And How is Your Wednesday?

Hello my friends. Wow, you should have seen me this morning. I drove with both hands on the proper position of the steering wheel. I probably drove right at the correct speed limit. Why did I do this? It was the first, actual day of winter weather I drove in for 2019.


I have a much smaller car and my fear has grown each year of driving in the snow. I am sure I could have made a great poster child for driving “Winter 2019.” Not only was it causing me to be more cautious, I was forced to turn around at a certain area because of road repair. I had to go all the way around to get to my destination and I also got stuck by a train going through. Thank goodness my patient was graded an A+ today.


It is cold out too. Lately we have seen more Fall like temperatures but today the high is supposed to be 25 degrees here in Northern Indiana. We really don’t have much snow to talk about. I can see the grass peeking through the snow. Many have been upset by the lack of snow.


I live in an area where there are many lakes. Winter activities have been placed on hold while waiting for the white stuff to fall. I haven’t minded at all. I don’t like cold and I don’t like driving in snow either. I have to admit though, while sitting at my living room window and watching it snow; it was pretty.


I don’t have a lot on my plate for today. I have some meat cooking in my crock pot for supper. I cleaned yesterday and have no great energy for cleaning today. I am just enjoying my afternoon now and ready for what the evening brings.


I’m going to go to another subject now. Sweating, I know, it sounds gross doesn’t it. I remember back when my brother was still here with me. He had MSA and it caused him heavy, no not heavy, I would say profuse sweating. For about three months now; I am so over-heated almost daily.


I think I even mentioned last week that I still have my air-conditioner on. Last night was the worst night yet. I woke-up at 1 a.m. I was sweating so bad, I was soaked all over. I jumped up out of bed and thought to myself; this must be my sugars. My numbers must be low. I checked it and it was fine. I can’t help but wonder if I am going to have some of my brother’s sweating issues. I go to the primary doctor next week and I will bring it up.


My brother had a neurological disease and I have one similar to it; so I can’t help but wonder what is going on. I’m also going to see if Medicare will pay for me some diabetic shoes. Last year they would not after having covered them for years. I was told that because of cut backs, my feet had to be deformed. I am really struggling this year with my feet. I don’t have the pads on the bottom of my feet due to Diabetic Neuropathy. My feet feel like they are walking on cement floors. They hurt, so I’m going to ask again. I hope they can help this year.


How is your day going my friend?




I am a diabetic. I have been since the birth of my third and final child. I didn’t really know what is was in the beginning and then for years; I pretended to not recognize the name.

In the past few years, I got more serious about it. I didn’t want to go on insulin so paid attention to what I ate. I watched my carbs and sugars and took off some weight. I like being more in control of my body. It makes me feel good to know I am some what in control of this area.

I am now on a small dose of insulin. I was so disappointed in the beginning when I learned I had to start insulin but then realized the Pancreas can wear down and out. I had been lucky to have been on only oral medications since 1980, so this is not such a bad thing.

Yesterday, I was a front row observer to how the sugars getting out of control can really destroy the body. As I watched this person suffer in not being able to sit still and moan from pain, I asked myself why do some people not care enough to watch their intake or sugar numbers?

Of course there are many that do take care of themselves and watch almost everything they ingest but there are others, as my friend, who could care less what they eat. My friends, watching the pain my friend was going through, is reason enough to be especially careful of what goes in the mouth.

We may not recognize the damages at first, but believe me, the pay off is not fun nor a pretty site. If you are a diabetic, make sure to go to your doctor appointments, watch  your food intake. It is well worth the effort.

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I Guess I’m Worth It

Although I am tired and ready for a nap; I had to write a little. It’s an unwinding experience for me and also; did anyone ever tell you I’m a chatterbox? No? My mother and grandmother said I was always a chatterbox when I was little. They said I was dutch too. I guess I didn’t talk too clear.


Anyways, today was a trip to the same doctor twice. I went this morning to have blood drawn. I just got back home from my second appointment where we discussed the results of the lab work.


I was shocked when my sugars had come down actually a whole number. I don’t know how that could have been since I have struggled the last three months to keep the numbers in tow.


