Those Three Little Words

I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I am a big dreamer now a days. Usually they are nightmares but last night it was an eye opener. Do you ever have those dead stop eye opening moments? I don’t know if it’s good or not but I have not had them and now that I have had one; it has changed my view and thoughts forever more.

 

It happened so smoothly, it inched its way into my brain so softly that I didn’t even feel it happening. One sentence stated at an earlier moment and now as I lay my head down to sleep for the night, comes to me, opens the window to the mind, and sits staring me right in the face.

 

There is no denying, no place to run, no more excuses. I have to accept. So this is what I dreamed of all night and it woke me several times. This morning I feel almost like a friend who has lost their best friend. I see you but I don’t know you.

 

I know all there is or I thought I did and now I look at you through a clean window and I see no streaks. The truth shines through and now I must relax within and quit all the foolish ideas that up until now I thought would always work if only I worked hard enough to make it happen.

 

It almost feels like the burden of guilt of over trying has been a weight lifted from my small shoulders. I can brush off the dead leaves and bare branches. I can smile and not feel guilt for not sharing in your thoughts. I can feel relief as I know where you and I truly stand in our small corner of the world.

 

I can flake off the responsibility of believing it is I who has to fix things that happen in life. This is not for me to do or decide. My whole being has but one thing I must still continue to do. I will continue to pray. Pray that God helps light the path you walk on and shows you that there is a better way to find what all seek in this world.  For me, I want to say thank-you God. I will now pick myself up and search for those three little words in life called; Live, love, laugh.

 

Daily Post/ One Word Prompt

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/doppelganger/

The word for today; Doppelganger

an apparition or double of a living person.

“he has a doppelgänger named Donald, his invented twin brother”

 

“It’s going to be alright Susan. I won’t let anything happen to you.” These were the words the little girl heard as she hid in the back of the closet; rubbing her legs and bottom.

Susan was being abused physically by her older brother. She didn’t know why he did this. All she knew was it hurt real bad. If she tried to fight what he was wanting to do to her; she got hit by a belt on her legs. This was why she was rubbing her legs.

Her imaginary twin placed her arms around Susan. She stroked her hair and rubbed her back. She gave Susan her favorite stuffed animal; her cat and the two petted it together.

Brother did terrible things to her. He smacked her bottom. He put his fingers in a place that made her cry from pain. He placed the fear of God in her by telling her, that if she ever told mom and dad; he would hurt her even worse.

Her twin saw her tears and wiped them away, promising to find a way for all of this to stop.

It was the last time that it happened. Brother was getting ready to hit her on the legs when suddenly a gun was pulled out and brother fell to the floor. Susan couldn’t move, but with the help of her twin; the two ran to her bedroom.

A bag was waiting for her to be picked up. Putting it in her hand, she ran out of her room and out the back door. She never went back.

It was 13 years later that the words appeared on the front headlines of the newspaper. Woman is released from a local institution. 

After many trying months and years of trying to get this woman to speak; it never happened. The case had been tried. There was never a a pronounced verdict of guilty. The jury’s statement was; There just isn’t any proof.

Susan eventually went back to the old house where she grew up. Her parents were both deceased. The house stood empty. She turned the door handle and it opened. She walked to the closet where she hid many times. It was empty. There wasn’t a trace of anyone or anything ever having been there.

Speak; Let it Out

What are some thoughts that go through your head when your feelings are hurt? I know for me, sometimes I get hurt for the wrong reason. I am saying; my emotions come first and then intelligent reasoning comes second.

I felt that way yesterday. A very special person in my life  hadn’t contacted me for sometime. Hurt built  up in me for days and weeks. I think this is one of the biggest problems I deal with daily.

Fear of saying something, making someone else upset, losing contact for a while, or losing period that friendship. The better way for me to handle it; is to be brave and speak up in a  non-defending way.

What I should do is contact the person immediately. Express my concerns, listen to the response, and then, hopefully, all will be dissolved.

What is my reason for holding back? I wish I knew. I can look back on my childhood and see one thing that stands out strong. I was a people pleaser. I was a child of two moms and one dad. In my small mind, I wanted to be accepted and loved. I outdid myself in so many situations to get praise.

What I don’t understand is the reason I must have felt and still do today is that people will leave or friendships will dissipate. Now why does that frighten me? I sometimes wonder if my real mom  leaving my childhood was a part of it.

As an adult, I see and understand, she did me a favor by leaving my young life.  Is that enough to carry this big bag of garbage throughout my life? I don’t know. I just wish I could stand up like I see others do and speak my feelings.

Bring Back What Was Once Mine

The sun goes down. Music is turned from the streets and now plays in your head. Dancing fireflies, wickedly spinning from cell to cell, creating new ideas that could possibly change your mindset.

