I Had to Smile


I wrote yesterday about my chaotic week. Full of hurt and loss from loved ones. After repeating to myself over and over, See through your eyes Lord, Hear through your ears, Love through your heart; I am more calm this morning.

I can not control how I am feeling in my heart from people’s actions but I can control how I let it affect me. There is nothing worse than being un-friended by a loved one or knowing there is an issue but the other person won’t allow you to know what it is.

What can I do about it? Pray, give it to God, let him deal with it. He knows how to fix things. The other thing I do when I get to bombarded by the “stuff” in this world is look for something that makes just me  happy, and this is what I did.

I went to my favorite second-hand store. I looked at everything, knowing I had a budget I had to stick to. I saw this piece that I had been wanting for about a month. Every time I went inside this store, there it sat.

Yesterday, I decided; this would make me smile. This would make me feel good every time I went into my bathroom, which is where I placed my new piece. Here is a photo of it and yes, I am still smiling over it.

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It is about four foot tall. It is slender which fits my bathroom perfect. I filled it with toilet paper and soaps. I love it. Of course I love old things. What do you think? Do you like it? Do you ever buy yourself treats when life gets you down? Does it help when you do?

Lost


Sometimes I write to show you something and sometimes I write for my own healing. Today is the latter reason; for my own healing.

I used to be so bubbly. I was always ready to go somewhere and laugh tons and enjoy the day. I don’t know what has happened to me.

If I am in a crowd of people; I want to be home sooner than later. I used to sit and listen to people talk and tell their stories but anymore I have learned these stories cause some pain because of plain, old gossip.

I used to jump up and eat and get dressed and put the make-up on; not anymore. I do feel awesome when I first wake up. I feel little pain. I give my thanks to God for this day. I would rather now take my time and I discovered this past few months, that not long after I am awake; I could go back to sleep if time allowed.

I don’t cry. I haven’t cried since my brother passed almost five years ago. I think between losing him and my dad; I just cried all my tears until they are permanently dried up.

I volunteer each week. I love it but I find myself almost wishing I didn’t have to get up and go. Once I am on my way; I am good to go.

People get on my nerves so much anymore and that used to never happen. I was always a people person.

I have a few excuses as to why this change has happened. Winter? It’s always a long winter  here in Northern Indiana. Shorter days of light? Maybe. The place I live in? Perhaps. I was told by the manager at the time I applied that this building was really hopping.

All sorts of activities to attend, friendly people. This has not proved to be the case as now living here for two years, what I mainly see is a variety of people. Senior Citizens live here. Disabled adults live here. Mentally challenged people live here.

This leads to a variety of things to see on a daily basis. In fact, I just saw a post taped to an escape door on my floor. “If we see such and such, please don’t let  him in.” This  happens so much here.

There are illegal activities here almost daily. Maybe this is another reason I  hibernate in my room. I posted this topic before and had a reference made back to  me that this is happening everywhere. If it truly is then this is a sad state of world we live in.

Maybe I am just plain living in the fifties. I shouldn’t be of course. I was born in the fifties. Maybe I should take that back and say sixties. I would just love to live in an area that is safe, an area that doesn’t reach below freezing for most of the winter.

I think about moving farther down in Indiana and then I instantly think of my kids. Nope, can’t do it. I tried it different times in earlier years and always came back home. I am telling you though; this weather, this cold and frigid weather hurts my body and mind and spirit.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore. I just know, that I don’t have that bright spirit. I could sleep and hibernate for days upon in and yet I don’t like this at all.

Well, I don’t know if you can relate. I don’t even know if I helped heal myself. I just know I need a change. Lord help me figure this out.

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Are You Ready Too?


It’s been a moving forward but slow last week. I pulled a muscle in my lower back. I don’t even know when I did it. Years ago when my daughter was born, which was in Germany, the doctors used the Spinal block for their drug of choice to deliver a baby.

Today, forty some years later, I can’t stand to have that spot touched. I’m sure Mr. Arthur has been settling in for a long-term relationship with me. I babied my back. I used OTC medications and my rice bag. I laid in bed quite a bit.

Yesterday, was the first day I could actually go through my day with only ten percent pain. It feels good to be back to my usual self. I am hoping that this week I will also receive a phone call stating my shoes will be ready to pick up.

With my Ataxia, it is  hard to stand steady and I will try anything that may help my feet. I hate that feeling that I am going to fall or the weeble wobble that my body does.

This week I will return to my volunteer job and there are doctor appointments and government meetings. I pray all will result in positive news.

The skies are something I wish I could change. The gray and brown colors are mainly what I see daily. Spring is coming though for us here in Indiana. Robins and Geese have been seen and these are good signs. Did  you know that Robins will not arrive back here in the mid west unless they are sure they won’t have to go a day without food? They are very smart birds.

I am so looking forward to greener grass, the smell of fresh air, the birds singing and watching the first flowers pop-up above grass levels. What about you? Are you ready for Spring?spring-season

It Has Come the Time to Get Going


Wow, did we here in Indiana have some crappy weather this past week. We made new records for cold. Today, finally, the temps are above zero. I went out and cleared the knee-high snow from my car and started it. It felt almost like Spring.

