My mind wanders back to the day of 9/11, 16 years ago. What was I doing? Where was I? I was going through my own hell on that day. I had split up with my ex. I was living on my own on minimum wages. I had lost my mother a year prior. I was lonely, miserable and sad, angry at everyone; including myself.
I remember having slept a restless night, probably from worrying too much, instead of leaving it in God’s hands. I woke up later than my normal time. I got my coffee made, sat down to drink it and flipped the television on.
Oh my gosh! What! What in the world is going on?
I listened and learned our country had been hit by mean and hateful people. Lives had been lost. Quickly, I forgot about my problems and thought about how my mother wasn’t here to see this.
I sat glued to the television. I didn’t get much accomplished that day. I grew quieter in thought and just watched the TV. Hour after hour, my heart sank. Before I knew it, I was beginning to pray.
I had been brought up in church. I did the weekly church thing, but this moment, I found myself drawing nearer to our God. I felt tears dripping as my heart tore more open from this world tragedy.
From that day forward, God and I became closer friends. He helped me get through my father’s illness and death. He helped keep me strong for my brother’s seven-year illness and his death.
He showed me I could make it on my own in almost any situation. He helped me draw closer to my children and to understand I was not only their mother, but I could let loose of the trying to guide them in their own lives, and just plain enjoy knowing they love me, no matter what.
Today, I thank God for awakening my need for him. I pray for all those lost in the terrible 9/11. I continue to pray for our world of disasters today; other countries in turmoil and hate, tornadoes, fires and hurricanes. I pray for our Congress and President Trump.
No matter what my opinions are of any goings on, the fact is; God is in charge and knows exactly what to do. Now, today, I am fighting my own health concerns. I try to give more to God and enjoy the little things in life; like waking up.
I try and succeed most times, to find the good in the negative in people and in my surrounding situations. God is good. I don’t know why he doesn’t stop some things from happening; but I know he has his reasons. Maybe, he wants us all to draw near to him, lean on him.
So many of us feel we are in charge of our lives. We have to make the decisions. We must make sure our children are happy, our spouses and partners are happy. Our job performances are noticed, our paychecks bigger each year.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter, none of it. God brought us into this world out of ashes. He will take us out of this world in a blink of an eye, and I promise, nothing is going with us, nothing.
All that matters is; we love God, praise his name, give thanks for everything we do have, continue to love him when things don’t go right, and the biggest to me, is TRUST HIM, and don’t worry about what others are thinking or saying. We are God’s child. He made us perfect in his vision. He has us right where he wants us, each moment, each day, each year.
God bless our country. God bless our military. God bless you.
I am what some would say,”Addicted to Facebook.” Maybe I am, maybe I am not. Your call on that one. I do know that I read a lot of what streams and I also advocate for Multiple System Atrophy. I also belong to several MSA groups along with Parkinson’s and Ataxia groups. There is so much support from these wonderful people; because we understand each other’s symptoms. It is a great place to go for answers, a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent, and make good friends.
I get so aggravated at the name calling, people thinking that they are the only ones who are correct and swear words. During the streaming process, I ignore some gross stuff, laugh at others, pray for all, and shake my head at the politics.
I hear it everywhere. People where I live discuss it often. There are Veteran’s here who reside and they have very outstanding remarks about our past and present President’s. They chat openly about the wars they were in, and I listen in awe as they bring their memories to life.
A Veteran is a dictionary
With incredible stories
True life history
No stones left unturned
A Veteran is my history friend.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
07/13/2017
Now, it’s a different story on Facebook. It seems everything goes. Nothing is sacred. I do believe we are all free to our speech. We do live in America. I don’t believe we should bully, block people, unfriend friends over politics.
Isn’t it more important that we gather together in common ground and think positive thoughts for our government and pray for their thoughts and actions? We, the people, can not change so many things in life, but we can come together for the better of our future.
I admit I get nervous. Their is so much talk about big cut backs for government programs. I know for me for instance, I have little funds, I depend on their help for medical expenses. I wish I didn’t have to, but my illness prevents me from doing so much in life.
