Do You Ever Spout Off?

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I am sure some or most of us have been in this spot before. I have learned in my own life that no one hurts you more than those closest to you, and it makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it.

For me, it is hard to keep my feelings to myself. I learned by my therapy I attended many years ago, to speak my mind. The problem is I let it stay inside in order to keep peace, and when I finally have seen or heard enough, words come out.

I get flustered when I am trying to talk to someone. Explaining what I want to say, is difficult. My tremors kick in. My legs begin to shake. I get the words out; but often the true point of the pen is not made.

Then thoughts are twisted, words are taken wrong. I don’t know why I do this. I have worked on it for a long time, and it always comes back to the same thing. Hurting others feelings. I just hate doing that and avoid it at all cost; sometimes injuring myself emotionally for a long, long time.

I have made progress, but it still needs fine-tuning. Instead of confronting the person immediately, I will hold it in, which, like I said, isn’t good for me. I have now been able to keep thoughts to myself, and I will instead pray for that person.

Whether it is my fault for a disagreement or the other persons; it really doesn’t matter sometimes. Prayer works. It relieves me to know that I can place it in God’s hands, and go on about my business.

Still some things I still have buried within and these do surface at times. Hurt can remain for days, weeks and sometimes months. Words are not easily forgotten, but I am trying. We all have to deal with it in the way we know best.

I saw something on the news today that blew me away. It was some event, where parents and kids were involved. One mom bumped into another mom accidentally. What should have been words of I’m sorry, and everyone going on with their day, turned into pushing, shoving, and hitting. It was sad that these kids stood by while watching their parents set bad examples.

I hope for myself, that some things get resolved, but if they don’t, I can’t fix it, nor can I change it, but I can keep living, and isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Live life to the best of our ability?