When we are young, we don’t think much about the serious stuff. We live life until we are told to go to bed. Even as teens, life is still pretty awesome. Maybe a sad time or two happens, but what the heck, right?
Something happens after the kids grow up and move on with their own lives. First we have to deal with that empty nest syndrome. Does it really exist anymore? Maybe more parents work today to survive then in the days I was young. I felt lost when my kids grew up. I loved being a mom, even through my stupid mistakes. It was hard on me.
I guess God knew it so I was sent down another path of taking care of patients. He was right. It filled my life, soul and heart. First I worked in nursing homes and hospitals. It was okay, but the rules and regulations along with shortage of staff sure didn’t fulfill what I still needed, which was contact on a more personal level. Have you ever sat and really listened to those stories elderly people have to tell?
They are awesome! I took care of a lot of patients but one family will always stick out in my mind. The wife was a school teacher and the husband was a tomato farmer. I learned that the golden rule for children really was, reading, writing and arithmetic. No one gets too far without these three.
I learned about the process of tomatoes from picking them by hand to what they delivered to the table. The stories I listened to were highlights in my day while caring for them. They were the type of family that appreciated each other and life. Their love was true and I must admit, I still miss them dearly.
Next, you start gazing through the obituaries in the newspaper. Actually, you hope you don’t recognize anyone, but you have to check. When you see that first classmate’s death, it throws you for a curve. Wow, they are my age.
Then maybe there is a death or a divorce. Children gone, living alone in that big home. Maybe it’s time to sell the home and downsize into something more suitable. Less steps, less cleaning, maybe no more shoveling the steps or driveway.
You sort of slide into another stage without realizing it. You live in Senior apartments or Senior assisted living places. You make new friends. You share your own battles and the joys of being a mom. You discuss your grown children and grandchildren. You all become quiet as the topic of when the last time you saw one of your kids.
You get excited about your birthday. Not for the fact that you are another year older, but hopefully, the kids will come and visit or maybe you will get a card in the mail. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day; a guaranteed day of being thought of. Isn’t that the way it is supposed to be?
Here, where I live, we have as much socializing as possible. It is good for us, although some never attend. It raises the spirit. It takes away the loneliness and sadness that screams and bounces off the walls. It saves you from having to cook for one.
The only sad thing I have to be aware of at this point is; making friends and watching their health fail. More disappointment, another loved one going to be leaving our lives. Words of encouragement I give, and prayers that the good Lord doesn’t take another precious thing a way from me. Sounds selfish doesn’t it? Well, when we get to be older, sometimes being selfish is a good thing.
As you, yourself, walk through your own life, make sure to say hello to those you see. Smile, say hello. You may never know how you changed that person’s day. To those grown kids, stop what you are doing. Time is going by so quickly. Text or call your parent (s). Say you were thinking about them.
My Lord, don’t tell me you don’t have time or you are so busy at work!!! There are 168 hours in a week. There are 604,800 seconds in a week and 7 days in a week. Don’t use those same old excuses. We old ones caught on years ago. So hey, make the effort. Without your parents you wouldn’t be married, have kids, have a job. I could go on and on with things you wouldn’t have, if your parents didn’t want a child.
I am one of those kids who had two moms. My first mom and my dad were divorced before I was five. I tried for years to locate her because I knew deep down inside, she must have always loved me.
I did locate her when I was in my thirties. I flew out to her home. In fact, I flew out to Arizona a few times, even moved there for a short time. It didn’t work. She was a mess? She was hung up on the past and couldn’t see me as an adult. She was probably the worst mom I ever had. She passed away a few years back. God rest her soul.
My second mom married my dad when I was five. I don’t have excellent memories of her as a child. Partly due to my jealousy of a new baby, half-sister. I know I gave my mom grief, but she tolerated me.
Growing into a teen wasn’t easy for either of us. I bucked and she stood her ground. My jealousy continued for years as I saw the difference in showings of affection. There were hurtful conversations and separations at times, but she still stayed my mom.
When I was grown and had children, we became closer, but not in a bonding type. She loved my kids and I know she loved me the best she knew how. Times were better, but I could have worked harder at being a better daughter.
There came a time when I began losing family to heaven, and I also came to know God better. About two years before her passing, I committed to getting to know her as a woman and mom.
I am glad I did. She did a ton of awesome things in our community. She helped others without reward. She was a woman of God and believed strongly in her faith. She tolerated a less than perfect home life, shed some personal tears, but kept marching forward.
One day soon after her retirement she had an incident that landed her in the hospital in a coma. I comforted my father while we watched her leave us. I held her hand and whispered to her how sorry I was for all I had done and I told her how much I loved her.
She passed away within a week, but with all my training in the medical field, I believe with all my heart, she heard every word I said. I have no regrets to the commitment I made towards patching our relationship. I understand better today how easy it was to sway towards a biological child over a step child.
I had the best step-mom ever. Today, although she is in heaven, I dedicate this post to her; Donnis A. Miller.
LOVE YOU MOM
Love you , Mom
We can’t go back
Nor turn the clock
We can’t speak over
We can’t erase the tears.
We can be cocky
We can be smart-assed
But in the end; we grow.
Parents realize this
They forgive us
And continue to love.
We are not perfect
Neither are parents
We both do the best that we can.
For my parents, I am grateful.
Love you mom,
They have 2 dogs, Rufus and Rudy. One is a terrier, the other is a Bassett hound. The weather has rained off and on with the sun returning quick, but while the grill was cooking, the sun remained out.
She fixed brats, burgers and hotdogs. I had taken deviled eggs and Pistachio fluff. There was cottage cheese and chips. No one walked away from the table hungry, not even the begging dogs.
I took some photos of my grandkids. I have 11 all together. I could be wrong, but I think I am right. The ones you see here are brothers.
I had a wonderful Mother’s Day. Last evening my other daughter-in-law took me out to AppleBees for supper. I was able to visit with her and her 3 kids. Today, I didn’t have to cook and also received an indoor planted flower, and my daughter from down in KY called me too and we had a nice chat. Her hubby was preparing a surprise supper in her honor as a mother. What ever is was, I am sure it was great. He is a fabulous cook.
Here are some photos of all my grandkids. I am one lucky lady. I have 3 wonderful kids and awesome grandkids!