2018-2019


The time has come to say goodbye
Not forever; not going to keep those memories shy.
It’s a new year you see, everyone waiting
Excitement definitely seems escalating.
 
 
For me it may be different than for you
I won’t be partying as you do.
I move forward with caution; eyes wide open.
Hope in my heart, feeling memories again.
 
 
I will pray for a closer walk with him up above
I will share what I have and give to all those I love.
I will sometimes sit alone, a choice I will make
And run the movie of memories which I have made.
 
 
So I say to you, two thousand eighteen
It’s been a trip; one I’ve never seen.
I will welcome in two thousand nineteen
With hope in my heart and a soul that gleams.
 
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
terry

And it Has Arrived; New Year’s Eve


Like snow in your winter days? Then don’t come visit Indiana. We have nothing but above normal temps and rain. It can be a gloomy time or you can huddle in your favorite P.J.s and watch a movie, write on your blog or play on FB, like I am.

 

I met-up with my girlfriend this morning and we shared breakfast and chat. I love the time we spend together and when I am driving home I think; where did that time go? No matter how often we see each other, we have never ran out of topics to talk about.

 

Now back at home, I did a load of laundry and changed the sheets on the bed. The apartment looks pretty good from the vigorous cleaning I had been giving it the past two days. For today, New Year’s eve, it is my day to do as I wish.

 

I don’t know of any scheduled events in the community room for tonight but I don’t care. If I feel like going downstairs this evening, I will grab something to eat and take it down. Hopefully, someone will be down there.

 

There is such hype and money spent on this holiday but the key word is “couples.” Very few living in my building have a significant other, so there won’t be that big partying going on here. Besides, I have sort of outgrown? that party urge to stay up until midnight to watch a glitter ball drop from the sky. I would rather be in my “comfy” clothes and crawl under my covers when I am ready.

 

I prepared a meatloaf yesterday. Today I will bake it along with a potato. Served with my favorite, green beans, this will be my New Year’s eve dinner. This means meatloaf leftovers for a few days and no big-time cooking for me. Yeah!

 

What are your plans for this evening?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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My Holidays


Talk about Who am I. Wow, this is something I didn’t even have time to think about over the holidays. Busy, busy, busy. This was my schedule for days prior to Christmas.

As most of you know; I have Parkinson’s and Ataxia. This disease makes you so tired. So you can imagine how many times I visited my bed for naps on a daily pattern. It seems that now that Christmas is over; there is the clean-up of the house too. I switched my televisions from bedroom to living room. I have some things on one TV that I don’t have on the other, and when it comes to movie times, I would rather be laying down, not sitting on a couch.

I put all my Christmas items away including the tree. I kept up some of my lights and of course I still have three smaller trees that stay lit and up all year round. I moved the furniture and pulled the stomach muscles. Ouch, did that hurt for the next twenty-four hours. Each project I finished made me more tired; but I was determined to have a new look. I moved all my paintings and pictures to different rooms. I had a friend clean my carpets. I feel like I have a new apartment and it feels good; but whew, I am so tired. After this post; I am taking a nice, long nap.

I don’t volunteer tomorrow or Tuesday, so  hoping for more catching up on my sleep. I can’t tell you which is worse. The weeble-wobble I do at all times now or the extra need for sleep. I guess I am just thankful it isn’t worse and we know life can be much worse than we have it now.

I went to my son’s for Christmas. It was very nice. I just love watching my grandchildren opening their gifts. Hearing their excitement in their voices, the laughter and yes, even their running around the house. I went over the night before and watched the annual Christmas cookie baking. That was a real treat.

My daughter will be up sometime in January. I took the tree down so it won’t look like Christmas but hopefully our visit will be even better without the clutter.

Tonight, I am going to try out this new recipe I found. I posted it on my other site I have for recipes. It is a Sloppy Joe Casserole. Looks pretty easy and now-a-days; I like easy.

Here where I live, we had our annual Christmas party. It was nice. I don’t have any plans for New Year’s Eve. I don’t drink so no need to go out and party. It’s also hard for me to stay awake so late and besides; I have seen that ball drop for so many years, it’s not special to me anymore.  Perhaps I will go down to the community room and see if anyone is down there. It would be good to share some chat and laughs.

