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My heart aches darlin
When I wake each sunny morn
We were meant to be together
It was written when we were born.
We loved, we built a family
A girl and then a boy
I remember your sheepish grin
When you handed them their toys.
I remember the day it happened
The day you got the mail
I remember your head hung low
And you walked as if a snail.
You handed me the papers
You stared into my eyes
I read with disbelief
That you would say goodbye.
I watched you climb the bus
I tried to be so strong
I held the babies tight
As I sang a soft, soft song.
I remember the day it happened
When the telephone voice did say
That you wouldn’t be coming home
You died for victory in the U.S.A.
These past weeks have not been as well as I wish they were. I have had many more tremors. I have had pain in my side and stomach. My sternum has been hurting. It feels like my organs have been pushed up and out from under my ribs.
Mood swings between smiling sincerely and faking a smile have been on a roller coaster lately. I seem to go to bed not feeling well and get up feeling about the same. Last night, I got that itch and tingle of pain in my eye.
I recognized it from previous times. With being older, the eyelids can begin to drop lower. This in turn can cause any of the tear ducts to plug up. It causes a sting and itching and a doctor’s visit.
My sugars seem to be riding on the valleys too. Almost daily I swing from too low to moderate high.
I am so sick of not feeling well, some days I just don’t want to get up. I am still trying to see one good thing in each day that is good, but most days I would rather sleep it away. I used to wake-up and get on the computer. Now days I force myself to get on.
I don’t understand what is going on. I need to get back on top again, and am hoping it happens soon. My birthday is next month, and I think it isn’t as exciting as it was when I was a kid. Can you look forward to your birthday and yet wish it away?
I knew today I had to visit the doctor because of my eye. I know from the past experiences, it doesn’t get better without medication. I went and told them about my aches and pains in my gut. I left knowing I am dealing with a spastic colon due to eating foods that are not good for me.
Now, I have some medication and restrictions on foods until I get everything back in place. I got medicine for my eye.
My two sons keep in touch with me, and I see the grandkids when I can. I finally got my car fixed with a guarantee. It ended up being a very expensive chip in the car. The mice that decided to home in my car for the winter cost me over $2,000 to fix. So much for mice being cute little nose wigglers.
I miss so many people and things I used to do; but I am going to keep my head held high and wait to climb back on top.
Thanks for listening.
I was just nominated for an award. On a day where I needed a tiny lift, this did it. The award came from:
Here is a an excerpt from their blog. Feel free to go over and check it out.
Thank you Jmount!!
I am the key
Without the lock
Not the action
Many hold me
In their hand
The heart is rusted.
The voices told me to do it. He/she is depressed. Being out of work, I just couldn’t take the kids screaming any longer. Drugs made him/her do it.
We read and hear a lot in this world. I can’t begin to understand what makes people do what they do. All I can do is give my heart to those who want me to listen. I can relate to depression.
My mother used to say when she was alive that she didn’t believe in depression. She believed it was an excuse for a deeper problem. I am not sure if she was totally right. I know I have depression; but not a deep depression.
I don’t understand why I go through my bad days most times. I am alive, and loved, cared about, and my health could be worse. I understand days like yesterday when I was very sad. I hated it that my family and friends never mentioned my brother’s name.
Actually, they should not have to mention his name. I guess I just wanted someone else to understand and feel some of the pain and sorrow I was feeling since it was his second anniversary of being in heaven.
I couldn’t get myself motivated for crap yesterday. I didn’t want to get dressed, or even eat. Everything I did, I drug my feet fighting. I am glad the day is over. I don’t forget Al on any day, but those special days suck big time.
The real depression though. More people have it than we suspect. It isn’t a day or two of sadness. It can cause so many problems within our families, ourselves. I believe it can alter our thinking so that we do things we normally would not do.
Can people be on medications and function throughout life? I am not sure. Years ago when I was going through a real depression from a lack of personal connection between a family member and myself; I finally broke down and went and saw a therapist. I think I picked the wrong type for myself, as the way to fix me was to medicate me. All I wanted to do day after day was sleep.
In my opinion, that wasn’t a way to work through and heal, it was a blanket covering the problem. One day I got sick and tired of not wanting to be a part of the living. I found a Christian counselor, and we talked out my issues, and through time, I became 90% better than I was.
Do you know someone who is labeled depressed? What do you notice different about them from you? Do you believe that depression is a blanket for a deeper problem, or do you believe it is real?
Give me your thoughts.
In a crowded place
I see my face
Reflecting off the sky
Hear me asking why
Alone and together
We storm through weather
Living the minutes of day
Making goals on our way
In my chair here at home
Where I have space to roam
I allow my thoughts to travel
Sometimes tripping on gravel
I know a new day is near
Can’t afford to house fear
Put on my armor of strength
Take a step, keep the length.
Easter bunnies hopping
Mommies going shopping
Pretty dresses, gloves and hats
Easter candy and all of that
Helping mama color eggs
Baby sister shouts and begs
Isn’t Easter the best day of all
When the bunny comes to call?