Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day!
This is what I thought when I woke up and didn’t realize I was actually still dreaming.
The weather was perfect. Blue skies, a few puffy clouds. Birds chirping. Squirrels chasing each other around the trees, waiting for me to feed them.
The phone rings and it is Mom. She is asking me if I want to ride along with her to go shopping at the mall. I hear Dad’s voice in the background asking her if I said yes or not. I hear his tell Alvin, my brother, to hurry up and get that grass mowed.
Mom speaks about how she just came back from her mom’s house and how they had shared a morning cup of coffee together.
I hurry and get dressed. I run out to feed the squirrels before I leave. I gather some money together in case I want to spend something needlessly. I look in the mirror one last time, and tuck a few stray hairs back in place, then walk outside to wait on mom.
I tripped over a squirrel nut and fall. I didn’t hurt myself. As I opened my eyes; I saw my feet twisted. My body was had tremors. When I stood up, I almost fell back. I realized this wasn’t a dream.
This was reality. I saw my Parkinsonism/ Ataxia/ Dystonia. I touched my hair and it was thinning. My mom never showed up because my family all lives in heaven.
I finally get up in a stable standing position and I feel something around my neck. I reach my hand up and I feel a camera. My camera, the camera that replaced all the pain I have suffered from losing Mom, Dad and my brother.
I smiled. Life still sucks with terminal illness but as long as I have my camera and a few close friends, I have a good life yet.
Photos taken by me.