Today was a good day for me. I didn’t have any balance problems. I cleaned my apartment and did the laundry. I even was able to scrub the bathroom down. Wow! Why can’t I do that other days?
Who am I to question the why’s of life. Is it really that important that I know the reasons. Not really, God has my days planned out. My job is to follow throughout my day, give thanks for what I have and pray for mankind.
You should have seen me about two years ago. I was what people would call the biggest worry wart of all time. I worried about today, tomorrow and kicked myself for yesterday. I actually drove myself and probably lots of other people crazy.
What changed me? To tell you the truth, the changes came on so gradually, I didn’t even see myself any different. One day, a friend of mine told me something about their life and I remained calm. My advice to them was to think things through and I told them I would pray that God showed them the direction to go.
That is not the usual me! I would have taken their burden on personally. I would have started stressing for them. I would make myself nervous and anxious and if I went overboard with this non-sense; I would set myself up for a panic attack.
I know when I took care of my dad when he was sick; I ached as I watched him get worse. I realized although I loved him dearly, his life was in God’s hands, not mine. When I took care of my brother those seven years, it was the same deal. It broke my heart once again to see another family member leaving me. The same was with my mom. She died while I held her hand. I couldn’t change or fix a darn thing.
After the pain ceased from the losses, I knew that I couldn’t count on a thing alone. I knew that worry was needless and health threatening. I didn’t control life around me. I don’t even have control over mine. I am here to be kind to others, forgive those who hurt me, and just be myself, nothing more, nothing less.
This is when I realized God had changed me. All the things prior that were important to me, slid away from me. Now I find myself smiling, even when I hurt, because I know there is a plan for me and although I don’t understand it; I know in my heart he does.
Photo taken by Terry Shepherd
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Who I am 