A Work in Progress

It wasn’t long ago that there was no worry or pain nor hurt. Do you remember that era? I do, it was when I was a young girl. Riding my bike, seeing how fast I could peddle, jumping rope, racing against my own legs. Swinging on the school swings. I can still hear my voice as I laughed full of freedom. Let’s see how high we can go!

Realizing when we got home from school our parents would be there or an entrusted sitter. We didn’t wonder if there would be a snack to eat, we knew it. We didn’t go straight to our room and throw our bodies on the bed and weep for what was to come.

I don’t think I actually felt a deep pain until my first break-up with my boyfriend in high school. I really believe for me, this is when I began to question who I was. Oh, I didn’t question the deep brain thoughts, I questioned my hair style, my clothes and probably my weight. I fretted about what the kids in school would say when they learned that WE were no longer going steady. Would I be able to handle seeing him without wanting to die?

Oh to have some of the simplistic life today. I still ponder on life but in different ways. I now no longer worry what people say about my clothes, because the major underside is comfort. I need comfort to be able to function from my gut problems of daily swelling. I don’t worry about make-up anymore because I rarely go out. I do think about how I look when my daughter comes to visit. I guess I never want her to see through me and guess my pain, so it is easier to play dress-up.

Today, I wake up and immediately thank God for a new day. I tell him my concerns and I pray for my children and their relationships and I pray for our President and our country. I ask him for strength to get through the day and I ask him for his healing.

Today, I still try to think of little things I can do or say to others. I believe we all, more than ever, need to know we are loved and needed. I believe that one smile is worth feeling alone. I firmly believe in Peace today. Peace within myself. Realizing that I made a ton of mistakes growing up and raising my family and peace that I can not go back and change one thing.

I want to know when that day arrives that Jesus lifts me up, I will have forgiven myself and that I am going to a beautiful home. When I look back, I smile at myself, at the progress I have made. I am far from being where I need to be, but I am making progress. I am what I would consider, a work in progress.

• 

There is Only today to Live

Wow, where did the year go? I can’t believe this is the last month of the year and also Christmas. What does the year say for you? How do you feel about Christmas?

For me, although I worried about remaining safe and my family not getting the virus; I am blessed today, as I am not one of those in the over crowded hospitals. I think what helps me follow the virus rules is, I don’t want to lie in a cold, hard bed all alone, and maybe die alone with my family and friends not being able to hold my hand.

I have always been afraid of being alone and it is quite actually silly because I am not alone at all. I never have been since I chose to let God live in my life and so I am not one of those anymore all excited about the presents and blitz, although I do love the soft lights of Christmas and the spirit of people’s hearts.

I am thankful that I made it to this day, to this month and to this year. I am sixty-six and I don’t know how many opportunities I am going to be given, so for me I will say thank-you each day I live.

Today, thirteen years ago, my hero of my life was taken to heaven. My daddy, how I still find some days to be as close as that day, is still being missed by me as much as the first day he left. Hand in hand, I heard him take his last breath. I love and miss you Daddy.

The Visit

THE VISIT

 

I can’t get it out of my mind. I keep thinking about the dream I had last night.

 

With the illness I have; I usually have terrible nightmares, always waking up before I die, but to see my brother in my dream and be able to talk to him was bigger than anything I have experienced.

 

I am a thinker by nature so it is not unusual for me to have been pondering on how I made this dream happen. Can I make it happen again?

 

Alvin was healed. He was standing tall. He wasn’t crying and he didn’t act afraid of life. He smiled that big, familiar smile I always saw.

 

We talked. In my dream it didn’t seem like we chatted for a very lengthy period, before I woke up, but I remembered it and i still remember it.

 

I have definitely moved on since his passing. I have managed to hide my tears and sadness. I have laughed among friends. This is the part that has moved on.

 

There is an injured snail crawling inside my spirit though. The feelers come out when I am all alone and this is when it seems like only yesterday; I walked into his bedroom and found he had passed.

 

The dagger still punctures my soul and heart. The eyes well up instantly. I sit. I remember. I cry. I don’t think we ever truly get over the death of a loved one.

 

I don’t know if we ever heal completely. It is complete though. He was born. He lived. He passed. I think there is a bigger torture when there is no final stage of life.

 

When friends or family hurt us and it is never settled. That sword just keeps twisting and stabbing. The mind rolls over big hills and stumbles over boulders as we try to find peace that is now broken.

 

How do we go forward? How do we hide the memories of what once made us smile. How do we hide the tears in our daily living?

 

It is so difficult but this is something each of us has to deal with and lay to rest. God placed us here to send the message out to others about his love.

 

God gave us feelings so we can love and hurt and hug and smile and heal. God gave us ears so we can listen to his message, a body who can accept a hug from another person.

 

We must give these heavy burdens to God. We need to carry our faith in large baskets, and know that whatever the problem; God will carry us through it. We have to believe this.

