One thing we sometimes learn in life as we age is pain. Not the physical pain of getting injured; but rather the emotional pain of disappointment. To me, there is nothing more painful than being let down by those closest to us.
Maybe we expected more than we received. Maybe there was a broken promise, or perhaps a sadness that people don’t come to be what we expected them to be.
I had this perfect life all set out for myself when I was an old teen. I was going to get married, have a family, be the happiest woman, mother, wife on the block. My children would love me with all their power.
They would grow up and not get into much trouble. They would marry and raise their own families, taking, maybe an example of what I had taught them. I would have plenty of grandchildren who would want to visit me often.
There would be family dinners, celebrations of birthdays and anniversaries, telephone calls. I was going to have it all. Life doesn’t work out that way for many of us. Never did I think that for any day would there be a void in my life when I grew older.
My children don’t like it when I refer to myself as old, so I use older instead. Maybe they are as afraid of losing me as I am of dying and not getting to see their life completed, but then that would be asking for the impossible, right?
I am learning to be content with the place God has set me at in my life, but I can’t help but think about how it was when my entire family was around me, and the sound of little kids running and laughing throughout the house.
THE PAIN OF IT ALL
I sit here days flying by
And I ask myself; why.
What did I do so wrong
That I now sing a sad, sad song.
Is this what life is all about?
A quiet house, no song or shout?
The telephone, it doesn’t ring
There is no birthday song to sing.
I look out through my window pane
My heart it aches as it carries shame.
Maybe I missed an important part
To teach little ones about the heart.
I can not bring the past to now
I can’t even stand and take a bow.
I wish I could start all over again
I’d say the words I missed back then.