Laughing at Myself or Maybe a Tear

Does anyone feel as I do or do you have most moments in your day filled? I am talking about single or divorced older women. I never dreamed 10 years ago, that I would spend so much time trying to think what to do next.

When you are younger, married and raising a family, you barely have enough time to think; but when the kids are grown and perhaps you are now alone, what do you do?

I love to paint, but I can’t paint all day long. I clean a lot. I talk to many on Facebook. I don’t bake much anymore because I would be heavier even more, and besides, I am a diabetic, and naturally, I would want to bake sweets. I love to write and have published a couple of books, but I am in Pause mode, as I can’t figure out how to get Open Office files on to my desktop, into a file, without all the OP garbage, I just want the chapter. I have tried and tried.

I would love to date, but I have to wonder if that will ever happen as I drift faster and faster into the Senior stages of life. Of course, I want that old-fashion gentleman, who isn’t hundreds of miles away, and so I am not really searching anymore, but hang onto HOPE.

I watch enough television for my own good, but usually have it on for noise in the background. I do have a roommate, but still have the place to myself most times.

When I get off this computer and stand up, all I hear is silence. I get so frustrated. I never dreamed, as I said before, life would be this way.

Perhaps I live too much in the past with those oldie TV programs. Kids grow up, then there are bridge clubs, luncheons, phone conversations.

The only good I feel that I do is love my kids and grandkids and help and chat with many on Facebook.

Don’t get me wrong, I really am not on a pity party. I just get sick of doing nothing. I don’t have to be the head person, I just have to feel, feel what? Here, I am stalling, thinking, what is the proper word I want to use. Be noticed? Be wanted? Be loved?

I don’t know. I am loved. My family loves me. I am sure, no positive, they would miss me a lot if I passed away, so what is it that I need? Wish I knew.

It’s like, come on phone, ring, message, someone say, hey, haven’t seen you for a while, wanna do lunch? Man, as I look back at this post, I laugh. I think, what a baby you are. Get over it. You are sixty-two, you had your chances. You are older now, you are supposed to be sitting and watching TV, what? waiting to die?