No matter how hard I am trying to stay positive, today is not one of the good days. It isn’t my health; but yet my health plays a giant role. I am not unique; there are many in my situation. I can’t beat it; neither can anyone else, unless they know something I don’t.
By now, I bet your curiosity is up. Well, I will tell you. If you are disabled or living on the government’s assistance, you can smile and think,∴yes, I know what she is talking about now. Yep, I got it.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am thankful for the roof over my head. Heat when I need it and for being alive and safe, but I almost wish I lived with a roommate where help was more available. When you lean only on yourself, there aren’t many doors open. My problem is I pay the least possible in what I find I really would not like to live without, and this mainly includes; a way to reach the outside world or EMS, or talk to my kids, the cheapest of ways to be able to use the internet and the cheapest and lowest way of having sound within these walls.
Of course, there is auto insurance and other bills that deem important. Providing food is a task each month. I drive mainly for visits to the doctor, or visiting family. I guess it doesn’t really matter does it. The point is, everything seems off balance.
Not enough to live on and you know why? Because I made the choice to stay home and raise my children instead of working, therefore not giving me enough credits to get a nice monthly check. Things will never change. When I reach 65 I won’t get anymore in my check.
This is when I hate Parkinson’s with a passion. It stops me dead in my tracks. I can’t get work. If I get work, I lose my medical insurance I carry through the government, or my rent raises so what’s the point of working? You can’t win over the system. I can’t work 40 hours, I can barely stand and walk for more than a little at a time. Part/time work threatens a loss of help, which could cost me more dollars in the long run, then of course there is the issue of my balance.
So I would not have insurance offered by the company and would be forced to purchase my own. Have any idea what insurance purchased privately cost for a diabetic patient? I do, way too much.
I am so down in the dumps right now, because I know this is the way it will be until I die. If you have a job; be thankful. If you are dead tired, sleep. If you don’t have much money after paying bills’ thank God they are paid, next month is going to be different. If you don’t have to worry because the cupboards are getting bare, it will be alright, you have another paycheck coming in soon.
I guess what I am saying is; be grateful, life could be worse.