I Had to Smile


I wrote yesterday about my chaotic week. Full of hurt and loss from loved ones. After repeating to myself over and over, See through your eyes Lord, Hear through your ears, Love through your heart; I am more calm this morning.

I can not control how I am feeling in my heart from people’s actions but I can control how I let it affect me. There is nothing worse than being un-friended by a loved one or knowing there is an issue but the other person won’t allow you to know what it is.

What can I do about it? Pray, give it to God, let him deal with it. He knows how to fix things. The other thing I do when I get to bombarded by the “stuff” in this world is look for something that makes just me  happy, and this is what I did.

I went to my favorite second-hand store. I looked at everything, knowing I had a budget I had to stick to. I saw this piece that I had been wanting for about a month. Every time I went inside this store, there it sat.

Yesterday, I decided; this would make me smile. This would make me feel good every time I went into my bathroom, which is where I placed my new piece. Here is a photo of it and yes, I am still smiling over it.

53607315_10216096966311562_4653028729373589504_n

It is about four foot tall. It is slender which fits my bathroom perfect. I filled it with toilet paper and soaps. I love it. Of course I love old things. What do you think? Do you like it? Do you ever buy yourself treats when life gets you down? Does it help when you do?

I am a Nut in a Shell


I woke-up early in a good mood. After sitting in bed a few minutes I decided I really wasn’t ready to get up. I laid back down and slept another hour. This time I had to get  up and was ready also.

I took my shot and my medications then drank my first cup of coffee. I turned on a movie that I had seen last night on the news. It was called, Abducted Twice in Daylight; I think. It was about this small town where everyone knew and were good friends.

A neighbor and his family had moved in next door. The two families became close friends, sharing their lives together like most neighbors do. What happened from there, didn’t really shock me but I was more into what is going on in the minds of sick people. It was a movie I watched to the end.

I don’t know if I have ever been that trusting in my entire life to  have made some of the decisions these parents of the kidnapped girl did. Maybe I have a more suspicious mind. It seems to me that in this movie, things would have got nipped in the bud long before people’s lives got hurt. You will have to check this movie out and let me know what you think.

The next thing I did was get dressed and put on some make-up. I have been applying make-up to cover some of the age spots I have. I have always had a fear of dying and getting old. Don’t ask me why. I already know I am going to heaven and I realize I can’t stop the process.

I went into the bathroom and tried to do something with my hair. I actually hate my hair cut I got a few months back. It didn’t turn out like I wanted at all. I may have already mentioned this in a prior post, but after the hair cut cutting began; I learned the stylist was new. A nightmare is what I call it. It can only grow out in my opinion.

I used a mirror to see the back of my hair in the bigger mirror. I almost fell over and I felt my jaw drop big. What I saw was this hugs area of small thinning, maybe bald spots. Oh my gosh. I am getting old.

Instantly, any good thoughts about how I looked at myself were gone. I wanted to change my clothes back to bed clothes and hide under my covers. My opinion of myself as being outgoing and not too bad looking for almost being 65, and the thoughts that there are others heavier than me, came tumbling down like and eruption of boulders falling to the road.

I did the best that I could. I decided then and there I would not color my hair a darker shade anymore. I would let it go back to its natural blonde. This way the baldness wouldn’t be so bold.

I put everything away, and got me a cup of coffee. Here I set at the computer talking to you and yet my heart is still sinking and my self-worth is almost shot. I always wanted to be accepted, a thing from my childhood. I always wanted people to know that I was a compassionate, caring and empathetic woman. Why in the world do I want to hide myself now over bald spots?

 

womens-thinning-hair-loss-s9-photo-of-alopecia-areata

Ah, The Hell With It


When you look in the mirror
Do you see horror or do you laugh
Do you recognize the person
Or do you feel you’ve been given the shaft?
 
When you crawl out of bed
Do you do it with ease
Or do you stop and fumble
Feels like falling to the knees.
 
If you rolled up your hair
And put make-up on your face
Do you think this would help
Make you feel part of the race?
 
When you go potty first thing
Do you look at your skin
Have you noticed the bags
That hang from your shins?
 
When you slip into clothes
Do you go for the look
Or do you put clothes on for comfort
Like a fish on a hook.
 
When you turn on the TV
And you see those faces
Does it make you want to go out
Buying up all make-up places?
 
I went through my stages
Of trying to keep up
Now I’ve decided to be comfy
And quit wondering what’s up.
 
Written by,.
Terry Shepherd
terry

Why Don’t People Follow the Rules?


Hello my friends. Today was not fun so far. It sleeted overnight and I had to go to the doctor for lab work. It wasn’t fun and I drove like a turtle. I kept thinking, ” you all go around me, I don’t care.”

 

Afterwards I went to work but there was no work available so I drove back home. I have to go back to the doctor’s this afternoon for my results, hoping the roads will be better. When I came home, someone other than who lives here, had parked in my spot. This is a private area parking and usually when this happens, someone from a business beside me is parking in my spot.