They rise so  high in the afternoons so the doctor split up my insulin shots to one in the morning and one at bedtime. Same dosage; just split in two different time frames. I ate a lot more ham salad and eggs this past three months and that showed. I guess no more ham salad for a while. My sodium went up a little. This must be from switching from Sea salt back to regular table salt. I will get the Sea salt next time I go to the store. I just hate paying so much more for it over regular table salt; but I guess I’m worth it.


My cholesterol was up a tad but I know that was from too much ham salad. Everything should come back down to normal on my next visit. The only things that he couldn’t fix was my burning headaches. He said those are from my Ataxia. The sore varicose veins, which he said are from my legs working so hard at walking and not falling. He said if they get so bad I can’t stand it; compression stockings.


Oh, I hope that doesn’t happen. I used to put them on my patients a lot. I would have to sprinkle baby powder on the legs and then roll them up on my hands and then slowly squeeze them on the patient’s legs. Whoa, what a job. I think it would be much harder to have to put them on my own legs. I would bend over and then fall. Thinking positive thoughts that this doesn’t happen for a long time.


I always eat breakfast out when I had blood drawn. I am starving by the time I get out of the doctor’s office. I went to my regular place and was shocked at the prices. I can see paying top dollars for a fine meal, but eggs and toast, almost 9.00? Nope, gonna have to find a cheaper place next time.


Now I’m tired and I am ready to get out of dress-up clothes into comfy clothes. It is chilly outside, a sunny day but windy. A perfect day to stay in and do nothing in particular. You all have a good Wednesday evening my friends. Talk soon.



When Does Life Become Important

A stubborn man I always called him; that is until the day arrived when life turned on him. When Brad was growing up, he wanted everything he saw. If mom and dad said no, he found other ways to raise the money to buy what it was he wanted. I always said he was a spoiled brat, but maybe I was wrong.

One day came and people noticed how tired he looked. He walked tired, ate tired, and worked tired. I had made a comment that perhaps it was time to get that annual check-up that he had put off for years. I think he agreed, because before long Brad was calling me and telling me the date of his doctor appointment.

A few days after the appointment, the doctor called and said they wanted to talk to  him immediately. He went and I rode along for moral support. His sugar count was over 1000. He was told he needed to be immediately placed in the hospital to lower those sugars. This is when Diabetes was placed on his title.

In the hospital he was taught all about how diabetes works and how to keep his numbers down. He followed instructions, but soon after discharge, he realized he missed the bad foods he had consumed, and before long, he mentally ignored the doctor’s instructions and was soon taking insulin.

About five years he lived like the person he was before being diagnosed. He included all bad foods, bad eating habits, smoking, swearing, living in his own moments, and ignoring God.

Slowly I watched this body become beaten down. I heard complaints of being sore, tired, always in pain. It didn’t matter what I said, he ignored me. He turned from a smiling face to a grumpy old man in a young man’s body.

I continued to try to reach out to him to change his ways. I wanted him to find  his life valuable enough to make the changes. I wanted him to turn his life over to God and let the almighty help put him together again and let him see what life actually had in store for him.

Today, I see the strong-willed spirit still flying high, but in all the wrong places. It bothers me that he has the tools before  him to fight an early death. There are thousands of patients in the world that lean on God heavily, including myself, for cures and comfort.

My heart breaks as I hear of new patients being diagnosed with Multiple System Atrophy. It bothers me that now that I know the facts of what the doctor was really saying with my diagnosis; I also have Parkinson’s and Multiple System Atrophy symptoms.(Dystonia/Parkinsonism/Ataxia) We can do nothing but pray, keep our hope high, eat right and take our medicines.

I don’t understand people, but I know there are those who don’t give a damn about themselves, whether they live or die, but I do care and I know others who care very much about their lives and families and friends.

My mother used to say people can’t begin to understand what others feel unless they have lived in their shoes. This is true, but what about the yearning to be the best you can be? Maybe that’s not what it is all about.

I just know for me, I could definitely improve eating habits along with exercise and many other things. I want to live. I don’t want to leave this earth earlier than I should. I want to keep watching God’s beauty. I want to continue to write my short stories and poetry. I want to see a cure for many diseases. I want to help others. I want to see my family happy and fulfilled. So much to live for, is my thoughts.