 

Other wise, we will be injured creatures, walking this earth, thinking only of our pain. We will not be able to reach out to others who need us or are hurting.

 

This dream that I was honored to be a part of was a wonderful vision. A gift from God you might say. I have told God so many times how my life will never be the same, how much I miss my brother.

 

God showed me last night, in my dream, that no matter what pain I am going through in my waking hours, he is right there, holding my hand, guiding me and showing me his love.

 

Thank-you God, for allowing the visit to happen between me and my brother.

 

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

October, 15, 2018

https://youtu.be/8H9T7427EbI

It has done almost nothing in Indiana except rain this summer. I have also fought various infections. It is time for both to stop. I want to enjoy what’s left of summer, because here; summers are short-lived.

 

I got out for a little bit this morning and enjoyed what was around me. I tend to shut out life and noise. I try more to focus on nature. I had been thinking of my family and how it used to be on Sundays. It isn’t like that anymore; for sure.

 

While I was out, I had the windows down in the car. The sun was actually shining and the heat not bad at all. I watched as a yellow and brown butterfly flew around the front of the car. In less than a blink of an eye, it came inside and sat on my steering wheel. It stayed for a few seconds and then flew around in my car. Having checked everything out, it flew outside again, took a flight around my car and then disappeared.

 

Was that you my brother? Maybe it was you; mom or dad? Either way, I know one of you knew I had been thinking about you today. Yes, I still love you. No, I will never forget you. See you in heaven dear family.

 

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

I can only imagine

What life would be today

With you right here beside me

Walking through it with me each day.

 

I can only imagine

Your words and smile

I bet you share them in heaven

While you sit with them a while.

 

I can only imagaine

Picking up the telephone

Hearing your voice so clear

I would not be feeling alone.

 

I can only imagine

Us sitting down to eat

Together like once before

Not like today; where i feel defeat.

 

I can only imagine

The Christmas tree all lit

Smiling faces and lights a glow

Can’t you come back; for just a bit?

 

I can only imagine

A life without you in it

Because I’m living it today

Feeling like I don’t even fit.

 

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

 

Dedicated to my family in heaven

06/17/2018

Story a Day

http://storyaday.org/day-21-news-flash/

 

Day 21 – News Flash

The Prompt

Write A Story As A News Report

 

I was going to write about the latest school shooting; but I already blogged about it on my other blog, Terry1954@wordpress.com

 

I am standing at the corner of Center and Main. Hi, My name is Terry Shepherd and I am reporting on the biggest day ever in our lives about the return of Jesus Christ.  The clouds had been lingering all morning, but in the last two hours sunshine has brightened our mood and opened all eyes, no matter where you stand.

Commotion has been swirling as a mighty tornado in this small, ancient city of Jerusalem. People have been lining up on the streets here for days. The news has been broadcasting the latest trend that, Jesus is coming back at 1pm today.

We have about fifteen minutes before 1 and the noise has started to settle. Cameras are going off, children are hopping on the backs of moms and dads. Everyone is standing, shading their eyes, looking to the skies.

Five more minutes. I look around the crowds and try to see the end; but there is no end in sight. I have never been a witness to this kind of event, but I can tell you that even I have goose bumps.

News has jumped softly on this topic for so many years but no one really knows if, wait, wait, listen everyone. Look, up there! In the sky! Is it? Could it be? Oh my God, oh my God. People know we are witnessing for the very first time. Yes, there he is.

Everyone is getting down on bended knees. I can hear prayers being said. I’m sorry folks, I am going to lay my mic down. This is a moment that only each of us can take in, in our own way. Just keep watching the camera.

 

 

Another Shooting? Why?

Where do we run to when we need to get help? Do we run to our local newspaper, the radio station or our local television stations?

Are you getting angry every time you see a post about another school shooting? I know I am. I think many of us pray for healing on these shooters that they may see the error in their decision; but maybe not enough are praying.

What in the world is happening that these people just walk up and start shooting others? I refuse to believe that they are mentally challenged. Look how much time is spent on the planning and purchasing the gear that is needed. Does this sound like someone who can’t think right?

This is what I believe about the shootings. Whether you believe it or not, is not important to me. What is important is; you know God.

Does the recent mass shooting in Las Vegas indicate a sign of the end times? It could well be, and although the Bible doesn’t expressly say mass killings are a sign of the end times, it does appear that the fig tree is bearing the fruit of Jesus’ return (Matt 24:32-34), so if this article or the escalating violence on the earth makes you think about Jesus’ Christ, then it has been more than worth it. All believers should be more passionate about reaching the lost before Christ returns, because then, it will be too late (Dan 12:2-3; Rev 20:12-25). We do know the day of Jesus’ return will, but we do know it come suddenly, like “the lightning comes from the east and shines as far as the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man” (Matt 24:27), so at any given moment, there “will appear in heaven the sign of the Son of Man, and then all the tribes of the earth will mourn, and they will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. And he will send out his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other” (Matt 24:30-31). Those who have rejected Christ will mourn, for then they will know (too late) that Jesus Christ does exist and He is coming to judge the world in righteousness, so I plead with you who disbelieve, to repent and put your trust in Christ. Today is the day of salvation (2nd Cor 6:2). Tomorrow may be too late.

