Haloween

It is Saturday late afternoon. A Happy Halloween to all who celebrate this spooky day. There is hustle and bustle among my family now. Getting last minte touch-ups for costumes. Getting light projector ready for the spook show this evening outside. Several lit jacj-o-lanterns, hanging ghosts, fake-looking injured people laying in the yard, lots of white cob webs clinging to bushes.

It brings back so many good memories from my own childhood for Halloween. We left at dark with our big, paper sack from the Kroger store. Back then we went from dark until the last porch light went off. So everyone have a fun ans safe evening.

Warming The Heart

I went to bed listening to high winds that chilled to the bones. This morning, grey clouds, the same winds greeted me. This all leads to the sureity that winter is nearing.

I used to not care for winter, but anymore, I really detest it. The cold goes to my bones and makes them feel brittle. I smoke outside so it isn’t rare to see me in thick sleeper pants with a hoodie first thing in the mornings.

I try to find the beauty in days like this, but I end up having to find beauty inside the home. Seeing the one  year old smile and hearing his giggles, warms my heart.

On the weekends the entire family sits down to breakfast together and talk about the day’s events to come. Through the week nights, supper brings out one of this family’s traditions. The adults become quiet and the two oldest boys slightly argue about who is going first. What that means is, they each get to tell about their entire day. They talk about what they learned, they ask questions maybe about homework. I really enjoy it and watching the sparkle in their eyes as they become the main attraction, warms my heart.

Each of the two older ones carry their plates to the sink. They clear and rinse off their plates. Each one has age appropriate chores to do and showing mom school papers and doing homework is a must, and is checked.

After dinner is over we all retire to the basement. There we watch movies on the big projection screen, or games are played. The other night we all had a THROW ALL THE BALLS AT EACH OTHER NIGHT.

The balls were small and soft. Watching and being a part of this fun time and giggles, warmed my heart.
What warms your heart on cloudy, windy, Fall days?

The Invisible Illness

I woke up with tremors this morning. Ths about told me what my day had in store for me. I ate my breakfast and went back to bed to fight the battle.

Fortunately these tremors didn’t eat up my entire day like they usually do. By 1, they were gone. Although they make me feel weak throughout the day, I am definitely feeling better.

I ate lunch. My son asked me to go with him to look for a set of glass firedoors for their fireplace, but I turned them down. I knew I would ruin their adventure sine I was too weak to keep up with them.

A lot of folks don’t understand illness unless they have experienced it or can see it. My tremors are internal. If i am having a real bad day, then the tremors will show externally through my hands, legs and head.

My son asked me if I was pretty much going to stay inside during my visit. I said no and tried to explain my tremors, but I am not sure if he understood. Afterall, I could stand and walk, although I feel I look a little under the effects of the bottle.

So I guess in the end I am asking for understanding. if someone turns down an invite, don’t take it personal. Lastly, just because you can not see the ailment, it does not mean it doesn’t exist. Have a great Fall day my friends.

Kicking Back

Last night I lay in bed waiting for sleep to come. It was one of those nights where I kick myself to the curb a few times over.

One of my biggest weaknesses is STUCK IN HELL SYNDROME. I don’t visit there often, thank goodness, but when I do, I tend to over stay my own welcome.

It take only a few words from another human to send me rolling like a headless snowman back into my past. This is what happened last night.

I will look over each chapter of my life. I will diagnose, try to fix and move on, but in many instances, we all know the past can’t be fixed. I know this but still, my tire traction spins.

Because today I can see that I usually place others in front of myself, I can usually count on hurting myself or perhaps others. By reacting this way, I also repeated these actions during the course of caring for my brother while he suffered through the seven years of MSA.

Not only was there his MSA, he had suffered a heart attack, heart angina, his outburst and his mentality level; my mind was certainly not on myself and day dreaming or planning my future.

Maybe this is an excuse, maybe not, but I also lost my hero in my life a week before Alvin had his heart attack. The hero was no other than my daddy. he passed away from bone cancer and Leukemia.

As I ponder on those vivid memories, I often wonder and am amazed that I remained sane. Thanks to many of the 3000 followers I have here your words brought much comfort to me back then.

Even seeing my own words I have written here, I realize I can do no more than I can, and I am by far no super woman. I uderstand that unless a miracle from God is given to me, I will leave a few black tread marks when I exit this earth, and for this I am sorry.

Advanced Thoughts

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Advanced Thoughts

Hello friends. It is Monday evening. The 2 older boys went to bed since tommorow is a school day. The 1 year old is letting mom and dad know he isn’t ready yet.

It reminds me of when I was a young mommy and the battle of the wills. Oh those stages we go through in life.I can remember always pushing ahead in my thoughts. I couldn’t wait for the first word, the first step, being potty trained, the first day of school, graduation day.

Wait, what happened? Why is the house so quiet? The bedrooms so empty? I can remember walking down the sidewalk of the school, after leaving my precious child in the hands of some teacher who did not have a clue to my child’s needs.

How could I leave my baby and walk away on the first day of school? I would go home and wait by the phone, because it surely would ring. The teacher would be crying because she couldn’t understand what my child needed.

The phone never rang. My children did fine. They grew up all on their own, so I didn’t need to advance my thoughts in helping them by always waiting for the next stage.

Now years later, grandchildren in sight, there are no advanced thoughts. There are only smiles and mental memory books, filling up quick. I smile and they smile back at me. I tell them I love them and they grab me around the neck and with big smiles they tell me they love me too.

Goodnite my friends.

GROWING UP

Today my daughter took me to the store and I bought a wireless keyboard for my tablet and a bluetooth speaker. For the first time, I am sittig on my bed, writing to you.
For an old lady, I am learning to be tech savy.
My daughter put I Heart Radio app on my tablet, so I am chilling out here on my bed listening to the calming sounds of birds singing.
I feel like a kid in a grown-up body playing with my new toy.

IT DOESN’T MATTER

IT DOESN’T MATTER

It doesn’t matter who you are

Where you came from

No matter how far

 

It doesn’t matter if white or black

Rich or poor

Live in castle or sack

 

It doesn’t matter at all I say

No one should ever

Feel this way; alone.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10/18/2015

 

Photo Credit; Terry Shepherd

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