What are your thoughts? What would you change about your past or do in your future? Are you content with where you are in life? Are there still things to do on your bucket list? If you feel comfortable enough, talk to me about it. If not, then think about it.


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Help Anyone?

The sun is warm. The skies are blue. It is the new day of the week, and the leaves are out for show on most trees. Life is good, do you see this?

My life is still moving forward and I am having good days along with some bad with my colon. On the good days; I am ready to jump up and down on the bed. When my colon is having spastic episodes, I would rather and do, lay in bed, awaiting a new moment.

I have gone through many days of one or the other type. I have been picking apart my food choices, seeing which ones make me feel worse, better or the same. It has been an interesting and tiring ordeal. With being a diabetic, having a sodium restriction, cholesterol and sugar issue, what is left to eat?

I deal with it though, as hard as it gets some days. The biggest problem for me though is lack of seeing my kids and grandkids. It seems when you don’t see the little ones, and then you do, you ask yourself, how could they change so quick?

The good thing is; that I have a pretty understanding roommate. If I am sick, I can lie around, be myself, and the understanding is a pretty important thing to me. I can get meals fixed for me, and even eat in bed if I choose.

I wrote this post today in order to ask a question to you. Do you use or know of a natural, unharming cleanser or daily routine, so that these bad episodes of spasms occur less? I am not into chemicals, per say, so am searching for something to be able to force things inside my body to act naturally and on their own. Get my point? Any help would be appreciated.




648-01569593 Model Release: Yes Property Release: Yes Parents lying in double bed at home, energetic son (5-7) jumping up and down on bed, smiling, side view

Monday? Yes

This has not been my day through  no fault of my own. I had stomach cramps last night that kept waking me up off and on. I didn’t sleep very well, naturally. Today, I was supposed to meet some friends for lunch.

I did go, but I was so tired. What happens when you are a senior citizen and you are tired? Most of what can go wrong does. I went into panic attack mode, so had to excuse myself and leave. My sugars were too low and of course I stressed over that while waiting for the meal.

I had been staying in my room way too much over the past few months, so being in a crowd of people terrified me, which set off the panic attack. I went to my home town pharmacy to pick up medications. They weren’t ready, so I became more anxious.

I did look around so I wouldn’t look like a blooming idiot through my panic attack. I was  happy to see that Yankee Candles are now sold here, so I bought a couple of tarts. I then paid for my medications.

I got in my car and the medication bag slipped out of my hand and spilled all over the floor. I bent down to pick them up and scraped the skin off my finger by something, probably a pebble. I need to clean my car out; but will wait until Spring arrives.

I went to  put my keys in the ignition and dropped them. Upon retrieving them, I suddenly began to laugh. I laughed for so long, I was crying. What a day this has been. Clumsy, tired, panicky, and stressed.

I drove home,  put my medications away, sat down on my computer chair to write this, and then guess what? I am going to lay down and take a nap. Hopefully, when I get up, I will feel rested, panic attacks will leave, clumsiness will disappear, and everything will be gently sliding into a new day.


Oh, one last thing. I wanted to mention to anyone who likes photography or my photos, I have a new WordPress blog site.


Goodbye everyone, for now. Hope you are enjoying your Monday, yes, Monday afternoon.


Diabetes and Dreamfields Products

Well, my friends, today I had a couple of visitors stop by the pre-sale and purchase a few items. I never let people come early at a sale, but in this case I have chosen to break that rule. I really don’t want any leftover stuff hanging around where I may have to find a new replacement home for them.

I have some teeth problems. I really need to get them pulled but I keep backing off of it because the prices are so high to have them pulled and then dentures plopped straight in on those sore gums. Did I say I was also afraid of the pain? Well, that is part of it too. I know my time is ticking down though on having to do what I don’t want to, as my teeth need an antibiotic at times, like now.

I ate my supper at my normal time. I use that new product called Dreamfield. It is pastas that are made with lots of protein. This process allows diabetic patients to eat pasta once again without the huge fear of sugars rising.

For me, this product works like magic. My supper consisted of this pasta mixed with spaghetti sauce and meat balls. Along with the antibiotic, this makes a terrible bomb explosion on my sugars about five hours later.

The antibiotic lowers my sugars most times. About four hours after I ate, I all of a sudden felt the room go slightly black. It scared me, I looked at the clock. It wasn’t time to check my sugars yet, but what the heck, do it anyways since you feel like crap.