 

Life has thrown me some curve-balls of news in the month of January. I, for one, am so thankful January is over. February will be better, even the groundhog did not see his shadow. Monday we are to be almost fifty.

 

I have been thinking about this winter and how it is time to do something. I have lived in my little part of the world two years. I want to go somewhere for a couple of days. I can’t afford too many people because of running into me and knocking me down. Hey, I can’t help it. I fall easily. I also don’t want lots of noise on top of noise. I want relax.

 

I love that word. Relax goes with calm, smile, breathing slow and easy, little stress. Isn’t it a lovely word? Without much money, what can a gal do with my thoughts? Any suggestions? Oh, by the way, in case you wonder, I live in Indiana.

 

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Be Thankful for Today


Even the dog doesn’t want to go out to do his business. Instead he prances at the door and then runs the other way when I turn the door handle.

Yes, this is that sort of day. I’m not going out. It is too darn cold.

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See? I told you it was cold today! Yesterday, I decided to go outside and start my old clunker before this cold set in today. I did get it started. It was a slow start, but turned over. The snow was completely frozen. It was so bitter cold, that I only managed to scrape the windows and one side door. I just couldn’t take standing out in the wind.

Last night, my ear started hurting and today, I am doctoring it myself. I get earaches easily and thought I had my ears covered well, but maybe not. If it doesn’t get better by Friday, I will seek medical help.

I wouldn’t be able to get to the doctor today anyways. I am not chancing getting out. These are the days that it seems babies are born and unusual injuries happen.  I remember the Blizzard of 77 here in my town. A snowmobile had to bring me diapers for my son. I had run  out, so yes, today I am staying in.

I have been inside for this entire week for the most part. It is a time we can let ourselves become droopy if we let feelings get out of control. I can remember when school was dismissed at times when it was not scheduled. I was thrilled. I loved having my kids home. We just went with the flow kind of day. Today, it is just me. I tend to sleep more and remain in my P.J.’s more.

I used to feel bad about not jumping out of bed and guilty if I didn’t get dressed right away, but who really cares, but us, what we do inside our home on a frigid day. I can say that although m living area is not the ideal living situation for Senior Citizens; I am very thankful for the roof over my head today.

Cities surrounding me and my own town  have set-up facilities for the homeless because of the cold. It is so  hard for me to say or type the word homeless. We shouldn’t have this in our town. Warsaw is supposed to be the biggest Orthopedic Capital of the world, but as you can understand from my post, not everyone works at these companies.

The temperatures will be very close tomorrow as they are today. Friday we are supposed to rise to fifteen degrees. Hey! It’s above freezing! Monday we are supposed to climb to the upper forties.

I will finally be able to go back to my volunteer job plus I have an appointment with a medical place to get special shoes made for my feet. Hopefully this will help me.

So where ever you live, what ever the temperatures, no matter how long you have been trapped inside, remember, it could be worse. Be thankful for today. Tomorrow is not promised.

A Tease of Snow


Today is the tease before the storm here in Warsaw, Indiana. This weekend we are supposed to get 3-6 inches plus. This is what the weather on the news is posting. I had an opportunity to be a passenger and go to a doctor’s office in another city with a friend of mine.

I had my phone camera so took some photos so you could see our tease of snow.

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And How is Your Wednesday?


Hello my friends. Wow, you should have seen me this morning. I drove with both hands on the proper position of the steering wheel. I probably drove right at the correct speed limit. Why did I do this? It was the first, actual day of winter weather I drove in for 2019.

 

I have a much smaller car and my fear has grown each year of driving in the snow. I am sure I could have made a great poster child for driving “Winter 2019.” Not only was it causing me to be more cautious, I was forced to turn around at a certain area because of road repair. I had to go all the way around to get to my destination and I also got stuck by a train going through. Thank goodness my patient was graded an A+ today.

 

It is cold out too. Lately we have seen more Fall like temperatures but today the high is supposed to be 25 degrees here in Northern Indiana. We really don’t have much snow to talk about. I can see the grass peeking through the snow. Many have been upset by the lack of snow.

 

I live in an area where there are many lakes. Winter activities have been placed on hold while waiting for the white stuff to fall. I haven’t minded at all. I don’t like cold and I don’t like driving in snow either. I have to admit though, while sitting at my living room window and watching it snow; it was pretty.

 

I don’t have a lot on my plate for today. I have some meat cooking in my crock pot for supper. I cleaned yesterday and have no great energy for cleaning today. I am just enjoying my afternoon now and ready for what the evening brings.

 

I’m going to go to another subject now. Sweating, I know, it sounds gross doesn’t it. I remember back when my brother was still here with me. He had MSA and it caused him heavy, no not heavy, I would say profuse sweating. For about three months now; I am so over-heated almost daily.

 

I think I even mentioned last week that I still have my air-conditioner on. Last night was the worst night yet. I woke-up at 1 a.m. I was sweating so bad, I was soaked all over. I jumped up out of bed and thought to myself; this must be my sugars. My numbers must be low. I checked it and it was fine. I can’t help but wonder if I am going to have some of my brother’s sweating issues. I go to the primary doctor next week and I will bring it up.

