THE GIFT
I was walking
On a long,
Thin bridge.
A wind
Picked up,
It knocked
Me over.
I began
My journey
To death.
On the
Way down,
I prayed
Like I never
Prayed before.
A hand
Reached out.
It took
Mine in his.
I was saved
By God.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
Why didn’t she go? Why did she stay and take the abuse? Okay, maybe it wasn’t physical abuse; but isn’t mental and emotional abuse just as bad? Me, myself, I think mental abuse is so much more worse. Pain fades and words remain forever.
Leah couldn’t go. She was forced into a mental trap all her own. She had the right timing presented to her. She could have packed her bags, stored her belongings, and went to a brand new location with a close friend, so why didn’t she?
Comfort Zone; this is why she stayed behind. So you ask, what is a comfort zone?
Comfort zone is described as;
The comfort zone is a psychological state in which a person feels familiar, at ease, in control and experiences low anxiety and stress. In the zone a steady level of performance is possible.[1]
Bardwick defines the term as “a behavioral state where a person operates in an anxiety-neutral position.”[2] Brown describes it as “Where our uncertainty, scarcity and vulnerability are minimized — where we believe we’ll have access to enough love, food, talent, time, admiration. Where we feel we have some control.
Leah was terrified of giving up all she was used to. She knew how to react when she was torn down; naked with his words. She knew how long HE would stay angry. She knew that if things got real bad, there was a police station nearby and she also had her car.
Leah sat many days crying into her pillow, wishing she would have gone, and feeling too much of a coward to make that phone call. What if she did call? Maybe she and her friendship would be ruined by too close quarters.
Maybe she wouldn’t have the money to be able to take care of herself if she didn’t find a job. Sure, her friend had told her over and over; jobs are easy to snag with your experience. Yet, here she sat, alone, lonely, sometimes feeling like a used dish rag.
One day arrived when the sun wasn’t shining. HE had been out too late the evening before. HE had drank too much, stating this is the only way he knew how to unwind. Leah sat at the kitchen table drinking her third cup of coffee, when HE got up to use the bathroom.
The dog began to bark, letting his owner know he was ready to play. After coming out of the bathroom, HE suddenly kicked the dog. The dog yelped. Leah stood up and went to rescue him.
HE didn’t like all the noise. When HE saw Leah coming he let her get close enough and then he punched her, flinging her body up against the wall. Darkness over came her and she went limp to the floor. The dog hid under the bed, and HE went back to his room and slammed the door.
The mailman was knocking on the screen door. He had a signature paper with him that one of the adults needed to sign. He knocked a couple of times and then heard Leah’s voice. He tried the door latch and it opened.
Upon seeing her, he called the EMS. HE was arrested and Leah was taken to the Emergency room. After being tested she was released, but no one was there to pick her up. She had no one to call.
She sat down on the curb outside the hospital and wept, wishing she had made different choices in her life. It was then that she saw two pennies, heads face up near her. She picked them up and held them tightly in her hands, and she began to pray.
It was less than a half an hour that the mailman stopped back by to check on her. He saw her crying. “What is wrong Miss? Can I do something to help? Are you okay”?
Leah took out a small notebook from her purse. She flipped the pages until she came to the right place. She handed him the page, pointing to the number. He took out his phone and called the number.
(This story, my friends is a fictional story. I wrote this because so many women feel like they can’t make a change because of fear of leaving their comfort zone. If you recognize yourself in this, you are not alone. If you feel all alone, you are not. Make a call, call a friend, a minister, family, or police. There is help.)
Oh, you ask what happened to Leah? The number that was dialed was her best friend. She is now living happily with her friend in a location miles from her old home, doing very well at her new job.
The wind blows
Carrying a piece
Of my soul
Wandering from
Pebble to pebble
Never truly
Finding its
Rightful place.
As I stand
On the outside
Watching where
It flutters
My heart
Reaches out
Trying to
Grasp one granule
But missing
Every time.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
07/30/2016
I have written many post in the five years I have been on here; so not really sure if I have posted on this topic. If I have, go ahead and leave, if not, perhaps this will help you as much as I hope it will help me spilling my guts.
I am pretty sure I was a mistake when I was born. Most fifteen year old gals aren’t thinking about having babies. They are thinking only in the moment. My dad remarried when I was five and my brother Al was four.
I can’t sit here and honestly say my step-mom had anything to do with my feelings, nor my father. I think it is somewhere deep inside of me. I have walked through most of my life with a feeling of “being needed”. Like I always had to prove myself. Prove myself of what? I wish I knew.
I believe with all of my heart that is why being a caregiver for others and my family has been so soothing for me. I knew they needed me, and God knew I needed them. I also believe that this is the biggest reason I am in this non-motivational mode I have been in since Al passed away.
Sure others need me. I know my children and grandchildren need me; the problem I have faced for years is; why isn’t that enough for me?
It is a problem I have battled over and over with myself for so long. Well, last evening I was listening to some music and caught the words in this song. I have played it over repeatedly, trying to soak the words in my brain. I hope it helps me. I would very much like to leave this earth in total piece, carrying no extra baggage with me.
I absolutely love this song at this stage of my life.
Easy and delicious, White Chocolate Cookie Dough Fudge is the dessert you’ve been waiting for! Packed with chunks of cookie dough, what’s not to love?
My heart is looking
My arrow, a token
Words unspoken
Life feels broken .
Once around the feeling
Dropped from the apron strings
The song I used to sing
Has lost its only bling.
Solitaire is solitude
A player on his own
A light which once shown
Has diminished and been blown.
Written by ,
Terry Shepherd
I have days where I think I am depressed. Most days anymore I carry these feelings. The good thing is; I don’t like it and want to rise above it. I decided to spend this evening reading up on how to get motivated when you are depressed. I found this article interesting and am going to take it to heart. If you wonder or believe you have some depression, won’t you take a moment and click on the link and read?
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13042/6-tips-to-get-motivated-when-youre-feeling-depressed.html
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Who I am 