31 | July | 2018 | Who I am

I had to write to you this morning because I read a post that reminded me so much of who I used to be. My heart ached as I understood her fear of what tomorrow holds. I do have an illness, this is true.

It is hard to walk, it has affected my legs and feet. I could not even devour the idea of walking in a relay unless it was hands on a walker and at a snail’s pace. I choke on some foods. I have trouble bathing. I have to take much longer to clean my house and baking or fixing a medium size meal would be very difficult.

When I received my news on how much my monthly disability check would be and I saw the report that the additional help of food stamps would only amount to fifteen dollars a month; I panicked. How can anyone live on fifteen dollars a week in food when I actually can see the price changes at the grocery stores rise sometimes in one week.

Without being able to earn a paycheck, how was I going to go shopping or keep the upkeep on car repairs or so many things I used to have to do. This illness has taken so much from my normal living and yet this illness has blessed me with new eyes.

I never noticed how beautiful the sun rising and lowering was. I never had the time to look. I never saw how close God was, standing right beside me, providing me with food that I need, introducing me to my camera, giving me the intelligence and knowledge to set up pages for patients and caregivers to come to for help.

I would barely notice that my needs were actually not being met by me; but by God. Now, I thank God for where I am at today. I thank him for my place to live, my friends, waking up each morning.

A new light has better shining ability to see things more clearly and this was instilled in my heart and soul. No illness is fun. I have never heard anyone say, I am so thankful I have cancer.

Everything that happens to us in our lives was planned out for us before we were born by our holy God. He will carry me through this. I will have bad days and good days. I will die one day and I shall see Jesus and I will be living in the most grand of all places; like no place on this earth.

Thank-you Jesus, for placing me right where you need me to be. Please continue to show me how to be of help to others. Please give me strength to realize you are holding me on the bad days. Thank-you for your love that never ends. Amen