All I can control is myself and just keep having a positive attitude.
It seems that by now reaching that goal of being a true Senior Citizen; I would have all my crap together, but I don’t. The older I have reached the worse I don’t know myself.
I do have some regrets at this point.
A. Not doing enough with my children when they were younger and living at home. We had some real good times but I spent a lot of time making sure the house was neat and tidy and supper was on time.
B. Not fighting harder for what I knew was right inside my heart. There is a lot that goes on when raising a family of three kids. Places to go and errands to run, kids inviting over night guests, groceries to buy and of course; keeping the house neat and tidy.
C. Not spending enough time with my parents. This is something I always knew I should do; but I was always too busy or too tired. I always went to their house on invitation order or for holidays. I’m talking about those times when I really didn’t have much on my agenda and still didn’t go.
Today, I am starting to look backwards and forwards at the same time. I can’t change the past for sure but I can make sure my forward is kept on track to the best of my ability.
I may be older but my heart still gets stomped on. Today, I have to let it go. Yesterday, I would have worried and stressed it out until I was in bed sick to my stomach. I can’t rule or control how others take my words or actions. I can only hope that misunderstandings are resolved and life can move forward with ease.
The one thing I do not like today and I pretty much stand up for myself is backlash. I hear things said to me today about what and why I did what I did or said years ago. Yesterday, I would have sunk emotionally. Today, I stand up for what I know is right for me.
Today, it’s not necessary to keep the house neat and tidy. It is more about being content inside. Spending time with those that make me feel good. Laughing is the main course on my plate. I have to deal with my Ataxia and I have to deal and accept the old-age pains, but letting go of that neat and tidy house is a choice I can make.
She was sitting behind her desk grading papers. School was over for the day and she was so glad. It had been a rough day. Her concentration was low on what she was supposed to be teaching to her third grade students. Instead, her mind was on last evening at home.She and her husband were having another argument. The he said, she said was over the top. This argument had been going on for a few days now, ever since a friend had hinted that Jerry, her husband may be cheating on her.Beth looked into her mirror deeply. Did she look her best? Was she making a real effort to please her husband when they sat down at breakfast?She had built her own wall of unworthy. This in turn made her doubt everything her husband said in his defense to her accusations. She placed one paper on top of another. Red check marks, grades with circles in it but as she looked at the finished pile she wondered if she had done a good job. She heard a noise. A noise that sounded like scurrying. Soon the noise got louder and before she could stand, her door was thrown open and two men grabbed her from behind.They gagged her and tied her hands behind her back. They pushed her hard into a closet.She tried kicking at the door to break it open while she listened to chairs being tossed and desks being over turned. Gruff voices directing partners to look here and over there.She was scared and tears streamed quick down her cheeks. She asked herself, “Are they going to kill me? What will they do with me? What about my husband? Will I see him again?” As she stood there shivering she felt a touch on her shoulder. She looked around her but all she saw was darkness. The touch on her shoulder became firmer. A warmth she had never experienced ran through her body. Her body became firm. She calmed down amongst the storm.The voice said, ” I have placed you in this situation because I want you to know the truth. I made you Beth. I made you just the way you are. You believe in me and I have been guiding you all through your life. Suddenly, you are not listening to me. Instead, you are listening to others who do not know me. I want you to go home and look at your mirror and your husband through the eyes I have given you.” Suddenly the door opened to the closet. She was no longer restrained. There was no chaos nor noise. She walked over to her desk and saw that her papers were graded and put neatly in a folder for tomorrow’s class.She looked around, grabbed her coat and purse. She walked straight out of the school and got into her car. When she got home, her husband was reading the paper on the couch. She walked over to him with coat and purse still in hand. She laid his newspaper to the side and grabbed him around the neck, whispering, ” I love you so much. Thank-you for being my husband.” Written by,Terry Shepherd
I think back to when my mom was mothering us three kids. How in the world did she manage to do it all? She worked a full-time job. She dealt with issues of us being kids. She was the glue that held the family together. She fed us, clothed us and gave us a nice home.
I think about how ungrateful I was as a kid but am very appreciative today of her upbringing for me and her hard work and efforts of seeming to do it all without showing exhaustion.
My mother passed away in October of 2000. Losing a mother to death makes me feel like an orphan but I managed.
Make sure you tell your mom if she is still here on earth just what she has meant to you in your life. You really don’t have tomorrow to do it.
I have been struggling this past month or so because it is becoming apparent that I emotionally need to be accepting that I can no longer do the same things I did before I got Ataxia.
So this is my life and I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I am still trying.
The weather here in Northern Indiana has just sucked big time. It has been chilly for May. It has been cloudy almost six out of seven days weekly and we have had an excessive amount of rain.
This is not something that I personally enjoy and with older age it is definitely showing in my joints.
BUT, we all know there are rainbows if we are patient and for me there was one this past weekend.
I was invited to get out of town, out of the state and to bring my camera. I was so excited; I didn’t even hesitate to say a big yes.
I went to Kentucky for some shopping and sightseeing and to Ohio to the zoo. I had a good time but my health did cause my trip some issues. So the little time I was there; I was able to get some photos and here are a few for you to see.
