought a pair of green ones with good lids much cheaper than the antique stores sell them for.
I was happy. When I left, I was smiling and I knew I had got a great bargain today.
His daddy’s eyes
Reflect in my mind
The way he walks
That laugh I swear
Is in the genes
One day he yelled
Come look at me
“I wear Daddy’s hat
Am I a handsome boy”?
I gulped I swallowed
I fought back tears
Looking at him
Looking in a mirror
Now today I
Am old and gray
My little boy
Is still away
He says he
Will continue to fight
For what his daddy
Lost that night
I have been blessed
To know these two
My husband, my hero
And little Soldier Boy too.
was the winner of a poetry contest. I couldn’t reach my own back to pat it, so I am sharing the news with you. Thanks for stopping by and reading.