Save A Place For Me


We were close

As children go

I don’t know what happened

We never let it show.

 

Time flew by

I grew up

We drifted apart

Sipped from different cups.

 

You got sick

I tried all I could

Wanted to save you

I sweared I could.

 

You went to heaven

I couldn’t stop you

I fell on my knees

It was all I could do.

 

I have regrets

Should have spoken

Told you how I felt

Now time is broken.

 

Time is ticking by

Quiet as all can be

Promise me this one thing

Save a place for me.

 

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

 

Dedicated to; D.S.

In honor of; T.D.S.

 

The Time is Near


It is the third month
The days are creeping up
Closer the calendar moves
I remember like it was yesterday
Your smile, your tears, your silence.
Brother dear, I know you left me a penny
I found it on the floor
You probably see that I am wearing your IU jacket too
It is one way I can feel close to you.
I miss you baby brother
There will never be another
With big blue eyes
The color of skies
A grin so wide
No where to hide
I saw the questions you had
When you felt so bad
I couldn’t keep it away
MSA took you that day
March 24, 2014
It was a disease so mean
No matter what I try
I still cry
I miss you brother
There will be no other.
 
Written by your sister for you my dear brother,
Terry Sheperd
In memory of a warrior of Multiple System Atrophy

THE NOTE


He was walking on the beach. He had been walking this route ever since his wife passed away two years ago. He had sunk to an all-time low when he laid her to rest. He found he had to force himself out of bed each morning.

He couldn’t think of Ellen without a pool of tears. His appetite had disappeared and he didn’t want to eat anymore. Life became a burden. He didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to live.

One morning when he was putting on his shoes and socks a pain so sharp ran down his arm. He grabbed his chest and knew in an instant he was having a heart attack. He managed to reach the cordless phone and push 911. He didn’t remember anything after that.

The heart doctor had saved him but insisted he get some exercise into his routine. He told him he understood about his wife and how he was feeling. He explained that Ellen would not want him to live this way.

It was the next day that he kissed his beloved’s photo on his night stand. He finished breakfast and put on his jacket and headed out the door. He decided he didn’t want Ellen to be seeing him this way, so he would start that walk.

He chose the beach because Ellen loved the water. The two had taken many walks  along his path. He remember placing her hand in his, and the smile she would give him, letting him realize how much the two of them loved each other.

He didn’t take too much notice to what was going on around him during his walks. He was doing it for his wife and doctor. Today, was different though. He stopped about half-way down the beach and gazed out over the water.

Sparkles seemed to bounce off the gentle waves. The sun seemed to be reaching down through the waters and lifting diamonds from the bottom of the floor. He stood there wondering how his wife liked heaven, when he heard the voice.

He looked around him. He stared deep into the water. No one was around, but yet he heard the voice once more. It was Ellen’s voice. Shivers went down his arms as he knew in reality she was not there. This was a game of the imagination.

Soon the voice was no more and he made himself walk back to the house. He made himself a cup of coffee and then went to the wrap-a-round porch and sat in the porch swing. He took a sip and closing his eyes, he relived the times he and his wife had danced a waltz on this porch, or had sat in the swing together, talking the evening away.

A tear and then another began to fall. He missed her so much. Life would never be the same. It sometimes felt like half  of his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He opened his eyes and listened to the sounds of birds. Sometimes a passing car would go by and honk. He would motion a wave. He finished his coffee and went back inside to pass the rest of the day away.

Each day, at the same time, he took his walk. Each day he heard the voice, but saw no one. Each day, he seemed to miss her more. He wondered if he  would ever be able to get on with his life.

It was on a Friday. He hated Fridays because the weekend followed. He would get groceries alone, go to church alone. He was at the beach. It was a little crisp this day. An overnight rain had happened, leaving the beach with less people.

He stopped and waited to hear the voice, when the winds picked up. He looked out over the water and saw what could be thought of as a very small whirlpool. The waters stirred. The winds were picking the water up and forming it into some  familiar shape.

The diamonds scattered throughout and then seemed to follow a funnel pattern. He watched with amazement as the diamond cluster came closer to where he stood. He should leave. He should go to safety; but something held him in his place.

As the cluster came closer, he raised his hands and held them out to the ocean, as if to capture the voice he was expecting to hear. The sun sparked a brightness that caused him to have to shade his eyes with one hand.

