To Each Of You
Every night after the work was finished, after table talk and the evening meal were complete; the family and sometimes neighbors gathered around on warm evenings, on the front porch.
This is where each person had the chance to relax, sit back, hum a song, play a guitar, pray, cry, laugh and love until it was time to go inside and get ready for bed. Two of the eldest daughters had been proposed to on the steps.
An announcement of the first grandchild was screamed and gathering of hands and holding each other over such good news were some of Grandpa and Grandma’s best memories.
SITTING ON THE PORCH
When we are young
There is no time
For sitting on the porch.
For listening to old folks
Tell about the past
Too boring for me.
When I grew up
I took the time
I sat on that porch.
Holding my baby
And my papa’s hand
Looking at my mama’s smile.
Twin brothers Ronald “Ronnie” Kray (24 October 1933 – 17 March 1995) and Reginald “Reggie” Kray (24 October 1933 – 1 October 2000) were English gangsters who were the foremost perpetrators of organized crime in the East End of London during the 1950s and 1960s. With their gang, the Firm, the Krays were involved in armed robberies, arson, protection rackets, assaults, and the murders of Jack “the Hat” McVitie and George Cornell.
As West End nightclub owners, they mixed with politicians and prominent entertainers such as Diana Dors, Frank Sinatra, and Judy Garland. The Krays were much feared within their milieu; in the 1960s, they became celebrities, even being photographed by David Bailey and interviewed on television.
They were arrested on 9 May 1968 and convicted in 1969, by the efforts of detectives led by Detective Superintendent Leonard “Nipper” Read. Both were sentenced to life imprisonment. Ronnie remained in Broadmoor Hospital until his death on 17 March 1995; Reggie was released from prison on compassionate grounds in August 2000, eight weeks before his death from cancer.
Reggie (left) and Ronnie Kray
|Born||24 October 1933
Hoxton, London, England
17 March 1995 (aged 61)
Wexham, Buckinghamshire, England
1 October 2000 (aged 66)
Norwich, Norfolk, England
|Cause of death||Heart attack (Ronnie)
|Other names||Ronnie & Reggie|
|Occupation||Club owners, gangsters|
|Criminal status||Both deceased|
Frances Shea (m. 1965; her death 1967)
Roberta Jones (m. 1997; his death 2000)
Elaine Mildener (m. 1985; div. 1989)
Kate Howard (m. 1989; div. 1994)
As you can see; the word I made up today is real. Kray is the word, and this is what I found. Wow, these two were something else!
When the phone rings
And you answer with hello
Do you wish it wouldn’t have rang
Because you are watching your favorite show?
When you hear the weary voice
Will you turn the TV off
Will you listen with both ears
Will you make the right choice?
We need to be encouragers
We are placed on earth to help
It’s our duty as a human
Of this I know for sure.
I am sitting here listening to Dr. Charles Stanley. It is on inadequacy. It perked my ears up in rabbit shape, as I feel that way too many times. I then pondered on what a negative thing it is to feel this way. What the Doctor said is,” When people feel inadequate, they remain closer to God”.
I really thought about this. I don’t want to feel that way about myself, but on the other hand, I do know that when I am confused, or anything but having a good day, I do tell God much more.
What I need to learn and do is whether I feel this way or am having a good day, everything is what I should be telling God. We thank him for our problems, and praise him for remaining close to us, because we know he will walk through each storm beside us.
The other thing I learned is how we treat others. Each of us, no matter what position or title, or wealth, or abundance of friends; we all want to be cared about. We should always, always, treat others as we want to be treated. It is God’s way, the only way.
It’s been a busy day. I am having an issue with my car that the dealership can’t seem to find. Googling and trying different things has drained me so that this evening, I am not doing that much.
I will put my faith in God and hope that my car problem is not going to financially drain me and not take hours and hours to fix. It is absolutely absurd at what mechanics charge per hour. I was told that if it takes them 12 hours to finally find the issue, that would be a charge of by the hour, not including the price of the part or time to fix. So anyone want to say some prayers for me and my car, I would really appreciate it.
