Mistress


She was the Mistress. A married virgin. Lily had ventured a way from home too far. She stumbled upon the beautiful glow and couldn’t resist walking closer. She was hovering around the flickering lights when she blinked and she was standing in the center of the entry way.

Lily beat on the solid oak doors but no one heard her. She cried for hours and screamed but silence laughed back at her. Darkness came and her little tummy was churning. She was yawning  and her little body was exhausted. She was too frightened  to sleep.

She ventured in the surrounding rooms. Very tall ceilings. Wood trim; a welcome sight to most eyes. Deep, dark-red, velvet curtains draped the height of at least three of Lily’s size. Rows and rows of shelves. Books she didn’t understand. When she lifted one from the shelf she left her print where dust had collected.

Stepping out of the library she found the kitchen. There were no signs of food. Cobwebs gently draped over door handles. The sun shining through a tall, slender window allowed Lily to explore closer.

She opened the refrigerator but as she closed it the echos of empty danced for her. Wall to wall built-in hutches, lined with colorful china  with rainbow glass protecting it. Light bouncing from the sun cast tiny fairies to dance on the walls.

Lily went through a few more rooms but it was getting dark outside and she was getting sleepier. She ended up back in the Library. There was a settee and she took her shoes off and took the tiny fringed pillow and rested her head on it.

The thick air and the secrets of the house draped a blanket of sleep over her. While she rested, the heart beat faster from within the walls. The house was not alone anymore. Creaking and stepping, soft turns of door knobs turning. Magic began to fill the house and when Lily awoke the breathing of the house provided heat and light.

She walked until she found the bathroom. Walking in she almost fainted when she looked at herself in the sparkling mirror. She had grown. No longer was she a child, she was a grown woman.

She ran her hands over her breasts and felt the curves of her shapely hips. Touching her hair that hung down to her waist. Her lips taut and her cheeks rosy she was looking at a beautiful woman.

She took a thick cloth and wet it with cool water. Wiping her eyes she looked into the mirror once again. She saw her reflection smiling at her. She no longer had on a play dress. She was dressed in fine linens. Diamonds played gently around her neck. Matching earrings dangled gently from her soft lobes. A huge rock sat upon her third finger.

She left the bathroom and went to the kitchen. When she entered there was one setting at the head of the table. The chair was pulled out. She walked over to it and sat down as if she had done it all before.

A steaming plate was waiting for her approval. Chilled juices and hot coffee in  bone china. She thought how quiet it was and the music played. She picked up her utensils and began to eat. The house smiled, she was home.

 

lady in yellow

castle 2

Fear On The Edge Of Your Seat


Come here my friends. Come closer, sit on the edge of your seats. Be prepared to quiver and shake. Get ready for the ride of your life. This is a true story of what happened here at my home ballooned with effects to give you a better scare. Are you ready? Have you gone to the bathroom already?

Click on the link to get the sound. It will play in the background while you read.

It was a very dark night. No wind was blowing. All was calm. The whole evening had been this way. Something even had changed with Al. The house just had an eerie feeling about it; but nothing I could put my finger on.

The later the evening went the more Al became quiet. He had slept from after supper and at his usual time he didn’t want to get up. I let him sleep some more. The next time I tried to wake him up, he did but he was not himself. He was more like a shell or a skeleton. I said his name a few times with no response. I finally ended up yelling, ” Al, Al, answer me. Can you hear me Al? Who am I?”

skeleton_1He finally looked at me with eyes that sent shivers down my spine. I got a cold chill that ran completely through me as I was looking into empty eyes.

I somehow managed to be able to hold him up long enough to change his brief but then almost dropped him from fear that over took my soul.

I let out a scream, which didn’t even phase Al at all.scared_face My face  felt cold as the fear dripped from my head.blood dripping

I was staring at his bed sheets and what I saw I had never seen before, never in all my years of being a caregiver.

The bed pad had a large circle or odd shape of black. I quickly changed Al and  put him  in his recliner. When I got him positioned I quietly asked, ” are you hurting anywhere? Do you have pain? Is everything alright?”

