14 | May | 2017 | Who I am

I am one of those kids who had two moms. My first mom and my dad were divorced before I was five. I tried for years to locate her because I knew deep down inside, she must have always loved me.

I did locate her when I was in my thirties. I flew out to her home. In fact, I flew out to Arizona a few times, even moved there for a short time. It didn’t work. She was a mess? She was hung up on the past and couldn’t see me as an adult. She was probably the worst mom I ever had. She passed away a few years back. God rest her soul.

My second mom married my dad when I was five. I don’t have excellent memories of her as a child. Partly due to my jealousy of a new baby, half-sister. I know I gave my mom grief, but she tolerated me.

Growing into a teen wasn’t easy for either of us. I bucked and she stood her ground. My jealousy continued for years as I saw the difference in showings of affection. There were hurtful conversations and separations at times, but she still stayed my mom.

When I was grown and had children, we became closer, but not in a bonding type. She loved my kids and I know she loved me the best she knew how. Times were better, but I could have worked harder at being a better daughter.

There came a time when I began losing family to heaven, and I also came to know God better. About two years before her passing, I committed to getting to know her as a woman and mom.

I am glad I did. She did a ton of awesome things in our community. She helped others without reward. She was a woman of God and believed strongly in her faith. She tolerated a less than perfect home life, shed some personal tears, but kept marching forward.

One day soon after her retirement she had an incident that landed her in the hospital in a coma. I comforted my father while we watched her leave us. I held her hand and whispered to her how sorry I was for all I had done and I told her how much I loved her.

She passed away within a week, but with all my training in the medical field, I believe with all my heart, she heard every word I said. I have no regrets to the commitment I made towards patching our relationship. I understand better today how easy it was to sway towards a biological child over a step child.

I had the best step-mom ever. Today, although she is in heaven, I dedicate this post to her; Donnis A. Miller.

LOVE YOU MOM

Love you , Mom

We can’t go back

Nor turn the clock

We can’t speak over

We can’t erase the tears.

We can be cocky

We can be smart-assed

But in the end; we grow.

Thank goodness

Parents realize this