My sugars were 70, oh wow, this is why I feel bad. I ate a half of a peanut butter buster bar and a chocolate covered graham cracker. 10 minutes I waited and then checked my numbers again. Oh no, the numbers had actually dropped by one point.

I ate another graham cracker and that didn’t work. I didn’t have anything else accessible. I stumbled to the kitchen and looked in the cupboards. There sat a canister of ready-made strawberry frosting that I had purchased a couple of months ago when my sugars got too low. The EMS had been called and they had made the suggestion to keep this frosting on hand.

I opened the can and it smelled of highly addicting sugar, yuck. I took a tablespoon of it and ate it. That was the sickest taste ever. For someone who doesn’t eat much sugar, you can imagine how my taste buds reacted.

I waited another ten minutes and my sugar finally rose to 84. A half-hour later my sugars were 120. All that junk and sugar I ate, I was finally in the safe mode to go to sleep.

In the middle of the night I was woken to tremors. Internal tremors that forced me to sit on the bed for a while and feel helpless. I was so tired and sleepy. I rolled over on my back and willed myself to forget the shakes and finally went back to sleep.

This day is now filled with lack of sleep, but I made it through, made a few dollars, and am now going to go take a nap. I better set my alarm so I don’t sleep through lunch. Have a great day.

Lend Me Your Thoughts

I had two doctor appointments today and visited one other doctor I go to.  This morning I had labs drawn for my three month check-up for my Diabetes. I went back this afternoon to get the results. I stopped by the office of my neurologist on my way to my results visit to get a referral to the area I am moving to.

That visit provided no referral. I was told they don’t know anything about my new area so it will be up to me to find a new neurologist. I did receive a short pile of my medical records to take with me.

While I was there my tremors were showing off. The head was full of tremors and so were my legs. When I went to the other doctor, my family doctor, I almost fell down. My doctor actually helped me stand and get my balance back. Once again professionals noticed the head doing the tremor thing.

My tests all came back good except one area. It was the LDL area, where it is dangerous to have the numbers get too high. It is my fault, as I learned. I was told to lay off the sugar-free ice-cream and all cheese.

I had given up most red meats and had traded the cheese and ice-cream; but my numbers went up 16 points. The doctor explained  how that is not good at all as my arteries are starting to clog and I needed to change my diet once again and get rid of the dairy.

I had noticed when I look at my veins they are popping up pretty good, making me look like I have night crawlers under my skin. I could use some advice from you. What can I eat? Especially at night when my sugar goes low? I thought cheese was protein, but maybe not. I don’t want to eat sugars to bring up my sugars so what can I eat instead?

The doctor said I can bring the numbers back down by eliminating the culprit, which I will start to immediately to because I don’t want to have a heart attack. The other thing that was in my favor was my weight. Because of my constant tremors, I have now lost 12 pounds this past three months. Maybe I will be nicer looking in time. I am hoping.


Thoughts Written Down

The night before last, I was woken to tremors. This doesn’t happen very often. These ruined my night and I ended with about 4 hours sleep. I didn’t work yesterday and it was a good thing. I stayed in bed fighting tremors all day.

The reason I am writing this is in hope of transferring my mind to other things, so I am going to be pretty honest speaking here. When I am forced to lay around a lot, my mind tends to wander to off-beat topics.

I think a lot about how I took care of my dad the year he was dying. I ponder on the things I had to tolerate, mean words, doing things that were not things I enjoyed. I then let my thoughts drift to my brother and I can spend hours going back in time and walking day to day with him while he suffered through Multiple System Atrophy.

In all my years of medical training I had never crossed paths with such an ugly demon as MSA was. When the day came that the good Lord took him home, I had a part of me that was so happy for him, that he was finally not suffering.

The other parts of me fell apart emotionally. All the strength I had retained in order not to let Al give up the fight of hope had finally worn me down. I began to fall in to walls. I blamed it on exhaustion. Panic attacks that I hadn’t had for years, suddenly came back to haunt me over and over.

Through that following year, I felt as if I smiled more, relaxed a little more, cried a little less. Yes, I was healing. The feelings of falling didn’t subside. They continued to show up at times. I blamed them on my being tired. Then slowly the tremors started staying with me more often and eventually I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease.

