All I can control is myself and just keep having a positive attitude.
It seems that by now reaching that goal of being a true Senior Citizen; I would have all my crap together, but I don’t. The older I have reached the worse I don’t know myself.
I do have some regrets at this point.
A. Not doing enough with my children when they were younger and living at home. We had some real good times but I spent a lot of time making sure the house was neat and tidy and supper was on time.
B. Not fighting harder for what I knew was right inside my heart. There is a lot that goes on when raising a family of three kids. Places to go and errands to run, kids inviting over night guests, groceries to buy and of course; keeping the house neat and tidy.
C. Not spending enough time with my parents. This is something I always knew I should do; but I was always too busy or too tired. I always went to their house on invitation order or for holidays. I’m talking about those times when I really didn’t have much on my agenda and still didn’t go.
Today, I am starting to look backwards and forwards at the same time. I can’t change the past for sure but I can make sure my forward is kept on track to the best of my ability.
I may be older but my heart still gets stomped on. Today, I have to let it go. Yesterday, I would have worried and stressed it out until I was in bed sick to my stomach. I can’t rule or control how others take my words or actions. I can only hope that misunderstandings are resolved and life can move forward with ease.
The one thing I do not like today and I pretty much stand up for myself is backlash. I hear things said to me today about what and why I did what I did or said years ago. Yesterday, I would have sunk emotionally. Today, I stand up for what I know is right for me.
Today, it’s not necessary to keep the house neat and tidy. It is more about being content inside. Spending time with those that make me feel good. Laughing is the main course on my plate. I have to deal with my Ataxia and I have to deal and accept the old-age pains, but letting go of that neat and tidy house is a choice I can make.