Fears, Phobias, What?

I went out today. It felt wonderful to be out with my car radio and the sun shining. It blew the stink off of me, LOL. I went to the pharmacy and picked up my monthly medications. Let me tell you how much I hate taking medications; pretty darn awful bad! Does that say it in a nutshell?

I started learning about stress many years ago. One day I was walking down the sidewalk and I passed out. Thankfully, a store owner or God through him, knew what my problem was by looking at me. He ran inside and grabbed some orange juice and had me drink it.

Yes, my sugars had bottomed out. Those were the days when I first started relying daily on Diabetes meds. I was switched to this one or that one in order to find what was good for me. In that process, I learned the word phobia.

I have the biggest phobia about medications today. I hate taking new medications worst of all. I remember when I lived in Florida, my doctor thought my blood pressure could use a different dosage. He upped it and the next morning I took one of the new ones.

I don’t remember how long, but I think it was before noon, that suddenly all I could see around me was shades of gray. It scared me and I called the doctor’s office. I told the receptionist what was wrong and before I knew it, the doctor, himself, was on the phone and stayed with me, instructing me on what to do to raise my blood pressure.

The medicine had lowered it too much. Now, with those two memories I have the biggest phobia ever taking pills. I will never be that one person who tries drugs, because I am too darn scared.

If I  have to take a new medication, I will cut it in  half, and then go into panic attack mode for the first two hours. If I am still alive after two hours, then I start to relax. Sounds so silly doesn’t it? At those moments, fear is bigger than life itself.

I don’t know how to get past it. I am worse today than 20 years ago. I used to tell the nurses where I worked that when my time comes to enter a nursing home, I will be the one to turn down the pudding or applesauce, because I know they hide pills in them. LOL

So now it is going on 6pm. I just took my evening pills and will now eat supper. Watching TV or getting on Facebook for the remainder of the evening. Do you have any phobias? Any real fears that seem big? Wanna tell me about them?



Stress Mode

This is such a personal topic. It is opening myself up to letting others know of things I don’t share much about. The reason I don’t share, is because I have never actually tried to face it. I think about it; but it is too over whelming, so I tuck it back in the back of my mind and continue with my day.

The facts are, that what we hide within, eats us up. When we don’t face the problems in our lives; whether small or big, it changes us. It changes us because we learn  how to build and live with stress.

We all know that we can not change anyone. We can’t change spouses,  companions, bosses, kids, parents. Get it? We can’t do it; but we can change us and how we react to situations.

We all know that stress is a crippling disease and that this can usually only be healed by facing it or getting outside help. Stress allows blood pressure to rise, changes our eating habits, forces us to look at life differently, without sometimes realizing it.

I can sit and rattle off all the reasons why I am like I am today; but actually who cares? It begins to replay itself out like an old record playing on a record player. Same old story, nothing new added, no fixes, just stuck.

When we allow too many things to remain in the stuck mode, this in turns builds into large snowballs, with all these little issues spinning around our head, until we get to the place we are consumed by pressures, depression, doctor visits, and too much negativity.

We talk to friends, maybe ourselves, about anyone who will listen. We hear the advice, we feel better for a while,  but unless we change something about our thinking or for our best well being, it is always going to be a lost cause.

Therefore, I have decided, for my health and well being in my own life, that today, January 29th, 2016, I am dealing with my issues. I am going to crawl out from the box, let the light shine in, and fight my way back to where I always belonged. I refuse to sponge remarks, attitudes, weather,looks, likes or dislikes; anything that may hamper my growth in knowing who I truly am; to get in my way.

I have partnered with another person to make this happen. I refuse to go further in my life, stuck in stress mode. Anyone understand what I am talking about? I hope so, because this still is difficult for me, but I will move through, past and on.