My Request For Christmas


My Request for Christmas

 

Lying on my bed

Visions in my head

I hop off and kneel

I pray for one moment to steal

Please dear Lord, send me

Hear me God, I plea

Just one more time I ask

Allow my eyes to bask

A visit from  above

To all those I so love

Let me hold their hand

Let our love be  grand

I want for nothing else

Ask nothing for myself

Please dear Lord I pray

Send them for just one day.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

12.08.2014

Woman-praying

 

My Angel


angels poetryMY ANGEL

When I think of you

I wonder how you are

I stop to feel you near

I can’t help but feel so blue.

 

When I think back on that day

A blur of emotions

Strangers standing round

All taking my view away.

 

My heart ached so much

My tears overflowed

I felt widely broken

Please just one more touch.

 

Nights felt so black

Decisions must be made

Oh God help me through this

I just want him back.

 

The time ticks by

People continue in motion

I am still standing here

Not a day has gone by.

 

One night in my sleep

An angel appeared to me

I awoke and rubbed my eyes

Then I began to weep.

 

There at the edge of my bed

You stood standing all healed

You have brought me a message

That I have instilled in my head.

 

You smiled at me and I stood up

I walked to you touching the air

Your warmth brought comfort and

Our love began to erupt.

 

That was a long time ago

When you came to visit me

You showed me you’re always here

My angel, I will always know.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

12.03.2014

 

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving dear friends


I   don’t  know  where  the  time  went  today .  I   planned  on  writing  to  you  earlier. Now it’s  evening  and thoughts  are turning  to  preparations  of tomorrow’s  big turkey  day.

Tomorrow  I  will  be  spending  the  day  with  my  daughter  and my thoughts  will  be  also  with  my family  and  friends  back  in  Indiana. So many  things  change  in our lives as we get older. I say  a silent  prayer and thank  God  for  allowing  me  to  have spent  many  years  with  my parents  and  my brother.

Maybe I   will   take a quick  ride to heaven and sit with my family  at the  big  table. I   will  tell  them  how  much  I  love  them  and  miss  them, then  hurry  back to the  people  who  love  me here  on  earth.

So to each  of  you  no matter  where  you  are  I  wish  you  a  happy  Thanksgiving  Day. God bless you  and  your  family  and  enjoy  what  ever  you  are  doing  tomorrow.

Memories of Her Laughter and Great Food


I just leaned today that a dear friend of mine from up north has passed a way. It crushed my heart. If I could, I surely would be there for my friend and her family.

I used to be friends with the entire family when I was a teen. The one daughter and myself along with another out of the family friend ran around and lived those freedom days.

Many moons later I happened to apply for a job as a care giver and low and behold it was for this family I had known for so long. I was so thrilled to be sitting in their living room once again. Talk sort of became side-tracked as we relived memories from our younger days.

I did get the job. I took care of their parents. The mother had always been a school teacher. She was very much a lady and loved her husband and children very much. She also wrote poetry; which I am still blessed to have a special book of her poems. I loved hearing her stories about how their home grew from a small home to a big beautiful home.

The mother loved having company. She cherished life when her grandchildren came to visit. After she and her husband had been married for so many years, I enjoyed the quaint words they used towards each other when they didn’t agree, or one wanted to be left alone.

It was a Sunday morning and I was getting Mom up for the day. I took the extra time to doll her up, as I call it. I put her in her dressy outfit. I did her hair and put her jewelry on her neck and ears. I applied make-up.

I showed my work to her in her mirror and she gave me the biggest hug I had experienced in some time. My heart jumped out of its cage and I was so thrilled I had made her so happy.

I was so glad I had done that, as not very long afterwards she passed a way. Oh how my heart ached. Her husband knew her health was not good, but the reality of losing her caused a great sadness and a quietness about him, I had never seen before.

I felt so bad for him and I worked extra hard at trying to make the time I was with him more enjoyable. I would help him sit in his wheelchair and since he lived in a small, county town, I would push him down the sidewalks to the city fairs. Some weekends we would visit little shops.

He pointed out and tried out different canes he saw in the stores. He sure did have a thing for canes.   We would stop in at a place he belonged to so he could visit with his best friends. I took him to church as long as he could handle the ride. He had served in the war and also did his work in tomato crops after returning home.

Over time from his sadness and loss of his best friend, his health declined and I was so sad once again when he passed a way. The funeral was nice and I took with me and still carry many fond and loving memories of the couple I cared for.

Now today, one of their children passed a way. She was a joy to be around. She had a gift of gab, which always drew me near her. She was a good cook too, and I loved being invited and to feel a part of this family.

Anita  and I became good friends. I never felt like an employee when I was with her. When there were special occasions I was always excited to see her once again.