You feel no pain but the ache in your heart becomes active and the smile you knew through the shining sun; now disappears, entering questions of darkness that no one seems to understand or see the answers.

You remember the exact spot where the big, brown dusty box with the rusty lid rest. You go to it and you stare at it as if you are trying to burn holes in the skin so you don’t actually touch what is inside.

Seeing nothing happening, you touch the brass handle and with two delicate hands, you pry open the lid. You raise it and listen to the squeak of the aged hinges. Being able to lift it no higher, it stands proud, inviting you to revisit what was once alive.

You scan as if you are taking an x-ray until you see the off-white, stained material. You pick it up and gently place it in your hands. You nuzzle it and press it close to your bosom. You walk over to the rickety, wood rocker and sit down.

The rocker moves to the music you are humming.  The words dance happily in your head and you skip back in time remembering what once was yours. The hour passed and it was almost too dark to see to return back to the reality of today. She gently lay her friend back in the spot she had retrieved it. She quietly lowered the lid and made her way back to the chair by the window.

Kray

Twin brothers Ronald “Ronnie” Kray (24 October 1933 – 17 March 1995) and Reginald “Reggie” Kray (24 October 1933 – 1 October 2000) were English gangsters who were the foremost perpetrators of organized crime in the East End of London during the 1950s and 1960s. With their gang, the Firm, the Krays were involved in armed robberies, arson, protection rackets, assaults, and the murders of Jack “the Hat” McVitie and George Cornell.

As West End nightclub owners, they mixed with politicians and prominent entertainers such as Diana Dors, Frank Sinatra, and Judy Garland. The Krays were much feared within their milieu; in the 1960s, they became celebrities, even being photographed by David Bailey and interviewed on television.

They were arrested on 9 May 1968 and convicted in 1969, by the efforts of detectives led by Detective Superintendent Leonard “Nipper” Read. Both were sentenced to life imprisonment. Ronnie remained in Broadmoor Hospital until his death on 17 March 1995; Reggie was released from prison on compassionate grounds in August 2000, eight weeks before his death from cancer.

Reggie (left) and Ronnie Kray
Born	24 October 1933 Hoxton, London, England
Died	Ronnie: 17 March 1995 (aged 61) Wexham, Buckinghamshire, England Reggie: 1 October 2000 (aged 66) Norwich, Norfolk, England
Cause of death	Heart attack (Ronnie) Cancer (Reggie)
Other names	Ronnie & Reggie
Occupation	Club owners, gangsters
Criminal status	Both deceased
Spouse(s)	Reggie: Frances Shea (m. 1965; her death 1967) Roberta Jones (m. 1997; his death 2000)[1][2] Ronnie: Elaine Mildener (m. 1985; div. 1989)[3] Kate Howard (m. 1989; div. 1994)[3]

 

As you can see; the word I made up today is real. Kray is the word, and this is what I found. Wow, these two were something else!

 

The Circus Had Moved On

Once upon a time there was a child born. It came in time, and not always due to any particular circumstances, when the lesson learned was; sometimes bad things happen to good people.

The child seemed happy , the experiences grew and teen years seemed a little tipsy at times. Holding onto the balance act really was a juggler’s delight. Packing with a suitcase full of hurtful words, hidden feelings, doubt and misplacement, the teen carried them into the future.

More hurt, more agony, new lessons learned, suddenly took this person and built a slow and very tough metal shield around the soul. It was attached to the outer body like a glue and the only way to release its hold was through the act of release.

As a tight rope walker walks his steps, maybe he says to himself as his legs begin to tremor, release, release, release, move one leg in front of the other. Slowly, with steady gait, the performance has been complete. The actor smiles inside with pride.

The child, teen, the adult made a quick decision to protect himself. The armour became thicker as each imaginary battle was over-taken. To others, there was no awareness of the turmoil for many years, until one day it spews out of the soul and people stop in wonder.

Words become hushed and questions are secretly asked. Many come with prayer and hope that one, small word will be the one to break the shell and watch it come crashing to the floor. Visions of; shouts of joy as another soul is saved from a devastating life, were built on hope.

But alas, it never happened. It was like watching the lions and tigers walk in circles. Loud roars are heard as the whip cracks near them; the trainer waiting for his hard work to be paid in full.

One day the light shone so bright the person was able to see. Floods of memories came washing over the body. Words of sorrow were spoken, tears shook the body. When the body was drained of all emotion, eyes looked around, but sadly no one stood anywhere within reach. Stacks of papers laid neat in a pile spoke of death after death. Falling to the floor, looking to the heavens, pleading for release of the shield; it happened; but no one noticed. The circus had moved on.

 

Coward or Lion

 

 

LION OR COWARD

His inner voice growls

Hair stands on edge

Feet shake and tremor

Intestines empty bowels.

 

Some call him a lion

Others whisper coward

He listens to the voice

He publicly shuns.

