WITH NO REMORSE

WITH NO REMORSE

Once not long ago

I sat upon a star

I wondered about my life

And how I came this far.

 

My life seemed pretty rough

It seemed it wasn’t fair

The rules, the regulations

Were more than I could bear.

 

Now being so much older

With my parents no longer here

With my brother all in heaven

I shed some gentle tears.

 

A life I shared with love

A family who cared enough

To teach me how to grow

Even though I saw them tough.

 

It’s the parents who stay on top

It’s their rules that they enforce

These are the ones who love us

I am blessed, with no remorse.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

 

 

A little Laughter, A lot of Relaxation

The past few days have not been bad at all. I took my son out for lunch for his birthday one day. I cleaned the house and with help, rearranged a couple of rooms. I rested and relaxed. It has been wonderful with out pressures on this holiday weekend.

My friend drove me to a mall and with the help of my scooter, I was able to go to some of my favorite stores. We then ate at the famous Coney Island hot dog restaurant. It is a small place but has a big-time flavor.

Here is a link to Coney Island.

http://www.fortwaynesfamousconeyisland.com/

Me

I know a lot of my stories are not uplifting as the title reads on my blog, and today is no exception.

Ever since Al passed away, I have never regained ground as it used to be. I make decisions that always don’t benefit me. I have a frame of mind that my age is climbing on the up and time is running out sooner than later. I feel like doing silly things that I would usually not try.

I want to go and visit places I always thought were silly. I want to be free. Free from what? I don’t really know. Maybe free from myself. I want to feel less sadness, laugh until I cry, run in the rain. Some days I want to run away.

I want the people nearest to me to be even closer. I want dreams to come true. I want to feel what it is like to be in love again. I want to stop the stress,  pain, agitation and worry in my life.

These are all so stupid and not even the way life works, and yet I feel the strongest restlessness in my life I have ever felt. Have any of you felt this way? Could this still be the remains of losing my brother two years ago? Am I just becoming a nut in a shell Senior Citizen?

The Dream

She sat up in bed and looked at the clock. Three in the morning. Sweat dripping  down her back and breasts. A dream, a vivid dream. She remembered it so well. Catching her breath, she re-lived these moments.

She was 11 years old. She had been having horrible thoughts for as long as she could remember. The thoughts were always about herself and how bad she was. It seemed she never did anything right.

She was being yelled at so much my either parent. She didn’t get good enough grades in school. She didn’t do enough chores at home. What was it about herself that people didn’t like?

In her dream, she was running down a dark alley. She had her long night gown on and she was barefoot. Her feet were hurting as she stepped on pebbles in the alley. Her hair was wet and tangled from the rain and windy conditions.

She was running away. Going no where and yet somewhere, where people wanted nice little girls. People stepped out of the shadows, and she would run faster after recognizing the mean voices.

Sometimes she would stop and rest a while. Her heart was beating so fast and she was so tired, then she would continue on her journey. She ran and ran until she could no longer make her feet go.

She sat down on a curb, under a street light and she buried her head into her hands and she wept. A pale glow caused her to look up into the biggest hands she had ever seen in all her years.

It was as if it was calling her to them. She stood up and walked towards them. The hands lowered until they became level with her step. A soothing voice said, ” Sit down and rest my child, for I will give you shelter and food. For if I can take care of the flowers and the birds, then I can surely take care of one of my children”. The little girl climbed up into the arms and then she awoke from her dream.

 

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Source: Oatmeal Raisin Cookie Cheesecake Bars – Shugary Sweets

Help Anyone?

The sun is warm. The skies are blue. It is the new day of the week, and the leaves are out for show on most trees. Life is good, do you see this?

My life is still moving forward and I am having good days along with some bad with my colon. On the good days; I am ready to jump up and down on the bed. When my colon is having spastic episodes, I would rather and do, lay in bed, awaiting a new moment.

I have gone through many days of one or the other type. I have been picking apart my food choices, seeing which ones make me feel worse, better or the same. It has been an interesting and tiring ordeal. With being a diabetic, having a sodium restriction, cholesterol and sugar issue, what is left to eat?

I deal with it though, as hard as it gets some days. The biggest problem for me though is lack of seeing my kids and grandkids. It seems when you don’t see the little ones, and then you do, you ask yourself, how could they change so quick?

The good thing is; that I have a pretty understanding roommate. If I am sick, I can lie around, be myself, and the understanding is a pretty important thing to me. I can get meals fixed for me, and even eat in bed if I choose.

I wrote this post today in order to ask a question to you. Do you use or know of a natural, unharming cleanser or daily routine, so that these bad episodes of spasms occur less? I am not into chemicals, per say, so am searching for something to be able to force things inside my body to act naturally and on their own. Get my point? Any help would be appreciated.

 

648-01569593 Model Release: Yes Property Release: Yes Parents lying in double bed at home, energetic son (5-7) jumping up and down on bed, smiling, side view

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Source: Cake Batter Fudge – Shugary Sweets

Making Memories

It feels like winter here today. Big, dark clouds. A chill in the air. Snow about an hour north of me. Is this Spring? It makes me wonder what our summer will be here in Indiana. I have been traveling with a friend lately and have taken some photos. You can see some on my other WP site, Through my eyes.

I haven’t been doing much of anything as of late. I have been fighting that spastic colon thing again. I hate it when it flares up. Do any of you have this issue? You really have to be careful what you eat when it is flared; but then again, you have to be cautious of what you eat all the time with this.

I went to the doctor this past week. For some reason my white cell count is still running high. It has been for about five months, with no reason. I am continuing to lose weight each doctor visit, but I don’t always look like it with this colon thing going on.

Are you able to get out and work in the garden, or enjoy the warm weather? I am so jealous of you, but hopefully, one of these days we will reach 70 again and not go backwards in temperatures.

I am still writing my poetry. Not as quick as I was, but still writing. My daughter came up to visit for a bit today. I hadn’t seen her since February. She brought my remaining items I didn’t have room enough to move with me when I moved back here to Indiana. Her daughter wasn’t with her and that was sad; but I understood. She was catching up with old friends and wouldn’t any teen rather be with their friends than old people? LOL.

Next year she will be a Senior. I can’t believe I can still see her little face when she came home from the hospital many years ago. Where does the time go? Thankfully, I have more grandchildren that are still young. It doesn’t make me feel quite so old.

 

Where does the time go?

Each breath that I take

Becomes yesterdays news

Can’t believe it’s getting so late.

 

We don’t really see it

The minutes ticking by

Our children all growing

Soon they will say goodbye.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

 

Most of the time it seems as if I haven’t changed much; but I know I have when I realize that one grandchild is graduated. One more will be next year, and another is coming close. It makes you listen real close to the pitter patter of little feet running through the house. It makes you aware of those innocent giggles. Life is for the taking, and I am enjoying making memories.

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Source: Nutella Swirled Blondies – Shugary Sweets

Our Mind

Beauty is in our mind
Clouds  or snow or sunshine 
Take a  deep  breath, clear your  mind
Enjoy a calm and peaceful  time 

Written  by , 
Terry  Shepherd