I wish, when I was young, that I had a built a boat-load of confidence in life and myself, but I didn’t. I hate it that still today, I strive to be all that I can for others and always forget that I am far from perfect. I have friends on here that seem to have it all.
A good childhood, a positive and productive adult life, courage to admit their wrongs and proud of their rights. I am very proud of my friends that have included me in their lives.
I try, I try to hard to not beat myself up for my flaws, but I fail so often. I talk to God about it, I have sought help in learning to accept myself, and still I fail. I think some days that this is why I try so hard to at least make others smile.
The first word that is spoken to me, that is negative; I run away with my tail between my legs.
I have to stop. I really do. I don’t want to go to my grave with this hanging on my soul, but how do I do this? How do I erase words and feelings from earlier days? I pump myself up so much and then I deflate in a matter of seconds.
My doctor calls this depression and I don’t know; maybe he has something there. All I know, is I want it to stop. I am who I am, but I’m still learning.