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/christiancrier/2017/10/02/are-mass-shootings-predicted-in-the-bible-as-a-sign-the-world-is-coming-to-an-end/

 

Daily Prompt/ One Word Prompt

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/luminescent/

The word for today is, luminescent

Luminescent things glow with light. The illuminated screens of your laptop and TV are both luminescent.

And the world could not take anymore. And it began to heat until the grounds bubbled from within. Rockets of water underground burst up as if the knob was turned full force on the hydrant.

And the sin that ravaged through the earth was sucked down into big valleys that opened wide.

And out of the skies, an luminescent light glowed. And all of the people that knew what this represented, knelt down and awaited for their souls to be lifted up unto the heavens.

 

Angels

I am a short-story writer and a poet. If you would have an interest that you would like me to write about, please let me know.
I am now going to write about a topic on “Angels”. This idea comes from
Maria.

For months, Sherry was prayed for. She came down with an illness that not many doctors knew about. Sherry fought the diagnosis and continued to live her life on the wild side.

She drank and did drugs. She stayed out late at nights and often brought home strangers to keep her company during the nights.

Time flew by and so did the symptoms of her diagnosis. It got harder for Sherry to live the way she chose; but she continued the best she could.

There came a night when she left her familiar bar. It was late and had been raining for some time. When Sherry reached the wet pavement of the parking lot, her vision went blurry and she fell. She cracked her head hard.

While she lay there, three men came up and roughed her up and stole her purse and belongings. She couldn’t fight. Her mind was groggy. Her head was bleeding. She slipped in and out of alertness.

She sometimes thought she saw angels flying around her head. They were so beautiful, she thought. Light as air, huge, white, delicate wings. Then she would become alert and feel her pain.

What seemed hours, but less than a half-an-hour, the sirens were heard and soon she was lifted into the EMS. The ride was quick. The attendants were giving her oxygen, and had poked her arm with a needle. They were talking among each other and into speakers of some kind.

She was taken into the ER and placed on a clean, white table. She heard the men talking. “I don’t think she will make it, but let’s start a line on her. Check that blood pressure. How’s it doing?”

She closed her eyes and saw the most beautiful light. There were those angels again. She smiled to herself, as the angels swooped down and carried her home.

Written by,
Terry Shepherd

 

Tribute to My Mother’s

I am one of those kids who had two moms. My first mom and my dad were divorced before I was five. I tried for years to locate her because I knew deep down inside, she must have always loved me.

I did locate her when I was in my thirties. I flew out to her home. In fact, I flew out to Arizona a few times, even moved there for a short time. It didn’t work. She was a mess? She was hung up on the past and couldn’t see me as an adult. She was probably the worst mom I ever had. She passed away a few years back. God rest her soul.

My second mom married my dad when I was five. I don’t have excellent memories of her as a child. Partly due to my jealousy of a new baby, half-sister. I know I gave my mom grief, but she tolerated me.

Growing into a teen wasn’t easy for either of us. I bucked and she stood her ground. My jealousy continued for years as I saw the difference in showings of affection. There were hurtful conversations and separations at times, but she still stayed my mom.

When I was grown and had children, we became closer, but not in a bonding type. She loved my kids and I know she loved me the best she knew how. Times were better, but I could have worked harder at being a better daughter.

There came a time when I began losing family to heaven, and I also came to know God better. About two years before her passing, I committed to getting to know her as a woman and mom.

I am glad I did. She did a ton of awesome things in our community. She helped others without reward. She was a woman of God and believed strongly in her faith. She tolerated a less than perfect home life, shed some personal tears, but kept marching forward.

One day soon after her retirement she had an incident that landed her in the hospital in a coma. I comforted my father while we watched her leave us. I  held her hand and whispered to her how sorry I was for all I had done and I told her how much I loved her.

She passed away within a week, but with all my training in the medical field, I believe with all my heart, she heard every word I said. I have no regrets to the commitment I made towards patching our relationship. I understand better today how easy it was to sway towards a biological child over a step child.

I had the best step-mom ever. Today, although she is in heaven, I dedicate this post to her; Donnis A. Miller.

LOVE YOU MOM

Love you , Mom

We can’t go back

Nor turn the clock

We can’t speak over

We can’t erase the tears.

We can be cocky

We can be smart-assed

But in the end; we grow.

Thank goodness

Parents realize this

They forgive us

And continue to love.

We are not perfect

Neither are parents

We both do the best that we can.

For my parents, I am grateful.

Love you mom,

Terry Shepherd