 

I have to get out of my car and go up several steps and go inside and ask who is parking in my spot. Someone always raises their hand and says they were just going to be a minute. I tell them, it’s private, and for them to park on the street. They usually laugh and ignore me. Today was worse though. The car didn’t belong to the business next door and I had to end up parking in front on the street. A lot longer walk for me and I almost fell twice. I talked to management and they said they would look into it.

 

Why can’t people follow the rules? Why do they think they are special? Then to pretty much laugh me off. It upsets me because I struggle to walk anyways and on top of ice is worse.

 

It seems that a lot of people don’t follow the rules. Children killed near me because someone didn’t pay attention to the school bus arm and was on their phone instead. People killing others. People killing school kids.

Using illegal drugs. Buying guns underground. Stealing, cheating. I could go on and on. Why do these people do these things? It’s so frustrating to me. I’m not perfect by far but I try to follow the rules.

 

This world is suffering. Our government is throwing tantrums. This is a great way to kick off 2019, don’t you think?

 

masks-we-wear-image

 

 

The Familiar Place


Last evening it was quiet. I did some of the things I wanted to get working on and then I went downstairs. The poem I just wrote is about what I thought and saw.

 

THE FAMILIAR PLACE

The Christmas lights glowed

Reflected on her tears

I felt the storm

Of thundering memories.

 

We aren’t really that close

I didn’t know what to say

I looked around for others

Not a shadow of a face.

 

I felt the tug in my heart

Requesting me to stay

I pulled my walker close

Locked my brakes and sat down.

 

Words flowed easily

From my mouth

I explained I felt her feelings

As I was living mine.

 

We shared so easily

Memories of our families

The empty seats at dinner

The place we live in now.

 

We spent about an hour

Like friends for ever more

We ended with some laughter

We then both went our own ways.

 

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

 

christmas

Merry Freakin Christmas!!!!


Tis the Christmas season. Time to be stressed, underpaid, overworked and the biggest, pretend smile ever right? Nah, some really do enjoy that push and shove time of year. The time the gift you are holding and thinking to yourself, “Will they like this?”, and the lady behind you yanks it right out of your hand.

The time of year that you definitely have that grocery list of the most needed items and you find that the prices have doubled since last week. Makes you want to let the cart remain right there in the middle of the aisle and let people go around it if they want to shop. You are definitely leaving without the filled list and going to the neighborhood bar.

Remember that Christmas a few years back when you worked the hardest ever on that special candy recipe. You only had a few more degrees to raise the candy thermometer to when suddenly the front doorbell rang? You looked at the boiling candy. You thought how rude it would be to not answer the door, especially when every, stinking light was on in the house. You decide to answer it and gently and politely tell the person that you can’t chat; to come back at another time. You aren’t interested in any sales pitch.

You hurry to the door, brushing the hairs away from your face. You open it and to your surprise it is the members from your church that you have attended for over twenty years. They start singing Christmas carols. Oh my gosh! My candy! My friends. You put on that fake smile and you prop one leg on the other as if you have to pee real bad. When they are finished; you return to that black boiled, stuck on pan of candy.

Hey! Wait a darn, picking minute! It’s your life too, right? You can make decisions at this time of year also, right? Just do what I do. Don’t open the door. Turn the lights on low. Only cook after everyone is in bed. Turn your favorite Christmas music on. Grab a cup of hot chocolate. Prop your feet up. Breathe deep and smile. Hug the night.

Merry Christmas my friends!

 

Left Behind


It isn’t what we are doing today that makes us or breaks us. It is, however, some of our past decisions that molds us today.

Ever make a decision and it turned out to not be a good one and now we have to live with it for the rest of our lives? It happens; I’m sure.

Maybe we did and we don’t even think about it today. Perhaps we only think about that moment when we are reminded of something that connects back to that time.

What if the decision we made was done with the awareness we knew what we were doing? How do people go forward every day having to relive and relive that second?

I’m actually not talking about you and me. I am referring to those left behind. What do I mean by that? I am referring to those who can’t speak for themselves due to an illness.

Neglect is a huge, huge problem today. There is neglect due to ignorance. There is neglect due to greed for money. There is neglect due to just plain not wanting to take the time out of our own lives for someone else.

Nursing homes hold many patients that feel they are neglected. Families don’t visit. Sometimes a minister walks in the room for a few moments.

We see homeless on our streets. I used to never see that in my town; but I do now. It is sad. Sometimes I reach in my purse and help financially. Other times I just take the time to lend an ear or offer a safe haven place to go.

There are more patients remaining in their homes today than ever; for various reasons. Who’s responsibility does it fall back on to make sure that life is being cared for at least at the standard caring level?

Is the person being fed, bathed?  Are all measures of comfort being attended to? Are doctors involved?

It used to be when I moved into a new area, a neighbor or two came to visit and bring a small treat and a large welcome. You don’t see that very often today. People are more private than ever.