What did you do over Christmas? Do you have plans for New Year’s Eve?

 

 

A couple of photos of my family Christmas.

 

Here are two of the paintings I did for two of my children.

Look into the Depth


It isn’t what you see in front of you. It’s what you see in depth. A stressful time of year for most. Even the television ads push stress.

The whole idea is to stay calm, remain calm, even though you feel as if you are the topper on a spinner toy. How can anyone know how you feel? They don’t live your life. They don’t walk in your shoes.

While kiddies are getting pumped full of Christmas toy thoughts, some of us are stuck in the Sad lane. A loved one may have just passed or maybe a loved one is ill. Maybe there are people missing from the table this year.

Perhaps the family dog went to heaven, or there was a car accident a friend was involved with. Maybe there is gossip going on at your work. Anything is possible and so many things happen. We are eventually caught up in something that can take us away from our day.

The only way to get through our life tragedies is to have roots in solid ground. A faith we can fall back on. Words of wisdom, our Bibles, a close friend we can tell anything to.

When things look bad, don’t see the surface, don’t panic. Let your feelings go deep. Feel the depth of your foundation. Get into it. Let it slide through your soul. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

 

roots

The Familiar Place


Last evening it was quiet. I did some of the things I wanted to get working on and then I went downstairs. The poem I just wrote is about what I thought and saw.

 

THE FAMILIAR PLACE

The Christmas lights glowed

Reflected on her tears

I felt the storm

Of thundering memories.

 

We aren’t really that close

I didn’t know what to say

I looked around for others

Not a shadow of a face.

 

I felt the tug in my heart

Requesting me to stay

I pulled my walker close

Locked my brakes and sat down.

 

Words flowed easily

From my mouth

I explained I felt her feelings

As I was living mine.

 

We shared so easily

Memories of our families

The empty seats at dinner

The place we live in now.

 

We spent about an hour

Like friends for ever more

We ended with some laughter

We then both went our own ways.

 

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

 

christmas

A Bitchy Day, Darn it!


I hurt my back Sunday evening. I have babied it and taken Ibuprofin for a few days. I went back to my volunteer job today after missing Monday and was there about an hour when the pain reared its head.

I had some Ibuprofin with me so took two and went about my shift. Now, I am a bitchy, short-fused, in pain, woman. I don’t want to talk to anyone, see anyone. I just want to be mad.

I look around at my living room and it is filled with boxes, Christmas wrapping paper, tape, scissors, unwrapped gifts and plain old mess. I hate mess. I am a neat freak person. For this reason, I will be glad when Christmas is over? No, maybe just glad when these gifts are wrapped and delivered.

How did one little back swelling set me off for the rest of my day? I don’t know. A couple of years ago I leaned back on some pillows to watch TV. When I lifted my body back into a sitting up position, something pinged and my mouth opened wide in pain. I babied it for about a week and it finally got healed, but if I do something to use my back in that area, boom, it is back, the pain I mean.

I look at my kitchen and I see the papers there with the recipes I want to make for the holiday baking, but I don’t go do it. I just don’t know what is wrong with me these days. I am tired. I mean I am tired beginning a few hours after I wake. I don’t know if it is my illness, my age, or what, but I get sick of being tired. I could take three naps a day, every day if I could.

Well, I surely hope your Wednesday is smoother than mine. I am ready to get my P.J.’s on but it isn’t bedtime, besides, I am doing laundry. So, how is your day going?

Ataxia

Diabetes


I am a diabetic. I have been since the birth of my third and final child. I didn’t really know what is was in the beginning and then for years; I pretended to not recognize the name.

In the past few years, I got more serious about it. I didn’t want to go on insulin so paid attention to what I ate. I watched my carbs and sugars and took off some weight. I like being more in control of my body. It makes me feel good to know I am some what in control of this area.

I am now on a small dose of insulin. I was so disappointed in the beginning when I learned I had to start insulin but then realized the Pancreas can wear down and out. I had been lucky to have been on only oral medications since 1980, so this is not such a bad thing.