He never answered me. He dropped his head and just seemed lifeless.LifelessAndrew

At this time my heart was racing and yet I knew I had to remain calm. My son and my nephew came about then. They were talking about all of their major issues from the day.

In my mind I was scared. I could feel my body shivering from what I had seen.scared woman I talked to them a few minutes and then my son conversed with my daughter via cell phone.

While they were talking I sneaked a way back to my bedroom and called Hospice. I explained every detail I could remember and she told me that Al is beginning to go through the stage of Renal Failure.

Oh my God is all that was racing through my mind. I felt like rats were eating at my brain, leaving me nothing but pieces of broken threads. Nothing was connecting. All I could gather in sentences were this is bad.rat

I hung up and went and threw all the evidence in the trash can. I smiled at Al and asked him if he was ready for his bedtime snack. I heard nothing but he did look in my direction. I went to the kitchen and got him a glass of juice, a pop tart and his medications.

Going back I gave him his medicine first and then sat the goodie in his lap. He sat there, motionless. I prompted him a couple of times and then he reached for the food.

I told him I would be back. The guys had gone outside to build a fire in the pit. We all gathered round. It was a nice roaring fire and although it is still summer there was a slight chill in the air at midnight.bonfire

We were all discussing the day. I was glancing towards the house admiring the white lights that run throughout the wheelchair ramp.

I remembered Al and came back in. He had not moved. Once again I prompted him he needed to eat a little because he had his medications. He moved his arm as if to raise it to his mouth so I left again.

Once back outside I started telling the guys how I felt an eerie feeling. I felt like something was not right. I had an instinct that Al was not really here with me. We started discussing a little bit about his life and what he had done in it.

My nephew made the comment that Al had always been a fighter. He said Al will not give up until he can fight no longer. I looked back at the ramp again. Those white lights always bring me comfort.

The fire was crackling and all three of us became quiet for a short time. Then we heard something in the trees. A squirrel?squirrel Was the owl back? A couple of weeks a go there was a big, white owl that was sitting in the tree directly above me. owlMaybe Rhino had tried to come outside.IMG_0561

No, it was none of these things. In fact, what caught our attention was the click of the screen door. Now you have to realize it is dark except from the glow of the fire and the lights surrounding the ramp.

We all turn to look at the door when we heard the click of the handle. We watch as the door is thrown open. Not gently, but like a force of someone being in a hurry.

It was opened as far as it could go, then in two seconds it was slammed shut.Door

We all saw it. There was no denying it. We jumped up out of our seats and huddled.

I knew that Al was inside and I needed to check on him. Swallowing hard and forcing my feet to walk, I had to enter that door that had just opened and slammed by itself.

I went in and checked on Al. He had never eaten the pop tart nor touched his drink. Once again I  somehow with added strength, was able to get him out of his recliner and into bed. I changed his brief, rolled him over and tucked him in. He was nothing more than a zombie at this  point.zombie

I made myself walk through the house. Opening closet doors, looking behind shower curtains.shower curtain Nothing, no one was anywhere. I went back in and again checked on out-of-it Al and he was sitting up in bed, wide awake. His eyes were wide and he looked at me but said nothing. I asked, ” are you alright? Did you see Mom?”  He looked at me and then laid back down. I went back outside.

We tried to reason what we had witnessed but there was no explanation. The door had been flung open and slammed shut. We all saw it. The fire was almost out so the guys headed home and I had to come in the house by myself.

Someone or something had definitely been in our house. Last week the door action had happened twice. Once when I was here alone and then when I had company it did it again. The TV had been turned very loud by someone other than me and with no remote.

Was it a spirit? Was it Mom here for Al? I don’t know. Maybe I will never know. Whom ever or what ever it was definitely linked to Al.angel-looking-down-from-heaven-534

haunted house

Would You Like to Share?


Earlier today I posted about the strange things that happened here at home. The TV all of a sudden going very loud. The opening and closing of the front door when no one was there.

Late this afternoon, a nephew of mine came over for a bit. When he got ready to leave, the same door opened and closed again. He jumped back. I explained what happened earlier and he hiked it out of here very quickly.