I have felt so many times that I am bouncing not only in mind but also physically. My family must be going crazy trying to keep up with my emotions. I wish it was so simple. A fix of one thing and all is once again well.
I know I have been like this since Al and my dad died. My life was turned upside down and ever since I have struggled to find myself. I gave up living on my own because of my Parkinson’s. This in itself is a huge issue. Not only for me, but for the family I moved in with and my children up north.
I moved down south with family and I have my own room, and I have to accept that even if I lived in a brand new tent, there would be changes I would have to make. When you aren’t on your own, you just don’t have that same routine you once had.
When I was up north those two months for the holidays, I had no idea how much the grandchildren would be a natural medicine for me. This is something you can’t ask the doctor for in prescription form. You can’t run to the pharmacy and fill a script.
When I returned south, something was missing. Of course, I missed my kids up north. I didn’t miss the cold or the snow, even though we had a nice big snow here. I began to become sad again. I quit trying to do the little things I used to do to feel better about myself.
There is no sense in it. I am alive, and this is reason enough to want to get up and make myself pretty, and live a good life, but for some reason I can’t. I have more time on my hands. It is quiet and I have opportunities to think about things I have done wrong, or things I may have been able to make a difference in if I would have taken the time to think it out.
But you and I both know, you can’t go back. It isn’t healthy for me to think about the what ifs and whys. When I was surrounded by grandchildren who talked about what they did at school, and listened to so much giggling, I didn’t think about my past. I only thought about the present.
It is no one’s fault for me being the way I am. Sometimes I think I have lost my mind, but then I know there are still passions I have within me and if I was a crazy lady, I wouldn’t recognize anything outside the box.
I think it comes down to one thing pretty much. I am a diabetic, have Parkinson’s and there are suspicions of another illness that could change my life a lot. I think now of this day and how do I want to fill my days until I am gone.
So unless something happens this coming weekend I am moving back up north. I know my family here will miss me. I am pretty sure they wonder what in the world is wrong with me. All I know, is it feels right, so let the packing begin.
I went out today. It felt wonderful to be out with my car radio and the sun shining. It blew the stink off of me, LOL. I went to the pharmacy and picked up my monthly medications. Let me tell you how much I hate taking medications; pretty darn awful bad! Does that say it in a nutshell?
I started learning about stress many years ago. One day I was walking down the sidewalk and I passed out. Thankfully, a store owner or God through him, knew what my problem was by looking at me. He ran inside and grabbed some orange juice and had me drink it.
Yes, my sugars had bottomed out. Those were the days when I first started relying daily on Diabetes meds. I was switched to this one or that one in order to find what was good for me. In that process, I learned the word phobia.
I have the biggest phobia about medications today. I hate taking new medications worst of all. I remember when I lived in Florida, my doctor thought my blood pressure could use a different dosage. He upped it and the next morning I took one of the new ones.
I don’t remember how long, but I think it was before noon, that suddenly all I could see around me was shades of gray. It scared me and I called the doctor’s office. I told the receptionist what was wrong and before I knew it, the doctor, himself, was on the phone and stayed with me, instructing me on what to do to raise my blood pressure.
The medicine had lowered it too much. Now, with those two memories I have the biggest phobia ever taking pills. I will never be that one person who tries drugs, because I am too darn scared.
If I have to take a new medication, I will cut it in half, and then go into panic attack mode for the first two hours. If I am still alive after two hours, then I start to relax. Sounds so silly doesn’t it? At those moments, fear is bigger than life itself.
I don’t know how to get past it. I am worse today than 20 years ago. I used to tell the nurses where I worked that when my time comes to enter a nursing home, I will be the one to turn down the pudding or applesauce, because I know they hide pills in them. LOL
So now it is going on 6pm. I just took my evening pills and will now eat supper. Watching TV or getting on Facebook for the remainder of the evening. Do you have any phobias? Any real fears that seem big? Wanna tell me about them?
This is such a personal topic. It is opening myself up to letting others know of things I don’t share much about. The reason I don’t share, is because I have never actually tried to face it. I think about it; but it is too over whelming, so I tuck it back in the back of my mind and continue with my day.