What I have to do is; pick out information that is important and let the rest race out my other ear. There is much gossip that spreads from mouth to mouth. What do we really know is truth or lie? I have to trust that our President, Donald Trump, has our best interest at heart, and with all the pushing and shoving he is faced with daily, he will give it his best shot.
Trust, this is what is needed
Hope is what we must carry
Pray is a must
And leave the rest to God.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
I live in a city in northern Indiana. I am not sure why I am even stating that fact; as it doesn’t seem to really matter. This happens in about any town that has any politicians involved.
There are crimes, and then there are crimes. Get what I mean? Some of the crimes in my opinions are so petty, and being locked up provides certain luxuries that some senior citizens would give their right arm to receive plus the fact it is taking up valuable space for those crimes more serious, and of course, you know who is footing these bills of three meals and a shower, right?
I am not able to speak on experience. Crap, I am just a pebble on the beach in our town. No one really knows who I am, and with what happens inside the box, I don’t think I would want to be discovered, so I will just remain one of many pebbles.
What gets my goat though worse than anything is crime. Now if I don’t report any changes within ten days to the government, any or all of my benefits can be ripped away for long periods of time, and maybe permanent too. There could also be a threat of jail time, and like I said, I am a nobody, and I did pay into the system for a time, so of course any benefits I receive, weren’t mine in the beginning, right?
Then there is the ones who have a name, have some money sitting under the mattress and in the bank, and they commit a crime, and suddenly it is not labeled a crime or the guilty get pushed under a new name, a new category, and BINGO, all charges are forgiven or suspended.
I can’t say the crime. I don’t know if I would get in trouble or a knock at my door, so I will just say, it has been on the news, plastered on the internet, so I have to believe that there was truth in what happened at one point.
All I am trying to point out here is this; if you do the crime, I don’t give a hoot what your last name is or how many bundles you got in the bank, pay the price. You are no better than me or any other pebbles in this world.
People, quit giving the bad guys a break. How about giving a break to those of us older people who are fighting to eat every day, pay our rents and utilities, get rides to the doctors, struggle paying those co-pays. Oh shit, I could go on and on at the unbalance in our world, but hey, I am just that pebble, so who is really listening. Oh well, I feel better just getting this off my chest. I will sleep well tonight, will you?
Hello, my name is Terry Shepherd. I am the sister, caregiver and the person who is going to tell you the story of a very, rare disease called M.S.A/P. (Multiple System Atrophy/Parkinson). I will say this illness will make you feel as if you are riding the biggest roller coaster of all times.
Imagine your life has been exactly the way you want it. Graduate of college, nice family, a couple of kids, nice house, two cars. Nothing could be better than reaching middle age and having no regrets.
One day you wake up and you don’t feel the energy that you did the day before. You go through your routine you have built throughout the years; but when you get home, you feel you have to take a nap before you can go any further.
You discover that one of your hands has a slight tremor. You shake it off, by telling yourself you must be coming down with the flu or something. You continue through your days and weeks and notice these symptoms appear off and on, and then one day you trip over your own two feet.
Perhaps you will notice that your leg has begun to tremor, or maybe both sides of your hands and legs have tremors and you have more days of this happening. You sit up and take notice. You tell your spouse and a call to the doctor is made.
You go to your appointment and he leads you through the many questions about your history. He guides you through some special walking tests and he tells you, you have Parkinson’s Disease.
You go home with plenty of information and you think you have it all figured out. You probably believe that this is something you can deal with; since it is a very slow moving illness.
Each month something changes though. More tremors, fatigue building, and a weakness you never experienced. You fall to the floor. You are alright, but you dig out your information packets and you are astonished that these symptoms are moving at a faster pace than stated.
One morning you are eating your breakfast, and you begin to choke. The muscle in your throat doesn’t seem to be working like it should. Another call is made to the doctor and you are scheduled with a neurologist.
You arrive at your appointment, the discussions begin, and if you are real lucky, your doctor may tell you that you do have Parkinson’s; but you also have Multiple System Atrophy. So many physicians are not familiar with this illness, and it is very common to visit doctor after doctor, to walk away with each of you scratching your head on what in the world is happening.