Well to be even more honest, I thought all of the kids in this family were awesome. I watched one of the kids fall in love. It was so beautiful. I enjoyed going along to their lake house. I just loved everything about them. Still today, when I see Carol, I take the time to stop and chat. Anita and I still speak through Facebook.

In final, I want to say, I will miss you Barb. I would give anything to be up their to pay my respects. Know in my heart, that you will always live in my memories. Your laughter will always ring in my ears.

I pray that this close family will cling to one another. I ask God to surround his love and shoulders so that you may draw comfort. I will never forget the wonderful and sad moments during my few years working for you. I love you all. God bless.dentist 2

I Didn’t Want You to Go


I Didn’t Want You To Go

 

I didn’t want you to go

Didn’t you really know?

All the prayers I said at nights

While you were fighting the fight

I didn’t want you to go

Didn’t my sadness show?

The thought of you not here

Placed my body in total fear

How can I possibly go on

Turn a smile from a frown

How will you hear me say

You say you will always stay?

You promise to stay near?

You say I have no need to fear?

I will cling to your every word

When I see the flying of birds

I will look up to the skies

And quickly wipe the tears from my eyes

I hear you whisper to me

You say it is time to flee

I will love you forever bud

My love I will send above

Hold that spot you promised you would

I promise I will come, I will be good

For there is one thing I  know

The time apart, it will go so slow

But when God says my time is here

We will soar through the skies so near.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10.28.2014

flying angels

 

Oh How I Miss You So Today


Can you believe that it has been seven months since Al died? I know I can’t. Life goes round just like a merry-go-round. People don’t forget Al, but life throws more issues that seem to pile up and months slip by.

I was thinking of him so much today. Last year at this time we were struggling so bad with Al getting up and getting dressed and ready to get on the bus to take him to Day Care.

The Christmas tree was up and lit but he didn’t care. My heart has been hurting so bad today for missing him. This coming Halloween will be one year since Al last went to Day Care. He told me he was just too tired to go anymore. From that day forth he became bedridden.

I suppose I am acting normal; probably like anyone else who has lost a loved one. I see myself acting out the days starting now and I wonder if I will continue until his first anniversary passing.

I have a small video that I have kept tucked away. I played it today. Although it is only 20 seconds long, I wanted to feel the pain. Does that make any sense? I needed and longed to feel him near me.

I never wanted to lose him. I needed to cry today, so this is why I played the video. Hearing his voice is so important to me. I can’t hear my mother’s voice anymore. She has been gone 14 years. I have to strain to  hear my father’s voice and he has been gone 8 years this December. I didn’t want to lose Al’s voice.

On the video I am not even sure he knew I was recording him. I went in to check on him and he was talking to God. The video plays only the words of, God take me home over and over. Oh buddy, I am so glad you got your answer. You are home, safe and free of pain. You fly with golden wings for being so strong and fighting MSA until the very end.

I miss you so much. I may not see the illness in my new home, but I can see and hear your voice. Tonight, I feel so terribly alone. How can the world keep moving when I have days when I am standing still, looking over his bed, and knowing his soul had risen to the heavens.

I miss you so much it hurts. I will see you soon dear brother. I will see you soon. Love you bud.book 2shoes 2Al's funeral 6

Time Is Not On Our Side


It is that time of year again. Time to bow our head and say a prayer to the one above. We should be thanking God that we did survive 9/11. Many were taken from loved ones. We watched in horror on our television sets as the disasters happened; feeling hopeless and praying like crazy that those people would remain alive.

Today is a very good day to put into practice where we are at in our own lives. There  have  been rumors floating about the attack coming once again. Whether this is true or not; it does bring to mind what I mentioned above.

No matter where you live or how rich or poor, if an attack happens in our area, are we ready? If we had a half an hour in advance warning that we would not have our homes, our children, our jobs or families or our own lives, what would be the first thing on our minds?

This is nothing like hearing a tornado siren coming.

 

 

 

It wouldn’t be a warning on the television asking you to close all of your windows due to high winds and too much rain. No, this would be a warning that the only one who would be in touch with it would be ourselves.

Maybe our first instinct would be to check and see where our medications are or grab our most important items out of the safe; but let’s face it, does any of that matter when we may be facing our last half hour of our lives?

Now is the time to take warning. Check out where your heart is. Do you know for a fact that you will go to heaven? Is there doubt? Today, September 10, 2-14 we have time. Time to make changes, time to change our priorities, but let’s not fool ourselves. There really isn’t as much time as we believe there is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus-2nd-Coming-With-Angels-In-Glory-Picture

Goodbye, I Will Always Remember You; A Tribute to My Brother, Alvin


I packed some more things today and then the phone rang. The voice sounded familiar as we talked. He said it was finished and I said thank-you and goodbye. My stomach started churning. I thought sure I was going to vomit. Everything from the past five months came flooding back to the front of my mind.

