Right before my brother passed away a new grandchild was born. He is so precious. He is smiling now and sometimes laughs out loud. If Al could have seen him I know he would just be smiling so big.
Al was always fascinated by little kids. I always thought he connected with them in his own child-like mind. It makes me smile when I think of Al more and more. I like being able to go back in my memories and re-live all the fun times we had.
Sure there were terrible times. We argued, I cried at times, but we had many days of laughter. I am beginning to see that the old stuff is somehow placed deep away in a dark space in my mind and the sun shines through the good stuff.
Now, once again, I am waiting on being a grandma again today. My daughter-in-law went into the hospital to give birth. It is like being a grandma all over again. We all know this is going to be a little girl and I already know she is going to be beautiful like the rest of my grandchildren. They came from my own handsome children.
If mom were here today she would be one of the first ones wanting to hold the new bundle of joy. She was a busy woman when she was alive but she seemed to make time for family.
Dad would say he didn’t want to hold the baby. Too young, wait until older, but someone would place the newborn in his hands and he would just beam
It saddens me a little to know that I always dreamed of being shown that smile when ever dad was around. It wasn’t that he didn’t love us. He just wasn’t one to show it. I saw him cry one time over me. I had allowed fear to take over his heart. I was a brat as a teenager I guess. Probably more often than not we all have disappointed our parents.
Al is gone and almost my entire family is gone. Life continues its cycle. New births, and heaven’s doors open upon God’s words. I would give my right arm to have what I had when I was younger, but I cherish all that I have in my mind today, and it makes me more thankful when the babies arrive, as I know that no matter what, a piece of me will live on and on for ever and ever, even in our hearts.