Multiple system atrophy (MSA) is a progressive neurodegenerative disorder characterized by a combination of symptoms that affect both the autonomic nervous system (the part of the nervous system that controls involuntary action such as blood pressure or digestion) and movement. The symptoms reflect the progressive loss of function and death of different types of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord.
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/msa/detail_msa.htm
The average life span for this rare disease is 7-9 years. It is a rapid decline of the body’s ability to do things for itself. A few things to mention here that you may or may not be afflicted by are;
A. Choking, swallowing
B. Slowness in movement, stiffness
C. Impaired speech
D. Fainting, lightheaded
E.Bladder control
If you click on the link I provided above, you can read much more detail about this beast of a disease.
My brother had this illness. I was not only his sister; I was his primary caregiver also. MSA consumes the patient, so for the caregiver; it is a very tasking job and in the end will take up all of your time. You will spend hours like I did, researching MSA. You will join groups to find out more information.
All you want to do is understand. You want to do anything but stand by feeling useless, while your loved one declines monthly. In the end, my brother could not speak, eat, move, blink. In other words, his entire body shut down. It was the most devastating disease I had ever been a witness to in my medical career in 25 years.
The best advice I can give anyone who is living this through a loved one is;
A. Find something positive in every day. Make this a habit; you will cling to it more as time progresses.
B. Make a journal. Don’t do this just for yourself, perhaps at some point you can help others understand. I did this. I have a special site where patients and caregivers can come chat with me.
C. Always wear a smile when you walk into the room where the patient is. One thing Multiple System Atrophy doesn’t usually do; is touch the memory part of the brain. Don’t speak about death, or how the patient looks while in his/her room. They hear and remember what you are saying.
D. As communication decreases, do what I did. Learn different ways to talk to the patient. I used squeeze the fingers, blink an eye, chalkboard and chalk, flash cards. A very important thing I did as we were going into the last six months of my brother, Al’s life was, I memorized his favorite schedule. It becomes pretty important when the patient is bed bound, that you know which part of the Bible he/she likes to hear. Which programs are their favorites and what times they are being aired.
E. The last thing I want to say, but definitely, I have more to add, if I had the space to write is; show the love, show the family photos, listen, I mean really listen to the words being said to you. Save them in your journal or memory box.
This is a cruel illness. It doesn’t pick out the rich or poor, nor the color of your skin. It seems to hit those in their fifties; but has been diagnosed in those much younger.
There is still much to learn about this life shortening illness. Doctors and scientists are working on a cure every day. With your help of donations and sharing the information you have learned, we all can make a difference, and hopefully soon, we will hear the words; WE FOUND A CURE.
If you would like to make a donation, please visit the link below and follow the directions.
Here is a photo of my brother. He was born 05/03/1955
He had Multiple System Atrophy/Parkinson’s from the years 01/05/2008-03/24/2014
He passed away, 03/24/2014
I sure do miss you.
I heard on the news tonight about an Afghan 10 year-old girl being forced to carry a bomb on her. Here is a short story of what I heard.
A 10-year-old girl who apparently attempted to carry out a suicide attack wearing a vest packed with explosives has been detained by Afghan authorities.
The girl, named only as Spozhmai, appeared at a news conference in Lashkar Gah, capital of Helmand province.
She told how her brother, reportedly a Taliban commander, had forced her to wear the vest and ordered her to detonate herself at a police checkpoint.
“I was tired of my stepmother. My brother told me to wear the black vest, go to the police checkpoint and press the button,” she told reporters.
“I went past a river and decided to drop the vest. My brother fled and police arrested me.”
There are conflicting accounts of the incident, with some officials saying she was wearing the vest when she was arrested and others saying no vest had been recovered.
The Afghanistan-based Tolo TV news channel said the girl was unable to operate the button to detonate the explosives.
I DON’T KNOW LORD
I don’t know how much more
We can take before our government
And people unite as one
And love once reigns again.
How can we use our children
Dear Lord, are you waiting
Standing back, waiting for one and all
You surely disagree with this.
I pray that whatever it is you wish
Dear Lord, that it comes to pass
And we are freed from this pain
Our earth is forced to endure.
For I don’t know how much more
I can personally take, when I
Think back and remember when
Our life was once peaceful and full of love.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
1/12/2015
Who I am 