I finished what I was doing. I changed my clothes. I grabbed my purse and my camera. As I started the car quiet tears began to fall. I knew I had to keep it together or I would not be able to drive.

I drove the ten minutes and turned the car in between the gates. I drove slowly taking in the atmosphere as if I had entered a different realm beyond this earth. I stopped the car and turned the keys.

Silence came over me. I grabbed my camera and did what I knew I needed to do. Taking the photos and being satisfied with my work I walked back to the car, got in and began to sob.

Everything I had been holding back since March 24th at 8:30am came flooding down my cheeks. I cried like I have never cried.  I explained to my brother that I was leaving. I told him how I would never forget him but I must move forward in order to heal. I told my parents hello and I knew that mom especially, was so glad I could pay a visit.

I asked Al to keep his promise to save a spot for me and I almost felt his smile as I gazed down at his new headstone that was completed only hours ago. I knelt by Al and I touched the cold cement, but I knew my heart was warm as I felt the closest to Al I had since his passing.

I promised him I would come back and visit. I promised him that my daughter and son-in-law would look after me as well as he did. I promised him I would laugh one day again.

My job is complete. I cared for my brother with everything I had in me. I made sure he had as good of life and lots of laughter and fun as possible. I kept my promise to myself that he would have a nice funeral. I promised that somehow I would come up with the money for his headstone.

It was never a true job, but it had its ups and downs. I didn’t punch in and out on a time clock as his care never was less than 24/7. It was a job that tested my mental alertness, my devotions, my faith in God. It taught me more about compassion than any other job I have ever held.

As I walked up to my front door I turned around and looked at what I would soon be leaving. I swear I felt God’s arms around me. I know I felt Al’s smile. I love you buddy forever and ever.

Photos are:

Alvin’s new headstone with the coca-cola bottle and red cap

My parents headstone which rest beside Alvin

The clouds that I saw when I turned from my door and looked up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cemetary day 2cemetary daycemetary day 3cemetary day 4

Lies Can Be Beneficial


I was reading a blog post from my friend Julie. (http://jmgoyder.com/)

She blogged today about how she has come to the point where she has to lie to her husband, Ants, to save him confusion. Ants suffers from Parkinson’s Disease and Dementia.

I related to that easily. I used to have to lie to my brother, Al also. I hated it, I really did. All those seven years I took care of him while he suffered the effects of M.S.A. (Multiple System Atrophy) I never lied to him.

I waited until he was nearing the last two weeks of his life and then I began the lying process. Al fought going to heaven. It isn’t as if I decided he was going to heaven, or I was punishing him in any way because he wouldn’t pass into heaven.

Actually the only one who felt punished was myself. Doctors, ministers, and deep within Al and myself; we all knew his time was counted in hours. It may be five months since Al went to see Jesus; but believe me, it is like it was yesterday.

Al was worried about leaving me and his personal items. He fought through each day. He suffered from infections, holes in his ear and shoulder, high fevers, to remain here in his bedroom and with me by his side.

I began to tell him he could take everything he wanted to heaven with him. He had me get a piece of paper and a pen and he instructed me through mumbling of words what he wanted to leave me after he passed.

I explained that he was being very kind, but if he chose to change his mind, he could. Although Al could not write any longer, he insisted he sign his name to that piece of paper. With my help of placing the pen in his hand, and guiding gently, he made some marks on that paper. I knew after we completed his wishes, he did feel better. I still have that special signature yet today.

There came a point where the ministers had tried to encourage Al about how wonderful heaven was, but Al wouldn’t budge. One day the two of them told me to say anything to him that he may understand, so that he could be healed.

My heart stung, and the words tasted bitter on my tongue as I explained what finally Al understood and he felt comfortable enough to leave the sick body and go to heaven. If you remember or if you have never read my blogs, my brother was mentally challenged. I told Al, ” it will be like when we took your car to the shop to get its oil changed. You are going to do that too. You will leave, get a new body and then come back.”

I cried during those few words. It killed me knowing I was lying, but the reward was Al understood. I can remember clear as day his words to my statement. Is that all? That sounds pretty easy.

Within 24 hours, he passed. Oh how I miss him yet today. I realize two things. I.  I am not a good liar. My escape from being a liar is usually not to comment when placed in a position I may have to say something untrue. 2. Sometimes lies are beneficial. I know that in my brother’s case, it was suffering versus healing.Al and Rhino, Nov 1