The facts are, that what we hide within, eats us up. When we don’t face the problems in our lives; whether small or big, it changes us. It changes us because we learn how to build and live with stress.
We all know that we can not change anyone. We can’t change spouses, companions, bosses, kids, parents. Get it? We can’t do it; but we can change us and how we react to situations.
We all know that stress is a crippling disease and that this can usually only be healed by facing it or getting outside help. Stress allows blood pressure to rise, changes our eating habits, forces us to look at life differently, without sometimes realizing it.
I can sit and rattle off all the reasons why I am like I am today; but actually who cares? It begins to replay itself out like an old record playing on a record player. Same old story, nothing new added, no fixes, just stuck.
When we allow too many things to remain in the stuck mode, this in turns builds into large snowballs, with all these little issues spinning around our head, until we get to the place we are consumed by pressures, depression, doctor visits, and too much negativity.
We talk to friends, maybe ourselves, about anyone who will listen. We hear the advice, we feel better for a while, but unless we change something about our thinking or for our best well being, it is always going to be a lost cause.
Therefore, I have decided, for my health and well being in my own life, that today, January 29th, 2016, I am dealing with my issues. I am going to crawl out from the box, let the light shine in, and fight my way back to where I always belonged. I refuse to sponge remarks, attitudes, weather,looks, likes or dislikes; anything that may hamper my growth in knowing who I truly am; to get in my way.
I have partnered with another person to make this happen. I refuse to go further in my life, stuck in stress mode. Anyone understand what I am talking about? I hope so, because this still is difficult for me, but I will move through, past and on.
Tonight, I typed in a strange concoction of a word, and got a real word. Farfetch, not really that odd of a word. It reminds me of different things. I guess I just never had put this combination together.
Of course, you are going to know the definition without my placing it here; but I will set it in place.
Sitting here on my computer typing away, my mind can wander easily. I often get some crazy ideas for writing, or I will think of ways to solve my problems. Or I may be considering what words I can say to bring comfort to others in need.
You all know that I am involved with Multiple System Atrophy. I try very hard to bring comfort, but who am I? Nothing more than someone behind this screen. Most of you have never met me, so I work hard to help comfort breaking hearts or give suggestions on what direction they may want to go next.
With this new word I discovered tonight, I will use it to bring a little silliness to end this day. Maybe a smile or a chuckle, but no tears tonight. I have to work hard to do this because my mind is always in help mode. So, my friends, here goes nothing.
A LITTLE CHUCKLE
Gramps was sitting in his recliner
Watching his favorite show
When he got this itch
To get up and go.
He didn’t wanna do it
So he twisted and turned
He moaned a little loud
He turned the volume down a bit.
He was hankering for a snack
His mouth could taste it good
But he had to get her attention
But she was asleep in the sack.
He cried out her name
His voice sounding strong
This had become a big challenge
It had turned into a game
She finally appeared
Rubbing eyes with her hands
“What in the world is the matter”?
She stated and leered.
“Honey, I have a craving
Can you get me a snack
I am watching this program
I don’t want to miss a thing”.
She walked over to the shelf
She turned the TV remote off
She knocked his chair over
Saying, “Get it yourself”.
|v. t.||1.||To bring from far; to seek out studiously.
To farfetch the name of Tartar from a Hebrew word.
|n.||1.||Anything brought from far, or brought about with studious care; a deep strategem.|
MULTIPLE SYSTEM ATROPHY PRAYER
How frustrating it is
When a loved one is pained
When we feel so helpless
When nothing is gained.
We wipe a brow
We clear a tear
we tell them we love them
And will stay very near.
We put hope in our doctors
But we may actually know more
For we are the ones
Who walk and pace the floor.
Prayer chain request are made
We kneel on our knees
” Dear God, please forgive me
I’ll do anything you please”.
“Give favor to this soul
Who completes my world
Please forgive me my sins
My mind is in swirls”.
“Please send a cure
Give the doctors your all
If you save my loved one
I promise to heed to your call”.