 

He has whispered in fear

Voice chokes in his throat

Some turn a way

Others turn and sneer.

 

Then one cloudy day

A volcano spout out

No one still got it

And he turned, walked away.

 

Some call him a lion

Others whisper a coward

He walked away head down

He walked away to his den.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

10/5/2015

THE LION’S DEN

Jamie walked through the forest. A path not taken before brought a surprise in the late afternoon. Leaves piled over a door, hidden from her view, sucked her in and took her on a trip she had never experienced.

Grasping for walls, feet scrambling to stop her in mid-air, she failed and was thrown through  a big, black door. A bump to her head left her laying on cold ground. A soft breeze was sent through her nostrils, waking her to changes she never thought could be possible.

People, who looked like her with different faces stared down at her. False smiles showed dull, once white teeth. At the corners of each pair of lips Jamie was in awe as she noticed shiny gold, that seemed attached to pointed tooth.

She lay there, afraid to move, breathing shallow. It was as if she didn’t want these oddities to realize that she could see and hear them. One or more of these creatures kicked at her ribs. A kick that was more like a nudge, a sign that they wanted her to awake and to intertwine with their lives.

Jamie didn’t want to be like them. She liked herself. She wanted to remain to be the one she had grown up with. She had fought her own devils throughout her life. She had gained experience in dealing with good versus  bad.

Yet, the nudging went on. She was brought to her feet, by familiar and yet rough hands. She was offered a gold-ornament  goblet. When she refused to partake, they pronounced in a firm voice one word; a command that they didn’t like that she was ignoring their orders.

With the help of a younger set of hands, Jamie was forced to sip the contents. She shivered as the icy drink slithered deep into her throat. A cloth was placed upon her lips and wiped off the evidence of what she had drunk.

Hands reached for her and without her being able to  pull back they lead her into their strange customs. Each time she would not obey, she was forced back to the lion’s den to begin once again this new way of living.

Giving up all she was familiar with, she wept silently inside, her soul screaming out to her very own God as to why this was happening. Everyone knew the truth and it was up to her to uncover her own veil and discover the reason for this journey.

Unknown Truth

You shouldn’t touch him. People may point their fingers at you. Your prints will be on him. Quick let’s leave. Let’s just go get the car and get the hell out of here. She looked at him. Fear matched both faces.

The two had been hiking. The sun was hot and above were vultures circling their prey. Water was scarce. Throats were dry. Finding a big enough rock for the two of them to sit down on, they rested.

They were being watched. Sets of eyes upon them. Wanting to be the winner of dinner; they all sat as statues. The two could feel chills running through them. They were aware they were not alone.

Were their lives in danger? Who would save them? Breathing became hushed. A twinkle of light caught their eyes. Getting up they walked towards it. Laying there in the brush was a man.

He hadn’t been dead that long because the birds had not eaten the meat from his bones. A middle-aged man, dressed in shabby hiking clothes. Blood dried on the ground next to the head.

The two looked at each other. Now they realized they were the interruption of the creatures of the wild. They had no way to call for help. They realized they could not carry the body for more than a mile.

They hated leaving him there but there was nothing else that could be done. A helicopter was heard above. Panic took over as it hovered above them. Picking up their gear they fled for their lives.

Voices came over a megaphone. “Stop, stop you two”. The two ran deep into a cave. They needed to think what to do next. The sounds of the chopper came closer. The winds picked up enough to rip wild flowers heads off.

Silence surrounded them. Where were they? Someone must have been looking for that man. The two were innocent, but running was destroying them. An hour went by. No noise could be heard.

The two came cautiously out from the cave. Gun shots fired. Pain seared their bodies. Life fell to the ground. Breathing had stopped.

Remember friends; it is always better to face our problems instead of running from them.

 

I’m a Cop

” She shot me, my God she shot me.” The lights were turned low. The heavy, oak door was closed. The only way of seeing life outside was to be able to get out of bed and go to look through the small, rectangle window of the big door. Drapes were shut; as if to close out what had happened last evening. The only sounds I heard was the beating of my own heart, the air going in and out of my nostrils, and the deep voice that was throwing questions at me faster than my mind could handle.

It had begun about six months back. I worked at a small company. Everyone knew everyone, and this included each others business. She walked in. The gorgeous red-head, with hips that made you want to wrap your hands around. Tall, slender legs that made your mouth water. She was to be my new partner, or was that partner in crime.

Yeah, you guessed it. I am a cop. Nothing really wrong with me I guess. People say I have nice, wavy dark hair, and I have been told I have a nice smile. I have been married for five years to the gal I dated in high school.

Sure, we had our share of fights. No knock-out, drag-out fights. For God’s sake, I am a cop. I have my reputation to consider. Sure, there were times she pissed me off so bad, I wanted to pick-up the first thing I saw and throw it at her; but I’m a cop.