He still held the other out to the mysteries resting upon the waves. He felt a tingle in his fingers and it exploded into his palm. He drew his hand back towards him and he fell to the sand. He lowered his hand that had been shielding his eyes and he cuddled the form in his hands as if he was holding a newborn for the very first time.

The brightness left, leaving a glow of red hues in his palm. It seemed like minutes that he rocked back and forth. The glow simmered then exhausted itself; leaving a tiny note lying in his hand.

He ever so carefully unfolded the piece of paper. He stared at the writing and then his lips formed the words, I love you too darling. I can’t wait to see and be with you again.

The note said,

I watch you my darling

I see you each day in my view

I may not walk this path anymore

But know this; I still love you.

Ellen

 

me today 3

Nancy Reagan


 

I am nothing more than a piece of grain in a gently, blowing field.

So since I am me, how was it that the announcement of Nancy Reagon’s passing touch my heart and squeeze it? I have never met her. I have never chatted with her in any form. I have only heard of her through media.

 

 

NANCY REAGAN

When a lady acts like a lady, she stands out

When you see an ever-loving smile you watch

With grace she walked, her love shone through

Ronnie’s eyes lit up, whenever she was about.

 

She was and will remain a gem

Many will forever remember her name

She will be missed by many

Still writing her name with their pen.

 

She did many good things in life

The examples she set rang true

Now, her prayers have been answered

As once again, they’re  together, husband and wife.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

03/08/2016

 

Nancy-Reagan-241x300

 

Dear Lord


 

Today, I was reading on one of my MSA sites on Facebook, of another family member, waiting for God to come take a loved one home. It still yanks at my heart, as my memories still remain fresh in my mind of my loss of Al.

DEAR LORD

Dear Lord above

You see this soul

Lying in the bed.

You know it is

Almost time.

I have to admit

I don’t understand.

I said many prayers.

I did all I could.

I have to believe

That you need him.

You have a higher plan

And you feel his work

Here on earth is done.

I will shed many tears

For I will miss him so,

But I can’t help but smile

As I know the pain

Is coming to an end.

And he will be walking

With you Lord

Happy and healed.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

02/04/2016

Golden Angel


Golden Angel

 

Death was at my door

A glow of light behind

Peace came all around me

Like I’d never felt before.

 

I asked her a simple question

“Are you here to take me home?”

She smiled a gentle smile

“Yes, it’s time, my little friend.”

 

She lifted me by rays

I rested softly in the light

She spared me any pain

It was the best of all my days.

 

My body is healed  again

I am smiling ear to ear

I don’t know what I feared

Heaven is the place to be in.

 

Don’t worry my friends and family

I will never forget you, I swear

I will save a spot for each of you

Because this is where you will be.

 

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

01-15-2016

 

golden angel

 

 

MY TESTIMONY


Back in the day, in fact, I remember it clearly; March, 2011. I was caring for my brother. I thought our lives were so extinct compared to others around us. I thought Al, my brother had it just terrible.

The news of realizing he had Multiple System Atrophy, (MSA) devastated me more than it did Al, with his mental disability, I am not positive that he understood his fate in life as well as I did.

I had begun to pray daily, sometimes several times a day. I prayed out of guilt. The fact, that Al could no longer work nor drive, had forced me to give up my paying job and begin the roller coaster ride for the next three years of taking care of him.

Little did I know that the day God answered my prayer about getting a job that pays, was truly a job that paid much more than any President could ever acquire. Lessons on patience, giving and not expecting anything in return, learning about the routine and how it can and will be broken, are huge lessons that pay more than life itself.

I took care of Al and  God’s answered prayer to begin writing was a beginning of a new life for someone in her fifties. I discovered the talent that God gifted me with when I learned I could write heart-felt, short stories that others connected with.

I learned I could write poetry. I opened up new doors and began speaking to anyone who would listen to me about MSA. My heart opened so wide I began to receive the true message of what love really is.

Love is not really about being with that special mate, or the giddiness we feel when our better half looks at us in that special way. Love is giving of ourselves. Without harming our spirit, we grow, we prosper by listening with our souls to those who are in need of the human voice or touch.

I didn’t know what blogging was. I didn’t believe that little old me had anything worthy to say that could affect another human life until one day I received a comment from another blogger. I don’t remember the exact words. I do know that in a lot of my blogs I write about God and humanity; and this had been one of those blogging post.

This particular blogger had told me that in that precise second he read my post, I had saved his life. I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t think I had that kind of effect on anyone. He told me that he was getting ready in the next few minutes to commit suicide by taking an over dose of pills.