Doctors told me my body was just drained from caring for people, and that my emotions and physical body were just too tired; allowing Parkinson’s to enter. I suddenly became angry and bitter.

I was out to show myself and others I could still do life. I could work, drive, date if I had a chance, in other words I could rise above this disease. It wasn’t easy. Jobs were not to be had due to my Diabetes and now PD.

I finally landed a job but the tremors and weakness seemed to become more obvious. A cane was introduced then a walker. I became more tired and fumbled through my days until I finally knew inside my heart I had to give up the work thing.

Now I am in my apartment beginning the process of deciding what I can’t live without and can get rid of. Moving in to my daughter’s home brings a certain amount of worrisome with it.

Thoughts of being in the way, messing up another family’s routine enter my mind often. I began to wonder if there really was a God out there. After all how could a God see that I had taken such good care of my family and other patients and then give me these new problems of health.

Finally it hit me one day that God had me right where he wanted me. I had done as he asked. I had been given a talent of caring for others. Now that my brother was gone, my job was done. I am no longer able to take care of others, and instead am  having to rely on others for a bit of watching over.

This thinking turned my thoughts completely around. Now I feel like I am entering the last chapter of my life. I don’t know how long this chapter will last. Hopefully years, but only if I don’t end up in a wheelchair or bed bound, then that will be another sub-chapter to open.

My mind suddenly has shut down crazy thoughts about finding a new companion in my life. I find myself looking at my personal things and pondering on what child wants what. I can’t seem to see any light any where in the tunnel called life. This is it. In a nutshell, I am going to live life in some way until it is over with PD.

I don’t like thinking this way. I want to look at life with  bubbles floating amongst me with some including giggles, and love heart beats, others with quotes of looking towards tomorrow.

A special time of spending with family that may not have occurred otherwise. I am lucky. My kids are not tossing me in a nursing home, so yes, I am grateful; but I am scared too, there are parts of me that feel like I haven’t done all that I have wanted to do yet in life.

Somehow, some way, I have to fight through these depressing feelings and get back on top of life again, but right now I can’t seem to get there. Last evening I was feeling like crap but I had a supper date arranged with a friend of mine.

Oh how I wanted to cancel, but I told myself I will feel no worse there than here at home. I was still feeling awful as we were eating. My friend had her grandchild with her and I was in panic mode that something crazy would happen and I kept emotionally screaming at God to not let me act any other way than normal.

It didn’t work so I ended up taking some special medications that I carry with me for these tremor times. The medicine didn’t make everything go away but it did  help slow down the tremors and I was able to function better.

Although my legs didn’t want to hold me up; but with the help of leaning against trees, poles and sitting on benches, I did go with her and her grandchild to the park and her granddaughter became my model. Except for the weak legs I was able to forget about all the wicked thoughts I have been carrying with me as of late.

I will post the photos later today and for now, I am thankful I made it through last night without falling down. I want to thank-you for reading this and as I said earlier, maybe re-reading this back will help me also. Hugs to everyone, have a good day. Now I have to start sorting this stuff out here at home or it won’t get done.

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Diabetic Nutritionist

Tomorrow I go to an appointment with a Diabetic Nutritionist. My appointment is very important to me. I have heard some negative and positive remarks about these specialist.


My hope is for balance. I am so tired of not having steady sugar numbers throughout the day. Not only are my fingers tough from being poked too many times, Medicare only pays for sticking your fingers twice per day.

With my issues these past couple of months, I run out of the strips before it is time to get more. The strips are quite expensive, or at least for me. I have a One Touch, which is what Medicare will pay as far as the brand of strips.

I am excited to be going. I am really hoping to get some answers on how many carbohydrates I should be eating too. Each diabetic is different in their needs, of course.

After my dental visit yesterday, I went away from the building feeling very unsettled and not very trusting. I am going to go to another dentist next week for a second opinion. The way I look at it is, it is going to hurt bad in the healing process. Shots to numb the mouth are no picnic; so I at the very least want a dentist I trust.

I was playing around with my camera after supper tonight. Trying different lens and angles. Here is what I found to be the best of the several I took. What do you think?

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