Sometimes prayer doesn’t seem enough. There are those moments when we want to jump head first, and come to the rescue. Obstacles, and sometimes feelings can interrupt those high dives.
I have always been the type of person who wants to help others. As I get older, I have noticed I think more of my aches and pains and staying near my bed that brings me more comfort. Maybe this is wrong, but I am always tired.
I hate that about being sick. I don’t know whether it is the Parkinson’s that makes me so tired, or maybe my age, or maybe the doctors are right, and I have Leukemia.
I have had two separate blood tests by two different labs and the suspicions are on the high side of Leukemia. This changes my views on life. Of course, I may have years to live, this isn’t a big deal really. I think it is the quality of life that I have remaining that matters to me most.
This is what makes me start thinking about me more often than not. What really makes me happy inside. It isn’t that new purse, or going out to eat, kind of thing. It is the internal peace that one wishes and hopes to carry within themselves until their last breath.
It is then that I realize I want to put myself in positions where I feel the biggest peace ever. I start asking myself,” what is it Terry, that brings you true joy? Who are you really, and what do you do best.”
Those are tough to answer quick, as I have not been the type who thinks of me first, so I don’t have many answers at this point. I know one thing for sure. With having two moms and not bonding with either very well, it is of the utmost priority, that I feel loved and appreciated for even breathing and taking space upon this big, blue marble we walk upon.
I will keep working at this. I will hear what people are telling me. I will ponder on my life, and I will try to find one positive thing, at least, every day, just like I did when my brother was so ill. I guess I had laid that task aside after he passed on.
It was too hard to find this, or I just ignored it; but life moves on, whether I wish it to or not. Bumps in the road happen, life changes for people. Nothing remains the same, and neither will I.