I have had now three experiences today. Al is unaware of any of these, the same as I am unaware of his chats with our Mom in heaven. The only way I know about them is when I caught him talking to her earlier today or if he volunteers information.

I have had several comments stating that this is not abnormal as Al reaches heaven’s door. In fact, some of you have told me of your own personal experiences. Some think it is impossible for this to happen and yet others think I am a nut case.

I have never read another post on WP that expresses any of this topic.

I am new to this. I have taken care of my Father up until he died in my arms, but nothing unusual happened that I saw or he talked about. The only thing I noticed was that the dog would not leave his side in the last week of  his life.

If anyone would be willing to share an experience I would love to read it. I am not trying to pry into your life or even bring up sad memories. I am trying to understand, to be able to converse with Al on a better level.

No pressure at all from me. Just an invitation to share if you would like.

I think heaven has to be beautiful. I think it would be fantastic to know my parents are here and protecting or watching out over me as they are doing for Al. I think it would be awesome to walk to heaven holding a loved one’s hand. In some little way it is taking the fear out of my own death.book4spirit world

A True Story, A Little Scare


I have a little shiver that just ran through my body. Did you ever have that feeling something is not right? Or someone is in your home but you don’t see anyone?

Al woke up alright today. I washed him up, and fixed him breakfast. He had a banana nut muffin, scrambled eggs, two sausage links and apple juice.

Afterwards, I shaved him and trimmed all the hairy parts that seem to grow only on a man’s head or face, or maybe both. LOL

I put him in his lift chair and he listened to his audio tape player with the New Testament on it.new testament

I made a cheese cake for his lunch and when the time was right, he had new  baby potatoes, meat loaf, corn and cheesecake. I was doing what I had to do since he refused his meals yesterday and I won. He ate 100% on both meals.

He started the sweating thing and the tremors are back but they aren’t too bad. He is so cold and clammy to the touch. It sort of gives me an odd feeling when I touch him.

After lunch was over he tried to use the toilet with no success. I changed his brief and put him in bed. As I was coming out of his bedroom I went and got the clean laundry I had done from his bed change this morning.

As I walked back in to his room I  heard him say, ” I love you Mom.”

I didn’t say anything and walked back out of his room. As I passed the front door, the screen door closed. I instantly turned around to see who was there. No one was there. I don’t know why but I opened it and closed it again, making sure it was latched.

I looked out on the ramp and I saw no one. It made me have a hint of shivers but I just ignored it. It must have been the wind I thought. I walked a way from the door and then I got scared.

The television that has been on the same channel all day and at the same volume was suddenly blaring. It was so loud it made me jump in my spot. I raced over to grab the remote and turn it down. I had to click the volume button a few times before I got the volume back to a normal hearing level.

With this being the second startle I slowly checked out the house. I started with my bedroom, and made my way through the house. I saw nothing. Although I had just came from Al’s room I went back there one more time; just to check. Al was talking to Mom.

I left his room and came out here and sat down at the computer. I heard the cat eating, but when I glanced over the cat wasn’t there. I don’t know what the explanation is but someone or something is definitely here.

pumpkins

Threads Or I Am Going Crazy


I have been posting on the odd things that have been happening in Al and my home. I have found two different pieces of wadded strings. I had the gold necklace cross end up in my hands during the middle of the night.

Nothing else has happened until this morning. I went to do Al’s laundry from his bed. I took my pile to the washer and dryer and sitting on top of the washer was a blue piece of something.

I picked it up. It was bright blue like the sky. The touch was something I had not felt for so many years. It was so soft. Softer than Angora. It reminded me of the days when my family got baby chicks. When you picked them up it was like picking up pieces of soft, fluffy clouds.

I laid it down on the washer, and turned to sort out the dirty clothes on the floor. I was thinking, is this another sign from  Mom? What kind of game is going on here? Am I losing my mind?

You see I have talked to my best friends. I have spoken to many bloggers on WP and the ideas are just as different as East and West. Some say yes, it could be a sign from Mom. Others say no way, yet others say maybe it is angels.

