It’s Part of Life

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Picture taken by me.

A scene happened yesterday that has tossed like a salad in my head until I decided to write about it so I could get rid of it.

It doesn’t matter who says what or how they say it; I am afraid of dying. I don’t know if it’s because I think I will miss people or perhaps I am afraid of death hurting, or the process to the death. I believe in God,so that makes this issue stupid in my eyes but I’m still afraid.

To get through this, I play or pretend it isn’t happening sooner than later. I tell myself I look pretty good for my age. I try to ignore those aches and pains of arthritis. I place most blame on my Ataxia for being tired. Get the picture?

I have this close friend who obviously wasn’t brought up with the manners I was.I was taught to not say anything if I thought it may hurt someone’s feelings. Well we are good enough friends, that most of our conversations are more straight forward and this talk yesterday was just that.

We were comparing how we have changed through the years and the words spewed out at me. “You have changed. You have wrinkles and your hair is thin and your skin is crepe. You’re old!” Boom, instantly I was hurt.

Hurt probably because it is truth and since I am afraid of dying, it stung. I tried to defend myself but I heard, “Well, it’s the truth.” I got back by saying something truthful about my friend that I probably wouldn’t have said in case it caused hurt feelings.

This is just so darn stupid. I know that I am going to die. We all are. I can be there for anyone who is ill or dying but my own aches and pains can cause me to go to pretend land.

I don’t know what I should have actually done or said but today, those words are still haunting me. Let’s face it Terry, you are aging. It’s part of life.

13 thoughts on “It’s Part of Life”

  2. I guess I didn’t really equate aging with death, though I know that persons with age are closer to death.

    I always saw people who were older as people who were wiser, and always seemed to know what to do or say when things needed someone to do or say them. They were less flustered when a crisis would come. I wanted that. I disliked not having something wise to say as a young person, and I couldn’t wait for my 50th birthday from the time I was 30 onward. I just knew that 50 was going to be my best time in life.

    That year didn’t disappoint me, though I had some misadventures. I WAS wiser! I was less unbalanced when trials came. I knew more because I had been an avid learner, and I loved that part of me.

    I’m now 66, and I don’t like having a less strong or healthy body, but – I like that I can ask for help and not have to explain why as much as I did when I was younger (curse you fibro!). I like it when people open doors for me with my white hair. I like when cops are nice to me even when I’m in the wrong – I admit it.

    I like the senior specials, too! I might not always buy them, but I like having the option. I don’t miss the days when we didn’t have the internet, or when we didn’t have phones that traveled with us. I don’t miss the days when I was more foolish and less kind because of the arrogance of my youth. I miss the little kids my children used to be sometimes, but now that I have a grandson, it’s a new blessing all over again.

    I don’t think we’re not supposed to be afraid of dying. It keeps us looking both ways so no one has to feel bad about hitting us, chuckle. It’s call “dying grace” in my church group, and my former pastor said we don’t get it until we need it. Cause as long as we’re alive, we’ve got some work to do in God’s plan. He doesn’t want us ready for anything else.

    Making someone feel bad about the way their body ages is so Junior High. She started it and you finished it. Just giggle and tell God you’re fine with the fact that you’ve been good to your self today.

    I’ve enjoyed every picture I’ve seen of you on Facebook and here. So – ask her why she only sees things that are superficial and not the things that are more valuable, like a good heart, and listening ear and even the one who remembers the treats.

    Huggerz. Let her have her bad day. Don’t let her share it with you (wink).

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    • I read your reply three times. I had never looked at aging quite like that> I always looked at it as closer to the end. I am so glad you wrote to me. I regret that we are not friends in person, only through the internet. You are definitely uplifting and seem to understand my posts. Love you my friend, and thanks for the compliment on my photos. I definitely have a brand new way of looking at life

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    • That’s a good verse and although I know I am not to be afraid because heaven is far greater than here, I still am. I don’t dwell on it daily but some days it seems it has great power over my mind

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  6. Terry, as to getting “old”, that is really not the relevant thing. If our minds stay young, our bodies don’t age as quickly. And, as a friend of mine (who has been in heaven for many years) used to say, you only have two choices: get old or die young. The latter is not a good option and we have both lived far beyond that one anyway. 🙂 So when that fear invades your thoughts, just take hold of it and toss it as far away as possible and tell it never to return. Then enjoy your day as well as possible. God bless you and fill you up to the brim so there is no room for fear.

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  7. I too believe in God and I too am affraid to die I don’t want to suffer I’ve seen alot of people on their death bed including my mom . Seem they all suffer I too am wrinkled and worn thinning hair, feel truely ugly, people look me over in the stores I have little to no grey hair they giggle as they walk by so now I wear a sock hat to cover my hair and people still look me over walk by giggling . I just want to scream SOMEDAY YOU WILL BE LIKE ME HOPE YOU GET MADE FUN OF THEN YOU WILL KNOW HOW HURTFUL YOU ARE.But I keep my mouth shut look down to the floor and move on as fast as I can , which isn’t fast anymore. I keep praying to the Lord to please not let me suffer and if it’s his will please to take me in my sleep. isn’t that awful. With AFIB I’m like a ticking time bomb. I try my t but the worrying comes pouring back everyday 😔

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