Maybe with all the pointed fingers, this could be one reason people stay to themselves. It really doesn’t matter what the reason is. We are living among these homes, our neighbors. We see things that are routine.

Do me and yourself a big, big favor. When you have seen so and so every day and you find yourself thinking, I haven’t seen them lately, go knock on the door. Don’t be a private investigator or cop, just say, “Hi, I was thinking about you and so decided to come over and say hello.”

How hard is that? Let someone know you are around and you are thinking about them. If your sixth sense is getting in an uproar, maybe you can get yourself an invitation to go inside the door. You will know in a few moments whether things seem to be alright or not.

Anyways, these are my thoughts for today. Decisions, good or bad and neglect happen every day and it happens right in our own back yard. Feel good about yourself, say hello.

 

heron 3

 

Almost in Tears


Today is not a day full of pain. Today is a day filled with almost tears. It sounds stupid and crazy right? I don’t blame you for thinking that. Sometimes I just don’t understand myself.

My parents have been gone for years. My brother has been gone for four years. Knowing this is fact, then why do I still have my sad days.  Last night I had different dreams that I remember well.

I dreamed of family and laughter and getting together to share a meal. I know that my children are grown. I know that my life is blessed with friends who care and love me. Yet, here I am, feeling in almost tears.

I was feeling this way when I read one of my blogging and personal friends blog. It touched me because I knew I wanted to be more like her than who I am this day. I am glad I read it. I gained some emotional power to deal with today.

Do you want to meet her? Awesome! Here is her link.

https://babyjill7.wordpress.com/2018/08/24/a-new-journey/#comment-10713

 

Today is a new day

Filled with promise

Memories of yesterday

My job is to give

To be my best

To show others

I care

That I am there for them

Yes, today represents;

New opportunities.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

 

terry

The Face in Reflection


One of the worst things I hate about where I live is the constant signs of death coming. When I lived outside of this retirement center; I lived for life, for being happy, for being able to move the knowledge of getting older aside.

 

There are over eighty apartments where I live. There is no way, unless I was blind, that I don’t see aging here. There are wheelchairs, walkers, canes, limps, falls, slow movement, sitting, gray hair, wrinkles.

 

Get the picture? You can’t escape this scenario and you can’t forget the fact, we are aging. What makes it even more concrete is when you hear the EMS and sirens. I know, someone has fallen or worse; died.

 

In the past week here; two have passed on to  heaven. Once again it is pounded in my brain; I will die too, but not today, hopefully.

 

I was sitting out back on the bench, waiting to take a photo perfect for this story, I knew I would write. The trash disposal dumpsters are out in this area. I looked at it and saw many pieces of furniture. There were miscellaneous items of household goods too.

 

Someone came out and I asked if there was another case of bed bugs and the furniture had to be thrown away. The reply was,” No, that belonged to the lady who just passed.” My heart instantly sank.

 

You see, living here, I know most of the people. We chat and eat dinners together. We share our feelings. I have helped her with medical issues in the past; so there was a connection.

 

On the other side of the coin, there are the rules of this building. If someone passes away, the family of the deceased may have rent to pay, according to how long the deceased’s belongings are in the apartment. The family has two weeks to get rid of all belongings of their loved ones and if it runs into the next month where rent would be due, the family has to pay for that.

 

On the emotional side; it killed me to see her belongings out in the trash. It killed me harder to realize my friend had only passed away twenty-four hours prior. Oh, I know the rules but Lord, to get rid of her things so quick made me feel like I am to pretend she was not here.

 

It is the way it is, I guess. It made me wonder what will happen if I don’t get the opportunity to move out of here, what will and how quickly will my belongings, the things I cherish the most, will be gone from where I lived and breathed.

 

Well, the photo I was waiting to capture for this story or post came in my view. A lady who lives here walked out the back door and down the ally. I captured her and when I looked at the finished photo; I saw my face in the reflection.

 

wordpressstory

You got this!!!


Are we unique in this world? Absolutely we are! God made no one exactly like another.
 
Are your problems bigger than mine? In your eyes; perhaps. Is your body sicker than mine? Maybe, maybe not.
 
We live within our circle. We see other’s issues, but we deal with ours more than anyone else. So what can we do about it?
 
Plenty!!! Be thankful you are where you are at right this moment. Why? Easy! You could be dead. You could be worse off.
 
Whether you believe in God or not; you are here for a reason and I believe when each of us wakes up each morning, the first thought should be thank-you.
 
Can’t walk anymore? Be thankful you can sit up in a wheelchair.
Having too much pain? At least you can feel it.
Are you living alone? At least you are living.
 
I’m just saying life could be so much worse. The best thing to do aside from my upper suggestions is; reach out and help someone else.
 
Send a text.
Make a call
Tell someone you are thinking of them
Tell someone you love them
Take a hot meal to your neighbor
Pick a flower for the lonely one
Take used clothing to the nursing homes
Smile to someone
Shake a hand; sincerely
Look around at your surrounds; find something to smile about
jump