After sorting the clothes out I stood back up to look at the piece of blue yarn again and it was gone. I was a little sad I have to tell you. I went ahead and started the washer. When I was getting ready to walk a way, there lay the blue fluff again on top of the washer.

I raced into the living room to get my camera and take a photo of it again before it disappeared before my eyes. I walked back with the camera. No fluffy yarn. I searched all around the washer and dryer, on the floor, nothing. It has been two  hours now since I last laid eyes on it and it has not reappeared since.

I don’t know what to think anymore. All I know is I am not going crazy. I am seeing these things.

Saddened I can only tell you about it as I have no photo to show you. I went back in and sat at my computer and picked up my sketch pad. This is what I ended up drawing. Does this have any connection or threads connecting from the blue fluffy threads to my sketch? Maybe or maybe not. Only my inner mind knows for sure, I guess.new sketch

Do You Believe Or Think it is Silly


A couple of months a go I went to sleep empty-handed. In the middle of the night I suddenly woke up and found a gold cross in my hand. It was lying straight, untangled and ready to wear.

I had worn this necklace the year that my Father was so ill. He died from Leukemia. I wore it for a while longer and then eventually tucked it safely in my jewelry box and have never had it on since.gold necklace

Putting it on even at that time of night, I didn’t think anything about wearing it again. It seemed as if I was supposed to do this.

I did question how it got out of my jewelry box and into my hand after a few years of not wearing it.

Several of you had opinions which I found very interesting. Personally, I felt it was placed there for a specific reason, and God had played a big part in this.

A few weeks a go, I got Al up and off to Day Program. When I came over to sit down at my computer, there on the desk sat a wad of string. Instantly it reminded me of Mom. Mom sewed a lot and it wasn’t uncommon to find wads of thread  lying around.

By now, I suspected Mom had been here. Al has been speaking to Mom so much and I just wondered if she was here with him. Once again, several of you had opinions on this and I appreciated each one. I started to understand that maybe Mom was here for me also, since the thread was left at my desk. string

A couple of days ago I took the necklace off and returned it to its proper place. With the heat and high humidity it was just bothering me. Last night I was placing Al in bed. I got him all tucked in and felt like he was as comfortable as possible.

I turned around to make sure the drapes were pulled tight for him and right in the middle of the drape, at my eye level was another piece of thread.

I was not afraid. I smiled to myself and silently said, “thanks Mom for being here today for Al and me. It has been a real bad day and knowing you are here brings comfort to me.”

I picked it off the drape and brought it out to the same place I had placed the other wad of string.

Mom, we had our issues, but what daughters and mothers don’t. You always gave the best you had in everything you did. Here once again, you knew that I needed  comfort, and you let me know I am not alone.

thread

Mom Is In Heaven, But She Was Here Tonight


Today was not really too bad a day until this evening.

Al had his shower by the Hospice aide, then he laid down for a nap. He knew that I was going to take him to the fair today since it was free day. I told him we would eat supper there as a treat, even though I know how darn expensive fair food is.

To get Al ready to go somewhere it takes a lot of physical effort from myself. I have to take his wheelchair and him out to the car. Place him in the car, buckle him up. Place the folded wheelchair in the trunk. For me this is quite an effort as I have to lift it to trunk level and then push it inside. You also have the foot pedals and the cushion that he sits on.

For today I also had empty boxes from his briefs and liners and pads to throw a way. I had three bags of trash to take out to the trash. I had to get his and my medications for supper. I had to remember to take an individual size container of applesauce so he can take his pills.

It really puts my body through the wringer, especially my feet as they have Diabetic Neuropathy. Any time I lift or walk much they ache and burn, but I look at it as not for me, this is a treat for Al.

So we get to the fair grounds and it is packed for Free Day. There is no place to park that I won’t have to push his chair through gravel. I end up driving straight through to the actual fair and  park beside the radio bus. I leave Al buckled in and hunt down someone who works for the fair board.

I have to know if I can park inside the perimeters of the fair and I have to admit to these men that I can’t push the wheelchair through gravel and stones. They were very nice and said that today was open day and they would allow it but after today when everyone had to pay I could no longer do it. I told them that this was the only day I was coming and they stayed near by to make sure I got Al out.

