I have enjoyed some changes I have gone through and I am pretty sure that the illness that God has allowed me to have has played a big part in the plan.
What I am actually speaking about is one word; challenges. Oh my gosh! You should have seen me up to just a few years ago. A challenge stared at me straight on and I would freeze.
I would ponder on it as my body stood frozen. I would talk to anyone who would listen about the problem and then I would argue with myself too much and worry about how or what the other person would say or feel.
I would end up not feeling well. I would feel sick, worn out, physically tired and the biggest thing; drained. It wasn’t pretty and I am pretty sure this caused my hair to turn white more than my kids could ever do.
When my father became ill, my faith became a little stronger in God. I did try going to church but what I really drew close to was, the conversations I had at home with just my God and me.
I think church is a good thing but for me there also drew issues of getting ready when my stability is not good. Problems of feeling like I belonged. Sitting for an hour and then getting up and leaving, many times with no one seeming to care if I showed or not. I found myself doubting me more and more.
I wanted simple so when my brother became ill and church became too much for him to go, we both started watching Joyce Meyers and Dr. Charles Stanley on TV. We both understood what was being taught and we started praying and reading our Bible more.
After my brother passed, I didn’t want to lose what I had gained with my relationship with God. I know I drifted a little from the church from remaining home so I tried once again going to church. Twice I did this and for whatever reasons it may have been, I found myself in that same old spot, so for now, I am staying home again and watching my two favorite people on the television.
My personal conversations with God are stronger today than ever before and I don’t have those doubts. It is simple. My life is simple. I thank God for his gifts and I tell him everything that I am having problems with.
This brings me to the word,challenges. I had a big challenge only two days ago. Instead of making myself sick; I just sat on my couch and told God all about it. He worked it out and I was able to not only trust him, but I got through it all calm.
Now, I thank God for all my challenges. Life, people and my illness can bring challenges as you know. God giving me and being there for me during the challenge has made me a more peaceful person, knowing I will survive and I will be alright.