Blinded by the light, he saw nothing. Screaming and bombs going off all around him. He prayed; he prayed that he may see light again. He thought of his wife of only 2 years. Even through the darkness he could see her tears flowing down her cheeks as the minister announced he could kiss his bride. The tiny grip that held fast around his finger. The smell of new life still lingered in his nostrils. Peach fuzz softer than anything he had ever touched. His baby girl; a product of the love he had for his wife. He could see the smiling faces of the two who had raised him. The gentle squeeze of his mother’s slender fingers and the grip that rested on his shoulders from his father as they waved goodbye. He could still see her pulling a white hankie from her purse and dabbing at her tears and the arms that wrapped around her trying to soothe away the pain from watching their son get on the dull-green bus. Someone tugged at his shirt. “Are you ok buddy? Are you ok”? This was the last words he remembered as he sunk into a darkness he had never visited before. He never felt his helmet being pulled off. He never saw the tears that were shed when the soldier took in all of the injuries. He never knew that he had been pulled back out of gunshot. He never knew the risk that had been taken to save a life. Coolness came over him. Strange voices muttered amongst the room as his mind became aware he was not dead. . He was alive. He had been rescued. It was over and he was on his way home. Two voices he recognized; mom and dad’s. A familiar hand rested upon his hand and he instantly knew it was his wife. They were close. He could smell their familiar scent. Old Spice, his dad; Timeless, his mother; Musk, his wife. Where was his daughter? He wanted to hear a scream, a cry, a giggle, anything? Was she alright? Someone’s cold hand moved his eye lid open. Soft-spoken words coming from the background. There has been no change. The swelling on the brain has not come down. Blindness will be permanent, but he has everything else. This is one lucky son-of-a-bitch to have gotten out of that spot alive. Blindness, permanent, those two words stung in his heart and burned in his mind. He would never see again. He could hear crying. He could hear noses being blown. He could hear soothing words coming from his father as he tried to comfort the family. A baby cried and as the sound neared he heard his wife say, ” I want Grace to be with her daddy, just one more time”. He screamed but no one heard him. He shouted at the top of his mind, ” I am not dead! See me! I am not dead! I am alive”. No one seemed to hear him. He lay there still, listening to the sounds around him, taking in the visions in his mind of yesterdays gone by.
Things are changing in my life. It is getting more difficult to move and my steadiness is pretty unsteady. I have given notice to my landlord and to my work place. I will be moving in to my daughter’s home in Kentucky at the end of August.
Two days ago at work, my boss; during a very busy few minutes, came up to where my trainer and I were sitting entering the several people standing in line wanting to see case workers.
I sit right beside my trainer so she can watch me for mistakes and correct them before damage is done. My boss said to my trainer, that I was not to be on the computer any longer since I had given notice.
I was shocked and frightened to hear this because I struggle daily to do my job. I like sitting at the computer entering data because there is barely any walking involved. When I over heard this I became worried.
When the crowd disappeared I stepped back from the computer and went to the boss. I asked her if I had heard her right and she said yes. She said she was going to train me on something new and I asked why.
With no reply I voiced my opinion which must have been a bad thing. I told her I didn’t see any purpose in training me for 10 hours, which is what I had left. I told her I preferred to spend those last ten hours at the computer because I knew I could handle it.
Obviously she didn’t like it and when I went in to work this morning, the second boss called me into the private office and told me because of my health issues, they were not going to hold me until Friday of this week, which was to be my last day. They were letting me go today.
I was upset and humiliated because I have never been let go from a job; plus I knew the boss must have not like me telling her my thoughts. Maybe I was wrong, maybe not, but it is over. I was sent home.
Now here I sit at the computer which is mine writing this. I guess I can start separating and packing what I will be taking with me to my daughter’s and what I am going to be parting with a day early.
I don’t feel any better after writing this and I hoped I would. I have learned a valuable lesson. Keep my mouth shut. Do what others ask; even if I have fears or opinions. The good things that came from this job is my new experience with data entry and the fact that on my chart it states clearly that I was released from my job due to health reasons.