What Would you Do?

How do you react and what do you do when you run into someone who used to be considered your best friend? What about a relative that you were close to and then when life changes your circumstances; the relative changes their personality towards you? Has this ever happened to you?

 

It has to me. I have never been so  hurt, emotionally, as when my father passed a way and my family turned their backs on me. It wasn’t something that I did to change their views. It was my father’s choices in his will. You know the words, I leave this to this person and that to that person.

 

I don’t know what my dad was thinking because I have not been close to dying yet and therefore I could not begin to read his mind in those final months. He knew though and he knew the feelings he was carrying.

 

Choices he had picked in previous years suddenly seemed to take a different direction; the closer to death’s door he became. He obviously had discussed us kids to different family members when his life was full of living.

 

I also don’t believe that people who are close to dying and want to make their final decisions go a different route, exactly discuss such personal issues with others. I believe this is exactly what happened in my father’s case. He changed his mind.

My father passed away, December 1st, 2017.

It took a year and a half to settle everything and from that date on; life changed. It has never gone back. There is no family to talk to anymore.

 

I’m not whining so don’t feel sorry for me. I didn’t make those choices. Others made their own decisions to stay a way from me. It hurts when I think about it so I don’t try to think about it too often. A tear appears as I write this today; but I will get through it. I always do.

 

My point is; the way we treat people. I have been talking about this on my own Facebook page for a couple of days, so this is the end of the topic. The thinking I want you to take away from this is; is it worth it? Is it really worth it to turn your back on an old friend or a family member?

 

I bet you think I will say it’s right or wrong. I can’t say that because I don’t know how I would feel if suddenly someone from my past wanted to talk to me today. I guess my first thought would be; What do they want?

 

I guess I would be suspicious, let a little hopeful for a re-uniting? I don’t know. For me, for these past several years, silence is better. Less hurt, less tears, less remembering, less pain.

 

So, what would you do if you ran into that old friend or that relative you haven’t spoken to for years?

MSA/ Parkinson’s/ My Brother/ Family

Who knew that my brother Al’s illness would make such a huge impact; his death. I have my MSA page, which hopefully allows patients and caregivers to come find a smile or maybe get a question answered, or just feel comfort in being in surroundings of those who understand.

I teach Hospices or people about MSA as well as I can. I try my best to be there for others, plus it lifts my own spirits in my days of not feeling well.

Last week, I was approached by a Doctor who wanted to see if I would show interest in a genetic study.

Dr. Vikram Khuran is the name of the doctor. He had been reading my post on Facebook about the possibility of MSA (Multiple System Atrophy) and Parkinson’s being genetic. There is already great concern for these neurological diseases being environmental.

I had stated that I am the fifth person right down the line to have Parkinson’s. There is also suspicion from my neurologist that I may have MSA/C. My father had Leukemia and Parkinson’s. His mother and her sister had Parkinson’s. My brother had MSA/ P.

This is all pretty coincidental, I would say, so I posted to see if anyone else may have these similarities. Well the good doctor took it one step further and asked me if I could venture any interest in others and myself participating in a genetic study or perhaps testing, or maybe both? Do you know someone who lived around electrical towers, lived near crops that were sprayed with chemicals, ever had water issues? Are there more than one in your entire and extended family with a neurological disease? If so, please think about emailing the doctor, expressing interest in this study.

I heard this evening from the doctor that there is much interest. I had made another post informing patients of the doctor’s wishes, and patients are responding in a very positive way. I am just thrilled to pieces.

What if this is the answer? What if this turns out to be a very important key or even better breaks that secret bank of what causes these diseases? Oh, how my mind races and I thank God for allowing me to be my brother’s sister, caregiver, and a huge part of MSA.

I promised you Al, I wouldn’t give up. I promised you I would help find or be a part of a bigger project to beat this beast( as you called it). I can’t admit my heart still doesn’t ache for you. I have to say, I think of you every single day; but maybe, just maybe, Alvin Miller, there is going to be a  positive out of this negative disease.

Below is a photo of Dr. Vikram Khuran.

Here is a link to speak a little about him.

Neurologist Vikram Khurana brings a new perspective to Parkinson’s disease research

 

 

WE ARE FAMILY

We are family
Brothers and sisters you see
MSA is the link
That almost put us on the brink
It brought us all together
To ward us from this weather
We shall connect in soul and heart
Nothing will ever tear us apart.

Written by,
Terry Shepherd

https://www.facebook.com/terry.shepherd1

 

If you or someone you know may be interested in participating in this genetic study; the doctor would like you to email him at; vkhurana@partners.org.

 

 

 

Happy Father’s Day Daddy

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.

I miss you and love you daddy. Smile down on me. I hope mom and Al are standing right beside you.

http://youtu.be/nOAjAWToYMI

The Two Dollar Christmas Gift

I was commenting on a dear friend’s post tonight and suddenly a few happy tears fell. Remembering Christmas‘s long ago when children squealed with delight. Hands clapping wildly and smiles from ear to ear.

We learned about baby Jesus in Sunday School but if I am honest, it was more exciting to wake up on Christmas morning. Mom and Dad were the best Mr. and Mrs. Santa Clause all around. We didn’t get hoards of gifts but what we got is exactly what we told Santa we wanted.

Each Christmas was like that until the year I got married. When Christmas morning came there was no one to celebrate it with first thing in the morning. Although I had my husband, it was different.

I still could not wait to go to Mom and Dad’s on Christmas Eve. Every year it remained the same at my parents. Christmas Eve was an unspoken saved time where we knew we were going there for dinner, treats, and gifts.

Spending the time with my entire family back in those days was a true joy. What a gift it would be today if I could have a peek and relive just one of those wonderful years. Both of my parents are deceased. My half-sister has pretty much disowned me. So it is definitely not the same now, but I do celebrate with my children and grandchildren.

New traditions to try out and add to many years to come. New memories are added but deep, deep within my heart is that little void and those silent tears for what once was.

My Dad had a little thing he would do for us three kids every year. He would wait until all the gifts were opened and then he would rise from his chair look at me and smile and slowly walk a way going to  his bedroom.

When he returned he would have three brown paper lunch bag sacks. In each sack was a giant Hershey chocolate candy bar and a two liter bottle of coke. He would grin from ear to ear as he handed it to me.

My dad got a big kick out of Christmas. Of the entire year, this was the only time he truly enjoyed shopping. He didn’t care or he didn’t voice it what he got in return. I remember I used to buy him long john underwear a lot. Dad worked for the County Highway. He drove a truck and during the winter plowing, sometimes he would get stuck outside more than inside the truck.

But for me, I will be thinking this year about Christmas. It will only be Al and me sitting here, but my thoughts will be looking up to heaven and seeing Dad smiling down at me holding that brown paper lunch bag sack. He will be handing me my chocolate bar and coke. But this time I will not just say thank-you Daddy. I will jump up and wrap my arms around him so tight and squeeze him crying out how much I miss him and how much I still love him.

My Daddy, my hero of my world died six years ago Dec.1. I love you Daddy. I can’t wait to see you again. We will share that candy bar and that big coke. Hugs, your daughter, Terry.

This is my Daddy when I was caring for him while he was dying from Leukemia and Myaloma. I am the blonde next to him with my head tilted.