After Al was out of the car, the men pushed him up the small slant so I could have it a little easier. I thanked them generously for their help in all they did.

I took Al to one of the food stands and found two empty seats. We were under a roof so he didn’t get too much sun. I ordered and paid for our food and then we ate. I knew it had been a couple of hours by now since I had changed him so after we ate we headed to the Arts building where I knew there were restrooms.

What I didn’t count on was that the bathroom doors of both gents and ladies doors were too small to get the wheelchair in. I started freaking out inside wondering how I was going to change him in private.

I am standing there going over ideas when I spot a lady that used to be Mom and Dad‘s old neighbor. I go up to her and explain that I could use her help. She sort of hesitated, which I guess this is normal. She did help. We got Al as far in the bathroom as the chair would go and then I stood him up and she and I walked him to the sink so he could hold on.

All of a sudden he starts crying and he never stops. She and I try to get him to stop but he is embarrassed that he needs help and more so because he and I knew her. But I did what I had to do, other wise we would have had to go home.

We got him changed and she washed her hands and then my turn came. We got back out in the main part and he is still crying. Then he starts his ranting about his disease. Going on and on about how it is taking over his life. He did something wrong to have it. It is taking over his whole body. He is going to die.

People were staring. The lady that helped disappeared. I tried to calm him down but it didn’t work. After all the physical work and the big dollars for the meal I had no choice but to bring him home.

I felt cheated, I am not going to lie. I had to dig down the fair people in order to park. My feet were burning from trying to push him in gravel. I begged for help to change him and now we were going  home.

On the way home he was still crying and feeling sorry for himself. I have so had it with his feelings of self-pity. I am sorry, I don’t mean to be a meanie, but I have told him so many times he could be so much worse off, but he is all about him and it will most likely remain that way.

After getting home I unload the wheelchair, put it back in a sitting position. Put the pad in it. Help Al get out of the car. Lug him up the ramp, open the door, pull as  hard as I can to get him over the bump from the ramp into the house, and finally get him seated in his lift chair, safe and sound.

My back is hurting, my feet are burning, and my fingers are kind of numb from hanging on to the chair to pull him. Still he is going on and on about his illness. I finally looked at him and said,STOP, I can’t take your pity talk anymore.

I explained what I went through out of my love for him and how I was disappointed that I didn’t get my ice-cream from the Dairy Barn at the fair, and now I would have to wait a whole other year.

He is not listening. I should have just shut my mouth. He is telling me how his body is sick all over and I am agreeing with him. He is telling me that it is probably going to kill him and I once again agree.  He started to say something else and I stood up from his bed and walked out of his room. He sat there in silence and just now turned his TV on. I bet he sat there for half an hour in silence. Maybe he was digesting our conversation.

I was pooped and sore. I came out to the computer and plopped my rear end down and lit up a cigarette. I knew in my heart that outings with Al were officially over. There would be no more pleasure trips unless I had guaranteed help, and I find that hard to believe it will ever happen. Everyone I know runs the other way when I ask for help.

When I took out all the trash I had laid clean bags inside of the cans. When I finished my cigarette I leaned down to pick up the bag. I felt something brush my arm. I thought it was a fly but it wasn’t. I turned around to see what it was and right here in the middle of my computer desk laid this. I instantly felt or heard something tell me, it’s alright, I am here with you. I didn’t get scared, instead I felt comfort as I knew in my gut and heart it was Mom. Threads that she used to sew with and the wads of thread she left behind were exactly like this one. This is in the same color as the feather I found on my bathroom floor a few days ago.

Thanks Mom, it brings me comfort that you are here and you understand……………………

my mom and dadMom and Dad

stringThe wad of string she left me on my computer desk. I love you Mom and miss you. Al is asking for you, he misses you too. I love you Dad and so does Al in his own special way.

Ghost or Spirits or Imagination


spirit

I used to watch the big movie called Ghost Busters when it was popular, did you watch it also? It is cute and I loved the big Marshmallow Man.

With working in so many Nursing Homes throughout my years, I have heard numerous stories about ghosts and spirits remaining behind. I never heard of any stories where the spirit or ghost was out to scare people.

