Daily Prompt; Sad But True

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/22/daily-prompt-harsh/, DP, Daily Post

Tell us about the harshest, most difficult to hear — but accurate — criticism you’e ever gotten. Does it still apply?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us HARSH.

This is just too weird. This prompt’s topic and a poem I wrote earlier today titled, All Out of Love,  https://terry1954.wordpress.com/2013/10/22/all-out-of-love/

It just is so darn freaky how the mind works. It is ticking even when I am not. After seeing this prompt and wondering why in the world I was writing poetry about my real mother, God only knew.

Before I started writing this I sat here a few minutes thinking. Looking at the date, the month and then I knew. It is almost my real mother’s birthday and also very close to the date of her death.

Oh don’t feel bad or say I am sorry. I heard she died from some stranger on Ancestor. com. I had forgotten that many moons ago I had went on there out of curiosity to see if her name may be there. When I found out there was a charge to belong, I chose instead to leave a comment asking about her.

And even this is plain stupid because I knew for years where she was. I had went to see her three different horrible times. I just wanted to bond so bad. After the last trip out to visit I put the pain and her out of my mind. She didn’t want me and she didn’t want Al.

What she did want was the babies she gave up. She didn’t like the adult part. I let her memories erase from my mind but every once in a while I would allow them to sneak back in and go over my past life.

After calling her with no answer and getting that familiar recording, the number has been changed, I thought that strange. She had lived in her home for years. Even when I tried to write to her, it came back undelivered. This is when I went on the man hunt and ended up at Ancestor.com

A stranger emailed me a few years later and said she had died. Well, that explains why the phone and address were no longer valid. I went through a mourning even though she didn’t deserve it and neither did I. I hurt and cried for a mother I never got to really know.

All she showed me was her bad side, and believe me it wasn’t pretty, and sometimes down right scary. She didn’t deserve us kids, but yet here today I was writing about her.

I had another mom who took care of Al and me since we were five and four. She and I never bonded but a lot of that was my fault. I was a messed up kid who probably didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere.

Life went on. She and I had many ups and downs but when I look back on my life she was the best mom I could have actually had. There was not much show of love, which is what I always have craved but she took good care of me and my brother.

But when I became a teenager I rebelled. I did silly things in my eyes but I knew I was hurting her feelings, but I, at that time, thought she was hurting me too.

One day she said the ultimate words. The words that sliced through my heart and play a big part of my lack of self-confidence today. She said she could not love me like she did her other daughter she and dad had. Wow, what a blow. The feelings I always thought were true were verbally confirmed.

I have forgiven her and I have forgiven myself for my teen years, but when the topic is brought up my insecurities rise quickly. I was a bad kid. I had two moms and neither of them really wanted me.

It is hard to rise above. I tell myself, she didn’t have to marry into a ready-made family. She could have walked a way, so I have to give credit to her for loving me as much as she did. She tried her best, but sad to say, when ever I think back to those times and that day and that one statement, I cry once again.



The Visit

Brick Barn

Thrown out of the car as it was slowly going down the road. Dust flying getting in his eyes. He looks at the car leaving more and more distance between them. He takes off as fast as he can run. He runs for miles but the car can outdo him.

He stops and lays down in the middle of the road. Panting and thirsty he has run out of energy. The heat of the remaining day beats down upon him and he stands up and walks over to a tree providing shade and lies down.

He closes his eyes and rest, sometimes snapping at a passing fly. Feeling rested but tired and hungry he walks down the isolated road. Once in a while a car speeds by  and he blinks his eyes to remove the gravel.

He comes upon a farm. He walks slowly up towards the barn. He doesn’t want to be noticed yet. He has a goal in mind and that is to find water and food. He walks along the side of the barn. Staying in the shadows he stumbles upon a watering trough.

He looks around and sees no one and slowly makes his way to the cool water. He drinks until he belches and then walks back into the darkness. He lays down and again takes another rest.

He sees the car in his memories. He feels unwanted and alone. His eyes have a sad look. Flies keep landing on him as to let him know they will keep him company. He tries chasing them a way but eventually gives up. He closes his eyes for a while and then he hears human voices.

He rises and his ears perk up. They are strange voices but yet comforting. He walks again to the edge of the barn and sees three young people. He loves young people. They play with him. They run with him and best of all they pet him.

He watches the children. They are placing food in bowls and he then sees kittens coming to eat. He licks his lips as his hunger takes over his emotions. He walks slowly a few steps and still watching the kids he yearns for some food also.

He walks a little closer and one of the children notice him. The child kneels down and calls out, come here, come here. Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you. Come on, you can do it.

The voice sounded nice and he sensed no anger. He started to walk over but hesitated. He didn’t want to be afraid again. Come on, come on. The boy whistled and clapped his hands.

He walked slowly until he stood in front of the boy. The boy leaned down and petted his head. Are you hungry boy? Are you thirsty? Do you want some food too?

He wasted no time eating out of the hands of this stranger. The child ran and got a bowl and put some food in it and sat it close to him. The children all watched him eat and one of them filled a bowl with water and sat it down near the food.

After he had eaten and drank all he could he sat looking at all three of these people. One of the kids started to pet him and soon all three were petting him.

He relaxed  and was enjoying what they were doing to him. The kids turned to leave. It was time for supper. They looked back at him to see if he was coming. When they saw he was sitting still they smacked their legs with their hands motioning for him to follow.

He did follow slowly at first and then keeping pace with them let them lead him up to the front door of the house. One of the kids raced inside and yelled to Mom. Come on Mom, come outside. Look what we found. Say we can keep him Mom. He’s all alone.

Mom went outside and when the dog and the Mom looked at each other they saw love. She slowly walked over to him and let him sniff her fingers. He sat still and then licked her fingers showing his approval.

Who do you belong to you beautiful creature? Are you lost? Did someone drop you off? Why would someone drop off such a handsome dog? Alright kids, we will keep him but if his owner returns or we hear of someone losing their pet we will have to give him back. Do we all understand?

Three years later if you drive by on that lonely road you will pass a farm. You will see young people and cats and a beautiful family dog.