Something he had read in my post had triggered a tenderness that made him realize that he was worth living. I am not God by any means; but I do believe that God answered my prayer. He used me as his tool to help others who are in pain. He helped me to spread the word of God through a blank screen in my own living room. He taught me that money is good, but the word of God, the understanding and empathy for others is much more valuable.

Today, I still struggle. I still have to have talks with God constantly. I  have problems like the rest of us. I have teeth issues that are in need of hundreds of dollars with no dental insurance.

I have gait and tremors that are preventing me of finding a paying job that I can do. I don’t want to worry; but I find myself doing it anyways because I am not perfect, and God knows what is going to happen, and he is going to take care of me exactly at the right moment. Something or someone will happen in my life, and I will not end up on the homeless list, nor will I ever see my refrigerator totally bare.

Today, once again I was taught another lesson. I had to go back and remember why did God have me begin writing? What had I learned by  caring for Al ? What had I learned from those seven years of his illness?

When I worry too much God will show me very clearly that although I can’t see my future, I am very blessed. The lessons he shows me are so clear, I can never doubt that it comes from God.

There is a blogger out here in the world that I don’t hear from too often. He is sick like my brother was. I have come to the realization that he is an angel being sent by God to make me remember how powerful and loving God is. I read the comment and once again, hearing from him, ripped at my seams. Opened the flood gates of tears, making me realize how fortunate I am.

I am so rich in life. God has given me every tool he has to help me become the person he wants me to be. It is up to me, whether I use those tools or not; but how can I not pay attention when the angel, a dear friend, who suffers from the devil’s disease as Al did, writes to me.

This is what I saw, this is what he wrote, and this is how I know that writing is what I am supposed to continue to do. We can’t go wrong when we follow the lead of our heavenly father.

I know there are those who don’t believe, and there are those who question. This post is not to try to convince you. I guess you could call this My Testimony. Here are his words. I want to add to his words, I love you Michael, from one friend to another. In faith we will walk this path together. You are not alone. God is right beside you. My spirit is there with you. You are a warrior my friend.

“Dont want too see people much at all,i dont want themlooking at me .Iam embarassed for them.Iused to love being anywhere with lots of people,now i cannot bear it .I talk quitely and stammer and i have tremmor on my right side .You know the rest Terry.I am still here fighting to stay alive as long as i can.I love the fact you had a bargain today precious Terry.Now other than my wonderful family ,you are the only person i talk to.It is getting so difficult to communicate .Sometimes i dont know who or where i am.Istill think of Al and you whenever my mind comes back,from the horrendous journeys it takes me on.Phisicaly and mentaly exhausted,hurting so much ilook forward to seeing your writings and messages.Al and yourself and what you went through prior to his death have gave me an insight into the dark spiteful .vicious ways this monster kills you from within. .My body and my brain have almost given their all,and i am so ill,keep writing and thinking of Al.You know our love and hearts are always there with you.We wish you nothing but the best Terry,especially for your patience and kindness you have shown me and others.May your God protect you from all evil in our world and love and cherish you for the sweet angel that you are. Michael .”

ballon 2balloonbook 2cemetary day 2

 

HEAVEN


people 2The cover photo on this page is one afterlife representation of two female spirits supposedly going to heaven* ( See below). (Photo prompt by Marcella Leff, administrator)

You may write a poem in any style or form ONLY on the afterlife. Post the poem only. Explanation about your poem is permissible. No other photos. Poems with photos will be deleted. You may post as many poems as you want but comments are counted per poem only. Since this is the last in the series, try to write an epitaph, example is shown in the posting.

Winner will be judged by the most original comments. One person can make many comments but only counts as one comment for winning at the end of the time limit. Your own comments do not count because you cannot judge your own poem.

Contest will be from April 21 until April 28, 9:30 pm. All members are invited to enter this contest. You can add your friends to join. Challenge them.

Administrators may post examples of poems but are not eligible to win. Administrators can like your poems but their comments do not count.

A new prompt will be posted every week. This is the fifth and last segment in the death and dying series for National Poetry Month for April.

*In philosophy, religion, mythology, and fiction, the afterlife is the concept where an individual’s identity or consciousness continues to exist after the death of the body. And for some individuals who do not hold these beliefs, it can be vampires or just nothing.

