It’s Your Turn


It’s days like this
Where a little kiss
Of clouds and rain
Give you a calming brain.
 
A chill in the air
Not going anywhere
Brings comfort to me
In my jammies; you see.
 
It’s good for the soul
Grab your favorite popcorn bowl
Turn a movie on, or open a book
Don’t let time be your crook.
 
Just make today your one day
Don’t give it a way
Think of nothing outside
Now take a big sigh.
 
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
terry

I Guess I’m Worth It


Although I am tired and ready for a nap; I had to write a little. It’s an unwinding experience for me and also; did anyone ever tell you I’m a chatterbox? No? My mother and grandmother said I was always a chatterbox when I was little. They said I was dutch too. I guess I didn’t talk too clear.

 

Anyways, today was a trip to the same doctor twice. I went this morning to have blood drawn. I just got back home from my second appointment where we discussed the results of the lab work.

 

I was shocked when my sugars had come down actually a whole number. I don’t know how that could have been since I have struggled the last three months to keep the numbers in tow.

 

They rise so  high in the afternoons so the doctor split up my insulin shots to one in the morning and one at bedtime. Same dosage; just split in two different time frames. I ate a lot more ham salad and eggs this past three months and that showed. I guess no more ham salad for a while. My sodium went up a little. This must be from switching from Sea salt back to regular table salt. I will get the Sea salt next time I go to the store. I just hate paying so much more for it over regular table salt; but I guess I’m worth it.

 

My cholesterol was up a tad but I know that was from too much ham salad. Everything should come back down to normal on my next visit. The only things that he couldn’t fix was my burning headaches. He said those are from my Ataxia. The sore varicose veins, which he said are from my legs working so hard at walking and not falling. He said if they get so bad I can’t stand it; compression stockings.

 

Oh, I hope that doesn’t happen. I used to put them on my patients a lot. I would have to sprinkle baby powder on the legs and then roll them up on my hands and then slowly squeeze them on the patient’s legs. Whoa, what a job. I think it would be much harder to have to put them on my own legs. I would bend over and then fall. Thinking positive thoughts that this doesn’t happen for a long time.

 

I always eat breakfast out when I had blood drawn. I am starving by the time I get out of the doctor’s office. I went to my regular place and was shocked at the prices. I can see paying top dollars for a fine meal, but eggs and toast, almost 9.00? Nope, gonna have to find a cheaper place next time.

 

Now I’m tired and I am ready to get out of dress-up clothes into comfy clothes. It is chilly outside, a sunny day but windy. A perfect day to stay in and do nothing in particular. You all have a good Wednesday evening my friends. Talk soon.

 

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Ataxia and Me


Today, I received a gift in the mail from a friend here on Facebook. It is a bracelet. An Ataxia bracelet.

It’s hard to explain my feelings. I chat with those here at Facebook who have Ataxia. This is where I get my support from the most because they understand what I go through.

I would say it defines me. When people ask if I am drunk; I can show them my bracelet. When people ask me what’s wrong with me; I can show them my bracelet.

I thank-you, Kym Thompson for this beautiful bracelet. I will wear it daily.

You ask what Ataxia is?

What is Ataxia
Ataxia is a degenerative disease of the nervous system. Many symptoms of Ataxia can mimic those of being drunk – slurred speech, stumbling, falling, and incoordination. All are related to degeneration of the part of the brain, called the cerebellum, that is responsible for coordinating movement. Ataxia is a disease that affects people of all ages. Age of symptom-onset can vary widely, from childhood to late-adulthood. Complications from the disease are serious, oftentimes debilitating, and can be life-shortening. Ataxia is an umbrella term used to classify a group of diseases that include:

Ataxia Telangiectasia
Episodic Ataxia
Friedreich’s Ataxia
Multiple System Atrophy
Spinocerebellar Ataxia
Sporadic Amigoscon Ataxia

Symptoms
Symptoms vary by person and type of Ataxia. Symptom onset and progression vary as well. Symptoms may worsen slowly, over decades – or quickly, over mere months. Common symptoms of Ataxia are lack of coordination, slurred speech, trouble eating and swallowing, eye movement abnormalities, deterioration of fine motor skills, difficulty walking, gait abnormalities, tremors, and heart problems. Individuals with Ataxia often require the use of wheelchairs, walkers, and/or scooters to aid in their mobility.

 

Ataxia

The Visit


THE VISIT
 
I can’t get it out of my mind. I keep thinking about the dream I had last night.
 
With the illness I have; I usually have terrible nightmares, always waking up before I die, but to see my brother in my dream and be able to talk to him was bigger than anything I have experienced.
 
I am a thinker by nature so it is not unusual for me to have been pondering on how I made this dream happen. Can I make it happen again?
 
Alvin was healed. He was standing tall. He wasn’t crying and he didn’t act afraid of life. He smiled that big, familiar smile I always saw.
 
We talked. In my dream it didn’t seem like we chatted for a very lengthy period, before I woke up, but I remembered it and i still remember it.
 
I have definitely moved on since his passing. I have managed to hide my tears and sadness. I have laughed among friends. This is the part that has moved on.
 
There is an injured snail crawling inside my spirit though. The feelers come out when I am all alone and this is when it seems like only yesterday; I walked into his bedroom and found he had passed.
 
The dagger still punctures my soul and heart. The eyes well up instantly. I sit. I remember. I cry. I don’t think we ever truly get over the death of a loved one.
 
I don’t know if we ever heal completely. It is complete though. He was born. He lived. He passed. I think there is a bigger torture when there is no final stage of life.
 