 

My brother had a neurological disease and I have one similar to it; so I can’t help but wonder what is going on. I’m also going to see if Medicare will pay for me some diabetic shoes. Last year they would not after having covered them for years. I was told that because of cut backs, my feet had to be deformed. I am really struggling this year with my feet. I don’t have the pads on the bottom of my feet due to Diabetic Neuropathy. My feet feel like they are walking on cement floors. They hurt, so I’m going to ask again. I hope they can help this year.

 

How is your day going my friend?

 

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The Long Month of January


Hello my friends. Well the holidays are over. No more stuffing ourselves with Thanksgiving. The change purse is dry from Christmas and now we here in the northern part of Indiana wait.

 

What are we waiting for? Well, some are waiting for the usual snow we have plenty of by now; but it  hasn’t arrived. I’m sorry, but for me, less is more. Now that I am older, snow is my enemy unless I’m sitting inside and watching the flakes fall.

 

There are lots of comments being made. No snow in December or January is a promise of over-load in February and March. I don’t know the future. I will have to deal with what is given me; but for now; I am fine.

 

January is the longest month of the year for me. It always has been. Maybe it is because it is long and boring. No real holidays in it. The back to the normal groove thing returns and the days tick down until a lot of people get their tax refunds. At this point of the government shutdown, who knows when those tax returns will happen.

 

I saw a post on my Facebook a bit ago which stated,”Count the Mondays.” I got it immediately. I suppose if you live in the southern part of the country,  you may not understand but up here, if you can count the Mondays in the long month of January, it will promise to get you closer to Spring.

 

February is a time when I will be thinking more of Spring. The farmer commercials will be posting on the television. This is a good sign that Spring is coming. I will be starting to watch for the Robins to reappear. When they arrive, it means that there will not be so much snow that they won’t be able to find food and shelter and Spring is near.

 

Animals say a lot about your weather. Have you ever watched the squirrels gather nuts for winter? On bad winters, you will still see the squirrels in early December, storing nuts. The Catapillars, the ones who crawl so slow and have beautiful colors, these creatures turn a dark black if our winter here in Indiana is going to be a vicious one.

 

As for me, I have been fighting something for four days now. I don’t have a temperature or aches and pains, but instead, I am nauseated anytime I eat. This circle includes a trip to the Ladies room no matter how little or much food I put into my mouth. I have lost four pounds in four days. I am glad I am experiencing this during our winter months.

 

I don’t get out much in the winter time. It’s too cold. Aged skin cracks and burns. Eyes sting, and the thoughts of playing in the snow are exchanged for will my walker get through the snow and ice. Here where I live, that is doubtful. There is not sufficient cleaning in the parking lot so there are many grooves of ice. I just don’t want to fall down at this point in my life. I do go out if it isn’t too cold or snowing and go to my volunteer job. I try to go twice a week during the winter and I will go at least three times per week or more in the warmer weather.

 

I didn’t go to church today. This matter of my stomach is just a little too much to deal with during a church service. I do have one thing to look forward to in the month of January, 2019. My daughter is coming for a visit. It’s been quite a while since I have seen her and am looking forward to a visit.

 

Another thing I am looking forward to is; my insurance is covering the expenses for me to have Life Alert for my falls. It will bring me comfort knowing I am now not alone here in the apartment, or too far away from a pull light, or definitely when I am taking a shower. It will be worn on my wrist and if I fall it triggers the alarm company. If I don’t answer the second chime, this tells the company that I am not alert. I believe from what the company said, is that I will receive my wrist band and plug in box in five to ten days.

I know this is not a big deal to most but for someone as unsteady as me and who lives alone; this can be a real life savor.

What about you? How do you get through the long month of January?

 

And it Has Arrived; New Year’s Eve


Like snow in your winter days? Then don’t come visit Indiana. We have nothing but above normal temps and rain. It can be a gloomy time or you can huddle in your favorite P.J.s and watch a movie, write on your blog or play on FB, like I am.

 

I met-up with my girlfriend this morning and we shared breakfast and chat. I love the time we spend together and when I am driving home I think; where did that time go? No matter how often we see each other, we have never ran out of topics to talk about.

 

Now back at home, I did a load of laundry and changed the sheets on the bed. The apartment looks pretty good from the vigorous cleaning I had been giving it the past two days. For today, New Year’s eve, it is my day to do as I wish.

 

I don’t know of any scheduled events in the community room for tonight but I don’t care. If I feel like going downstairs this evening, I will grab something to eat and take it down. Hopefully, someone will be down there.

 

There is such hype and money spent on this holiday but the key word is “couples.” Very few living in my building have a significant other, so there won’t be that big partying going on here. Besides, I have sort of outgrown? that party urge to stay up until midnight to watch a glitter ball drop from the sky. I would rather be in my “comfy” clothes and crawl under my covers when I am ready.

 

I prepared a meatloaf yesterday. Today I will bake it along with a potato. Served with my favorite, green beans, this will be my New Year’s eve dinner. This means meatloaf leftovers for a few days and no big-time cooking for me. Yeah!

 

What are your plans for this evening?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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