For those of us who are carrying a rock on our backs, our daily living changes, therefore we need to find other ways and means to keep our inner spirits alive.
Once again I saw the article on the morning news. Another shooting in a school. Injuries and death were the final results.
I sit here as a Senior citizen and I just don’t remember my parents talking about this topic as a child. Of course; they could have hid this information from me but even as a youth; I didn’t see this on the National news.
As a kid, guns were mainly used for killing food for the table. Policemen carried guns to protect us from dangers.
We only heard about crime being done in the big, big cities. Today; guns can be bought underground and even in stores by almost anyone.
The rules have been changed as each major shooting is done but yet guns can still be placed in the wrong hands.
Does it really make a difference in new rules? Are we hitting the main target on these rules to keep the innocent safe?
There are people getting injured and killed by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There are drive-by shootings. There are children being killed by those with emotional and mental problems.
I can almost guarantee that when I go to our local Wal-Mart; I will see at least one person carrying an armed weapon. Although I realize that person is protecting himself and his family from danger; it also gives me shivers seeing a real gun.
I grew up in another era. Sunday, stores were closed. Drugs were not running rampant among our streets. We could, as children, play outdoors into the dusk hours without fear.
How many people have to get killed before the right answer is in front of us? I don’t even know the right answer. Broken homes, lack of parenting, loss of employment, drugs, theft, the ME world is raging like venom being spat from a snake.
I wish the world would halt and pray together. I wish the President and the People connected. I wish God would be placed back in the government, schools and public places. I wish it were not a fear to pray in public.
I just wish. One day I will escape this and go straight to Heaven, but until then, how many need to have their lives taken early?
People come together with their families to celebrate Easter. What better way to celebrate than to spend a few hours going on the journey of Christ’s life. Roma Downey
Yes, I remember. I remember the Easter Egg hunts as a child. Finding colored eggs. Dressing up in the fanciest clothes, sitting in church with the grown-ups. I remember all family getting together, saying grace, and eating so much food that we needed to run it off. I remember baby lambs and baby chicks.
Now that I’m an adult, I have the power of mind to make my own choices. I have the ability to listen and to read about Jesus Christ. I can choose to believe or choose to believe it is all hog wash.
I think it helped me when I read in the Bible that I would have to sell myself to the devil for a slice of bread. I know the fear was planted when I learned that I would burn forever in a fire with no escape.
Yes, I have my memories of Easters past but I am very thankful for the choices I have made as an adult.
I don’t know what happened. I was thinking maybe my Dystonia was having its way with my foot while I napped.
I had to go to my primary doctor this morning for my three-month lab work. I could barely walk. Yesterday after taking an afternoon nap, I got up and I could not stand on my foot.
Dystonia is a movement disorder in which a person’s muscles contract uncontrollably. The contraction causes the affected body part to twist involuntarily, resulting in repetitive movements or abnormal postures. Dystonia can affect one muscle, a muscle group, or the entire body.
I forced myself to endure the pain because there was no one around to help me and I was determined to go to the local church with my friends for a home-cooked dinner. I limped and was unsteady on my feet; but I did make it.
Today was about the same. I couldn’t wear my shoes and although it was chilly outside; I wore my flip-flops. It was difficult to drive and walk or even move.
I decided to treat myself to a breakfast made by someone other than myself, so I went to our local pharmacy which has a cafe within. I used to take my brother there a lot because they have a large Coca-Cola collection and if you have followed my blog for years, you know he was obsessed with this product.
My brother and I had been a part of this business since our parents started taking us when we were five and six years old.
My daughter worked there and I worked there. As I watched the waitress making my breakfast of eggs and bacon, I could almost hear my brother chatting away about all the Coca-Cola items.
As I watched her, I thought back to how many years ago it had been since I worked there and I could remember me racing up and down the path, filling orders. I thought I could really move quick.
Now, I couldn’t do that, no matter how bad I wished for it. Not only do the years fly by so quick as we age, any health issues can really slow us down. Still, I enjoyed my memories. I felt the ping of teary eyes thinking about how much I miss my brother and I reflected on my past months and can see my own progression in my health decline.
It really makes you stop and realize just how precious today actually is. It helps me keep working on being brave and dealing with medical issues. It helps me realize how much worse I could be. It helps me fight to walk today. Ignore the pain and smile because this is my life and today I have a chance to live it.
Today was cloudy and chilly when I got up. Part of me wanted to crawl back under the covers and go back to sleep but I knew I needed to get up.
I needed to thank God for giving me today. I needed to ask him to guide me through this day and help me to be a light to one other person.
I needed to exercise my one hand. I have Arthritis on my knuckle and two fingers. It helps them although it hurts so much at first. I needed to work my muscles in my legs so they don’t get weak. I needed to use my feet although they are in daily pain.
I have to try. When I help myself; God will help me.
It is now in the afternoon and I am glad I forced myself to do what needed to be done. Tomorrow, I will allow myself to sleep in a little, just like the old days when we were teens. How late do you sleep in? How late did you sleep in on the weekends when you were teens?
I hope your weekend will be nice. 55 degrees is predicted for Saturday and chillier on Sunday and Monday. Tomorrow evening is our Saturday night supper here where I live. A night I don’t have to eat alone!