When friends or family hurt us and it is never settled. That sword just keeps twisting and stabbing. The mind rolls over big hills and stumbles over boulders as we try to find peace that is now broken.
 
How do we go forward? How do we hide the memories of what once made us smile. How do we hide the tears in our daily living?
 
It is so difficult but this is something each of us has to deal with and lay to rest. God placed us here to send the message out to others about his love.
 
God gave us feelings so we can love and hurt and hug and smile and heal. God gave us ears so we can listen to his message, a body who can accept a hug from another person.
 
We must give these heavy burdens to God. We need to carry our faith in large baskets, and know that whatever the problem; God will carry us through it. We have to believe this.
 
Other wise, we will be injured creatures, walking this earth, thinking only of our pain. We will not be able to reach out to others who need us or are hurting.
 
This dream that I was honored to be a part of was a wonderful vision. A gift from God you might say. I have told God so many times how my life will never be the same, how much I miss my brother.
 
God showed me last night, in my dream, that no matter what pain I am going through in my waking hours, he is right there, holding my hand, guiding me and showing me his love.
 
Thank-you God, for allowing the visit to happen between me and my brother.
 
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
October, 15, 2018
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A Night Out With Family


Yesterday, I was not planning on doing much of anything. Where I live, the main headquarters paid a visit to inspect each apartment. I am always a neat and tidy person but when I know that the head haunchos will be looking at what I live in; I tend to be a little more picky. The inspection was done and now I can relax.

 

The rest of the day was up for grabs. It was later in the afternoon that my son called. He invited me to ride along with him and his family to Fort Wayne. They had a stop to make and he said we would be dining out.

 

Fort Wayne, Indiana

https://www.cityoffortwayne.org/

 

 

I eagerly accepted as I love spending time with my family and grandchildren. The forty minute drive went quick as we chatted over the past week and all that had happened. The talk of the Holidays came up and we were discussing the whats and ifs to come.

 

My family took me to Longhorn Restaurant. I had never eaten there before. Here is the link to where I dined at.

https://www.longhornsteakhouse.com/locations/in/fort-wayne/ft-wayne/5544

The photo below is what I ordered but I had a baked potato and broccoli as my vegetable.  There was so much I brought the extra home and ate it for my breakfast.

 

steak

It was a nice gift when I learned he had paid my bill.  I thanked him so much for that. After we left; we went to Hobby Land where I found on sale a table type LED light. I had been looking for one to place on the table that I work on for my paintings and crafts. It was almost half-price, so that was a big plus for someone on a limited income.

 

After we left that store I pointed out a store that I like to visit when I get to Fort Wayne. It is called Ollies. It is similar to a Big Lots; but much nicer, in my opinion. I bought some shampoo and conditioner and some craft items I needed. My family seemed to like it also as they bought some goodies too.

Here is the link, if you have never heard of this store.

https://www.ollies.us/home.html

 

Before I knew it, we were home. I again thanked them for inviting me and paying for my dinner bill. We hugged each other and I know in my heart; I will see them again very soon.

Tonight, here where I live is the building’s monthly, Saturday night supper. There are four floors here and each month a floor is in charge of the supper. This month, it is our floor. I fixed a big pan of home-made macaroni and cheese.

 

My kids always loved my mac and cheese. I make it with three different types of cheese, a white sauce and this time I added chunks of fried ham. Of course I had to taste test it and it turned out perfect. Cheesy and stringy with lots of flavor.

 

We are also allowed to dress up for Halloween if we wish. I do wish this so will go in my mild costume. With my Ataxia, I could not afford to be over dramatic, for fear of falls. Those photos will follow in my next post.

 

Well, you all enjoy your Saturday. Our forecast for today in Warsaw, Indiana is; sunny and a high of 52. Fall is definitely here. My header for my blog is a tree I photoed yesterday. Notice the beautiful trees and how they are beginning to change their colors.

Talk to you all later my friends.

God’s Got This


It’s been a rough couple of weeks for me. Many doctor appointments. Doctors of specialty trying to fix my unsteady gait problem. No one has been able to help; though I do appreciate the efforts.

 

Many times Neurological problems can not be helped. Doctors can not fix the brain while we are still living in most cases. I have had my eyes and prescription changed and I got new glasses and frames too.

 

Next week I go to my Primary care doctor for lab work to see how my sugar levels have been and how I am doing on my insulin. I am still struggling to keep my sugars down so I have to wonder what will happen next. I, myself, believe with the fight I have to keep steady sugars, that perhaps after thirty-eight years of being a Diabetic; my pancreas is failing. Time will tell if my thoughts are on the right path or not. In November; I go back to my second Neurologist for a re-evaluation.

 

I have had personal issues along with doctor visits. I have been so sad that I can’t make everything in my life correct. I was having a wonderful luncheon with a good friend of mine Wednesday.

 

I just love spending time with this gal. She is relaxed, a good Christian, and we can talk about anything. I had been telling her about what has been happening in my life lately and she said something that turned my thinking a 360.

 

She said, “Maybe you are being tested by God to see if your faith will hold strong during these times of struggles.”

 

Bingo! I knew as soon as she said it; that she was right. I suddenly relaxed and I thanked God for allowing this friend in my life that day. I am still having my issues; but I have a whole new outlook. I am giving my problems to God and letting him deal with it.

 

Back to my living. I am living with a smile and hope , knowing God’s got this!

daisy

Possibilities


Possibilities

Don’t sit inside
Think outside
Feel the crisp air
Hear the leaves rustle
Listen to the snapping of twigs
Hear the children’s laughter
Hear the fire crackling
Envision this, your memories
No matter the situation
There is always one reason to smile.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd