Who Am I?

Being a Senior citizen, I still am trying to figure out who I am. Isn’t that just plain crazy? By now, I should know my likes and dislikes, what makes me angry and what makes me smile.

I pretty much do know what sets me off. I almost can use the word, demand, because that is what I like in my daily life living. I demand as much as possible, peace. A peace that is silent but allows noise when I am ready.

I think part of the reason I am like this is age related but I find that my Parkinsonism and Ataxia do not like stressful situations, and I learned that quick so peace is now my middle name.

Another thing I know about myself is I love helping others. I may be able to only offer a leaning ear or a gentle hug, but to me, I want you to know, that I truly care from my heart.

I wish I could do something at home to give me a little spending money. I don’t have a four year degree nor a certificate. I went to nursing school but my brother’s health became more important to me than a license and now, today, college has become too costly for someone my age to reap the benefits and pay back loans.

Do you feel like you have missed out on any opportunities in your life but you know in your heart, it is too late now?

9 thoughts on “Who Am I?

  1. When my marriage ended, I was in the place of finally figuring out who I was. I knew that I was no longer that man’s wife, or anyone else’s girlfriend. I knew I wasn’t an active mother any longer (empty nest), and I knew I was segueing into menopause – all at the same time. I think it took me about 10 years to define myself, and know more certainly who I am and what I like about being alive. That’s kind of important, or you won’t know what to do that makes you happy.

    So, I know that I like being on my own, without having to worry about someone else’s health, needs, or wants. If I put a book down, it stays where I put it until I retrieve it again – and no one objects or disturbs what I do when I am home.

    When I want guests, I try to work out some way to invite someone willing to come over or I enjoy going to see them – especially if its just a visit and not an occasion. When it’s an occasion there’s too much fuss and it keeps us from being real or from connecting beyond the fuss.

    While I managed three years of college on grants (I was poor enough to qualify for them), I know a number of women who are working at home on line who only had a GED education. While I was going to community college, there were seniors in some of my classes who were learning how to use computers so that they could participate in that new format. So, we really aren’t too old to try something new.

    This weekend, three of my five sisters and I are going to turn on a YouTube video and have a sip and paint time together. We’re going to paint the same picture and see how differently things turn out. It’s going to be FUN! However, I know that I will paint watch some of the videos at home by myself this winter and paint some by myself. I’ve never had an art class for painting, so I’ve got to have someone teach me some of the tricks of mixing paints and laying it down so it looks like I want it to look. The videos help. I have friends who have learned how to crochet, and make things for their grandkids that way. It all depends on what you’re most interested in doing and what your resources are. The friend who crochets bought a yarn stash from a rummage sale and that’s how she got past her own limited income to learn a new skill and hobby.

    I hope you can find something that really fills your time with purpose and joy. Your smile is really good to see :).

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like to watch Bob Ross painting on U tube. I bet I could learn some things on U tube also. I know exactly what you are saying about the benefits of living alone. We all like things a certain way, whether it’s a book or a tidy home. I do live on the help of our government and am unable to work outside the home and yet have to be careful how much monies are earned. I don’t think that it is the need of money actually, because God provides all for me but the need to help someone. I do volunteer a couple of days per week but what about the other five days a week? I love to write, but I no longer have Microsoft Word program and I am not smart enough to learn how to or where to place chapters of my book or poetry. I have twenty-two chapters sitting on a computer because my word program messed up and that was the only way I knew how to write and save. I did that with the two other books I published, I tried Open Office and it didn’t work for me. I have a bunch of poetry that many have asked me to put in a book and publish, but all sits. I enjoy painting but when I am alone too often, I tend to get down, so painting must be something I have to be in the mood for? I don’t know anymore. All I know is that I feel good inside when I help someone else feel good. When I was in high school my goal was to be a therapist for teens or a physical therapist, but I fell in love instead, darn it. lol

      Liked by 1 person

    • It isn’t that I am not content, I just wish I could do a little more. I live in an apartment so that is easy to take care of. I don’t cook for over one any longer, so not much time involved, and outdoor work is taken care of by management. No place to raise veggies or flowers. This leaves a lot of empty hours…hugs


    • I am glad your latter life is much better than the beginning. You sould sure and solid on where life is with you. I guess I am always thinking, what else? There has to be more than what I am doing. I used to be so busy working


  2. To be honest, I always have put everyone else first and me last, so now the children are adults, it is my time now. I feel with age I have grown more confident, I know what I like and I don’t take everything anymore. I am happy and don’t regret anything I have done, I did make mistakes but that is part of learning. It is nice to do something helpful in the community and enjoy that. I hope you fins aomething you enjoy.


  3. At one point in life, I read Christy of the Mountains. It appealed to me because she had a heart for helping people. I do believe I would have been good as a social worker. I also considered being an LVN. Unfortunately I had no confidence in my abilities, nor did I have any encouragement at home, during the young years of life. I did become a home health aide for a few years. I definitely am a helper and encourager..

    Liked by 1 person

    • I didn’t fulfill my goals either and for me it was a foolish decision, because I put love and marriage before me. I will though that you sound a lot like me as far as helping others. That has and still is my passion in life and I think that is why there is such a void and lonliness in my life

      Liked by 1 person

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