Many times I heard that spirits left something behind to warn staff of another soul getting ready to go to heaven. I do remember very well two things about one place I worked. It was a huge nursing home and very old.

In fact, the owners of the building are buried outside on the front lawn under a huge monument in their honor. But inside the building, were many wings. There is a tunnel going under ground that  used to be part of the original building. You can still see the undisturbed torches still hanging on the walls as you walk through.

When I worked there the tunnel led you to the laundry area. But to get there you had to pass the newly added church and bank for the residents. One time when I was going through here I was scared out of my pants.

I always worked third shifts at most places and of course if anything is going to happen third shift would be the one it would happen on. It was quiet in the tunnel. The only lights that were lit were the new electrical lights in the hallway.

As I passed the church, out of no where the giant organ began to play. I am not sure but I may have dribbled a little on myself, and I learned that when I am scared stiff I freeze in spot.organ

Somehow I unfroze my legs and scurried like a scared mouse to the laundry room. When I returned to my work floor I told the other aides about what had happened and they had a good laugh on me as they had also experienced this.

The other strange thing that happened was the smell of Cherry Tobacco. There was once a long-term gentleman who had resided there that smoked a pipe always filled with Cherry Tobacco. After he passed a way he would return. We always knew it as the strong odor of his pipe filled one particular room very heavily.

Within 24 hours the resident in that room passed a way. The story was that when ever you smelled the sweet smell of cherry, that resident would pass. I do know that this always seemed true, but was it? Or was it our own imaginations?

Now that Al has moved through his illness and is advancing thoughts of heaven, we hear strange things in our home. I found a blue feather in my bathroom one day last week. I know as well as I am sitting here, we have no birds in our house.

The baby monitor will pick up strange noises from Al’s room. Sometimes they are squelches like maybe picking up from other areas of outdoor noise. Sometimes I think I hear an actual voice like last week when something or someone said the word hush.

Other days I will hear nothing at all and then it will be very active for a couple of days. I have seen one pattern. When Al is having a really rough day with pain or the thoughts of why he can’t go to heaven yet, the noises sound once again.

Al swears it is Mom and I do remember also my daughter telling me sometimes that Mom was near her as she could smell her sweet perfume. Mom loved one perfume by Avon called Timeless.

If you have never smelled it before, in my opinion it is a very sweet smell. My daughter is never scared by this as she loved my Mom very much and I believe it brought her comfort. I have never had this experience with Mom, but the necklace I wore while I cared for our Dad, did appear in my hand, laid out nice and straight, during the middle of the night.

It didn’t scare me. I wondered how it got there but without thinking I knew it was some kind of sign from Dad and I just put it back on around my neck.

My question is this; are there spirits or ghost? Is our desire to see our past loved ones so strong that we visualize what isn’t there? If this is true, how did the necklace get out of the jewelry box and into my hand during the night? Is my daughter really smelling Mom’s perfume? Or does she miss her so much that she was imagined this?

What about Al? He tells me off and on that he speaks to Mom. He has told me that Mom tells him that she is saving a spot for him. One time when Al and I lived here in Indiana still, Al told me that he wanted to go to the cemetery to visit Mom.

I took him there. Now there is one thing I know that Al doesn’t. He has a spot reserved for him on the right side of Mom’s grave. Al doesn’t even know any of this. As we were standing in front of Mom and Dad paying our respects it is very quiet.

All of a sudden, Al looks at me and said, “Mom is patting the ground telling me that this is where I will be laying one day. She said this spot is mine.” I swear the hairs on my arms stood straight up as the place that Al pointed to on the empty grassy spot was exactly where Al will be laid to rest.

So what do you think? Is any of this real? Is there anywhere in the Bible that talks about humans and spirits? I tend to believe more in spirits myself verses ghosts. But yet, I don’t know what the Bible says all about this.

If any of you have experiences you would like to share with me, please feel free. If any of you have known scriptures of this topic in the Bible, please lead me to them. I guess I am asking because I know that Al is not going to get better, unless a miracle is performed. I just want to know what is going on inside our house.