I know a lot of my stories are not uplifting as the title reads on my blog, and today is no exception.

Ever since Al passed away, I have never regained ground as it used to be. I make decisions that always don’t benefit me. I have a frame of mind that my age is climbing on the up and time is running out sooner than later. I feel like doing silly things that I would usually not try.

I want to go and visit places I always thought were silly. I want to be free. Free from what? I don’t really know. Maybe free from myself. I want to feel less sadness, laugh until I cry, run in the rain. Some days I want to run away.

I want the people nearest to me to be even closer. I want dreams to come true. I want to feel what it is like to be in love again. I want to stop the stress,  pain, agitation and worry in my life.

These are all so stupid and not even the way life works, and yet I feel the strongest restlessness in my life I have ever felt. Have any of you felt this way? Could this still be the remains of losing my brother two years ago? Am I just becoming a nut in a shell Senior Citizen?

me today 3