HEAVEN

My eyes could not adjust

Light stronger than any lust

Beaming through and all around me

I had passed by the golden key

No words can ever be told

Of the beauty standing oh so bold

The veil over my sight has gone

Clear as bells such lovely songs

Dancing notes upon the clouds

Trumpets in background blaring loud

All my work to do good will

Carried me yonder and over the hill

I stand before Jesus and kneel to my knees

I weep with joy as he welcomes me.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

4/22/2015

Mystery Box/ The Daily Post


https://dailypost.wordpress.com

 

Mystery Box

You wake up one morning to find a beautifully wrapped package next to your bed. Attached to it is a note: “Open me, if you dare.” What’s inside the mystery box? Do you open it?

 

Christmas is better than I thought it would be. I spent the evening and night with my daughter and her family. This helped me so much. Every year for years my family would spend Christmas with my parents at their home on Christmas Eve.

My parents have been gone for some time. Mom passed in October of 2000, and dad passed in December of 2007. After Al passed this year in March, the last thing I wanted to have happen was Christmas.

No one can fix this for me. Nothing can make 2014 not pass on, taking the words of Al passed away this year and turning it into Al passed away 1, 2, or more years ago. Thankfully my memory part of my brain still functions and I can remember my parents and Al very well.

So when this topic on Daily Post came up it gave me an opportunity to live out my secret wishes. So here is my story in my mind as it plays out.

Christmas was so lonely, but only on the inside of me. I had a wonderful time with my family, but I knew something or some people were missing from my celebration. I did my best. I smiled and carried on conversations. I played with the grandchildren. I ate a wonderful meal. We shared a wonderful time; but way back in my mind I couldn’t help but keep thinking of my parents and my brother,  Al.

The evening light turned to dusk. I lit the candles and listened to Christmas music on the television.After some time, I realized how tired I was so I blew out the flames and left the music playing. I brushed my teeth and got dressed into my pajamas.

I laid in my bed my mind turning over and over as if I could ever forget the memories of mom, dad and Al. An angel must have sprinkled some angel dust over my eye lids because the next thing I knew it was daylight.

I had nothing going on and didn’t really feel like starting a new day, but my brain was thinking hot coffee. I sat up on the edge of my bed and reached down to get my slippers when I saw a beautiful box wrapped in silver and draped in gold ribbons.

There was a gift tag on it. It wasn’t signed but it did say, open me if you dare. I picked it up and noticed how light it was for such a big box. I shook it and heard nothing rattle. I wondered how it got there, but decided to open it. My curiosity got the best of me.

I carefully took the ribbons off and tried to take the paper off gently so I could save the pretty color. Once the lid was off there were three pieces of paper inside. I took them out and placed the box off to the side on the bed.

Unfolding each piece one by one tears began to fall gently down my cheeks. Then they showered my face and a smile beamed like a ray of sunlight. This is what each piece of paper said.

Dear Terry,

I know when I left this earth,  you would be sad without me, but I knew you were strong and you would make it through. I have been watching over you and I am so proud of you. You have wonderful kids and grandchildren. You took excellent care of dad and Al. You published two books. Be happy Terry. Heaven is wonderful. Mom

 

Dear Terry,

You did such a good job taking care of me Terry. I know it was tough having to listen to words from others that hurt. I know you could have had more help caring for me, but you pulled it off. I wanted to tell you all those years I didn’t go to church or read my bible, well I am glad I changed my life because heaven and God are awesome. I love you Terry. See you when you get here. Dad

 

Dear Terry,

I know you have suffered so much sis since I left. I have seen you crying when you thought no one was looking. I know you understand that I had to go. God kept telling me he could heal me of MSA. I wanted to stay with you but I wanted to heal more. I am glad you moved out of the house. I know and understand why you did it. You have a wonderful Christmas. I am not there but I am with you in spirit. Feel that soft breeze going through your hair? It is me doing it. I love you sis, Al.

christmas shot 2

Fear is Strong


Fear

 

All my days I worried
Stressed over each little thing
Can’t say I really enjoyed it
Couldn’t even find a tiny bling

The days turned into years
And my health began to fail
My heart became more weak
My body turned so frail

I carried my fear within me
For only I knew the reason why
I tried to change old habits
When I knew I was going to die

Then the day came upon me
And my number I knew was up
I got called to another level
I prayed, oh God please fill my cup

The next thing I remember
Are lights so bright around
I saw an angel playing a flute
And I knelt unto the ground

Peace filled each living space
Angels swarmed round to greet me
All the fears I had of dying
Were wasted when I should have trusted thee

Written by,
Terry Shepherd
12.24.2014

christmas shot 5