Yesterday, I was a front row observer to how the sugars getting out of control can really destroy the body. As I watched this person suffer in not being able to sit still and moan from pain, I asked myself why do some people not care enough to watch their intake or sugar numbers?

Of course there are many that do take care of themselves and watch almost everything they ingest but there are others, as my friend, who could care less what they eat. My friends, watching the pain my friend was going through, is reason enough to be especially careful of what goes in the mouth.

We may not recognize the damages at first, but believe me, the pay off is not fun nor a pretty site. If you are a diabetic, make sure to go to your doctor appointments, watch  your food intake. It is well worth the effort.

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Merry Freakin Christmas!!!!


Tis the Christmas season. Time to be stressed, underpaid, overworked and the biggest, pretend smile ever right? Nah, some really do enjoy that push and shove time of year. The time the gift you are holding and thinking to yourself, “Will they like this?”, and the lady behind you yanks it right out of your hand.

The time of year that you definitely have that grocery list of the most needed items and you find that the prices have doubled since last week. Makes you want to let the cart remain right there in the middle of the aisle and let people go around it if they want to shop. You are definitely leaving without the filled list and going to the neighborhood bar.

Remember that Christmas a few years back when you worked the hardest ever on that special candy recipe. You only had a few more degrees to raise the candy thermometer to when suddenly the front doorbell rang? You looked at the boiling candy. You thought how rude it would be to not answer the door, especially when every, stinking light was on in the house. You decide to answer it and gently and politely tell the person that you can’t chat; to come back at another time. You aren’t interested in any sales pitch.

You hurry to the door, brushing the hairs away from your face. You open it and to your surprise it is the members from your church that you have attended for over twenty years. They start singing Christmas carols. Oh my gosh! My candy! My friends. You put on that fake smile and you prop one leg on the other as if you have to pee real bad. When they are finished; you return to that black boiled, stuck on pan of candy.

Hey! Wait a darn, picking minute! It’s your life too, right? You can make decisions at this time of year also, right? Just do what I do. Don’t open the door. Turn the lights on low. Only cook after everyone is in bed. Turn your favorite Christmas music on. Grab a cup of hot chocolate. Prop your feet up. Breathe deep and smile. Hug the night.

Merry Christmas my friends!

 

WHO AM I


Who Am I is the name of my blog here at WordPress. I used to always think I knew who I was but beginning in July, 2017, life started to change and I got caught up in a whirl wind of emotions.

It began with my father having two cancers at once. Leukemia and Multiply Myeloma.

A.https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/multiple-myeloma/symptoms-causes/syc-20353378

 

I took care of him for the  year that he went through this before it took his life. I learned not to be embarrassed by bathing him and taking over his daily chores. I was his daughter and thought I could never look at my dad in anything other than being fully dressed but the nursing person in me took over and I did it.

 

Next, I got a divorce. I had always been married since the winter following graduation. Suddenly I was alone and wondered if I would make it. Then came my brother’s heart attack and his ugly disease, Multiple System Atrophy.

A. Multiple system atrophy (MSA), also known as Shy–Drager syndrome, is a rare neurodegenerative disorder characterized by tremors, slow movement, muscle rigidity, and postural instability (collectively known as parkinsonism) due to dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system, and ataxia.

 

Today, I have some of my father and brother’s illness. I have the Parkinson’s and Ataxia. I wondered daily not knowing where I was going and who I really was. It is just recently that I seem to be settling down inside.

 

I pray a lot. I go to church more often and I believe God is showing me things I never actually realized about myself.

 

I have stepped out and tried painting. I made Christmas wreaths this year. I have been asked to provide our Saturday night supper this coming Saturday with selections of Christmas music by playing the piano. Before I had the time to think before answering; I answered yes, I will. God must have had a hand in that answer and I will lean on him that I can pull this off.

 

I volunteer now at a local agency. I help many people and this is good for me since I tend to have my own little pity  parties on why I can’t stand well and do the things I used to do. There are millions of people worse off than me, and my job shows me this each day I work.

 

I don’t know who I am but I do know God still has work for me to do and I have a purpose here on earth. I look forward to each day, asking him to help me shine to others, to help those in need, and to thank God for all I can still do.

Merry Christmas my friends.

 

wreath