Red, that’s what I nicknamed my partner, we were a good team; except for one area. She was a sex bomb. When she curled those red-painted lips in a smile, you just couldn’t wish that one time you could taste them.

Red was good with a gun and her mind was sharp. Sometimes she could figure out pieces to the puzzle before me. Many times we had to work late together working on a crime.

This is when my wife, Pam, started to have green eyes. She and I would talk it out and I would leave for work thinking we had this all worked out and it would be a conversation laid to rest.

Sometimes she would drop in at work with supper. In the back of my mind I think she was trying to catch me cheating on her. Red would be sitting at my desk , nose buried in papers. When Pam walked in Red flashed her that smile and Pam’s eyes glowed green.

I think Red knew that Pam was jealous too. She began to turn a coy eye towards me. I would smile but turn back to what I was doing. When we sat at the same desk, I could feel silky stocking running up and down my leg.

I finally told her, ” Hey, I know what’s on your mind, but I am a happily married man.”

” That’s what they all say Jared, but I haven’t seen a time where I wanted something and didn’t get it. It just takes time.” I would laugh and give her thumb’s up for her high amount of confidence in herself.

One day while I was sleeping in on my day off I heard the doorbell ring. Pam answered it and within a few blinks she came storming into our bedroom and poured an entire vase of water over me. I jumped up out of bed and screamed, ” What in the hell’s wrong with you woman? I haven’t done anything wrong. Can’t you see I was sleeping?”

She then tossed each of the twelve roses all over the bed and stuck the card between my lips. I spit it out and getting my glasses on I read the card. Thanks for last night. Maybe next time we can finish what we started.

What the hell? Who sent these? I looked at the card again and then recognized the writing. It was Red’s. ” Look honey, I don’t know what the hell is going on and I don’t have any idea why someone would send me roses for God’s sake, I swear.”

“It’s that bitch, the one you work with. The one who flaunts herself every time I stop in. You had sex with her. You are cheating on me with her. Why, I ought to kick the hell out of you right here while you are down.”

” Pam, honey, baby, I swear I have no idea, I haven’t been with her. I made it quite clear that I am happily married to you. I will talk to her, but the card isn’t signed, so we have no proof that she is the one who sent it.”

Pam walked out snorting and slamming doors. I got up and took a shower. After getting dressed, I didn’t want to have to talk anymore so I grabbed breakfast down town. I went straight to the office.I went  to my office and checked for messages. Seeing none I went to Red’s office to see if she was in.

There she sat. Immaculate, smelling so sweet. I am a man, I can’t help but notice, but I am a cop and I have my reputation to consider. ” Mm, Red, we have to talk. I just got splashed by a vase full of flowers and water. Why did you do it Red? After all I told you. I said I am happily married.”

” Flowers? someone sent you flowers? Oh how sweet, a man receiving flowers.” You think it was me?” She batted those thick lashes and got up and went over and shut her office door. Turning towards me she stroked each hip as she walked closer to me.

When she was standing so close to me I could feel her body heat, I placed both of my hands on her shoulders and scooted her back a few inches. ” There is no us. There is no flowers. You have to stop. Go after someone who is available. There are plenty of men to choose from in the world.”

Red pushed out her pouty lips and turned back towards her desk. Pretending the conversation had never happened she went back to her work. I stood there dumbfounded, thinking,” this was too easy.” I said, ” thanks for understanding.” She looked up and nodded and I turned and walked out her door.

I went across the street to the florist and bought one white carnation. I had the sales girl tie a pretty pink bow around the vase and I took it home. When I entered the front door I didn’t see her.  I carried the vase out to the kitchen and sat it where Pam would see it when she walked in.

I had stayed up too late the night before watching the fights on TV. I was exhausted so I went to the bedroom and stripped down and climbed back into bed. I feel like I had just drifted off when a burst of thunder hit me right in the chest.

I sat up looking down at myself. Blood trickling down my skin. I had this feeling of numbness because it hurt so bad. I screamed for Pam. She came in and was smiling like the cat who swallowed the canary. ” I told you, you had been cheating and now I’m showing you I won’t tolerate it.” She then left the room slamming the bedroom door.

I reached over to the bedside table and picked up my cell. Calling 911 I laid back down waiting for them to arrive. My mind was a whirl of thoughts. I just couldn’t believe this was all happening.

The ambulance arrived. They took me to the hospital. The bullet had missed any vital organs. After a night of restless sleep the investigators showed up the next morning. ” Jared, thank God you are all right. Tell me what happened. We questioned your wife and she admitted to teaching you a lesson. I want to get your side of the story.”

I told him all the stupid shit that had been happening and he asked me, ” Do you want to press charges against her?”

” No, I’m a cop. I got my reputation to think of.”