Wordplay – Foreplay: Make the ordinary…sexy
It was an ordinary day. I woke early. Put my coffee pot to work. Fed my two cats and let the dog out. I brushed my teeth with my hair brush and then brushed my hair with my toothbrush. Oops, did I get that backwards? Must be old age creeping in. Well I switched them and did it proper.
I let the dog in and started heating up the skillet. Took my three fattest slices of bacon and plopped them in the pan. You know, I could do this blindfolded. I have been fixing this same meal for at least the last six years. I had to, because that old cuss I was married to decided he liked the bottle better than me. I had to give him the choice, the big make it or break it choice.
Would you believe that old buzzard chose the long-necked bottle over this divine body? Old cuss, old fart. I packed up his belongings and threw them and his ugly ass right out on the lawn. Suffer baby. See how ya like being ignored. He makes me so cotton-pickin mad. He didn’t even try to fight it. He just picked up his bags and tipped his hat to me like he was going on some sort of vacation and turned around and walked off.
Darn men, what do we women need them for anyways. They ain’t no good to us anyways except for the sex department. I think that’s about all there is that I truly miss down in my heart and body.
I could count on every Friday night after he got his paycheck he would stock the refrigerator with beer and then he would stock me up for another week. Oh well, it is what it is right?
I use my bacon grease and drop a couple of eggs. Getting them all stirred up in that grease is what makes them really yummy you know. Oh good, the coffee’s done. Looks like mud to me. Oh crap, I forgot to drop the bread down in the toaster. Well I can fix that right quick.
While it’s toasting I fill my plate with my delicious-looking grub. I pour me a steaming hot cup of that brew. Good, toaster isn’t on the blink just yet. Just popped up and now I will slather some good old butter on it. I sit down and say my usual thanks. God thanks for allowing me to still get myself up and fix my own grub. Thanks for watching over me. Now I am hungry. Making this prayer short. Thanks God, Amen.
After breakfast I go find some clean clothes to put on. Coming out into the kitchen I gaze out the window to see how chilly it is. Well what do you know, the temperatures are a rising. It is above 50 already. I don’t need no jacket today.
Good thing I wore my perky bra this morning. With no jacket to wear I wanna make sure I look my best. Who knows who I may see on my morning walk. You know, I still got what it takes.
Nice long legs. I always cover them up with pants though. I don’t want everyone seeing my old ugly varicose veins. Got me a nice sweater that fits me real good. The material is nice and soft. Any man could not resist rubbing his hands over this. See for yourself, touch it, don’t it feel nice?
It shows off my perky bosom when I wear the right push-up bra. Makes my stomach look a little smaller. I put my straw hat on and grab the leash for the dog. Come on mutt, time for our morning exercise. You can pee on any spot you see and be sure to take your dump while we are out. Don’t want you coming back and doing it in our own yard now, ya hear me?
As every day goes and this is no different we head off down the street to the city park. They got an area there all set up for dogs. I can just let him off his leash and he can go play with all the other wild heathens.
I let him go and I find me a nice warm sunny park bench to sit my behind down on. Think I will slip off my loafers and give my toes some wiggle room. What’s this? Oh crap, why didn’t I take the time to dress up those nails with some hot pink color. He’s coming my way.
He plops his butt right down beside me and says good morning man. “How ya doing this fine day?” I look at him and then down at my naked toenails. I say, “I’m a doing just fine and yourself?”
“The sunshine does make a body feel better that’s for sure. I just let my two dogs loose and I saw that they are playing with your dog now. Sort of made me a little frisky just watching them.”
“Oh really now. You mean those dogs running like wild hogs makes you frisky?”
“Well ya sorta. Takes me back in time when I was a lot younger. Lots of energy I used to have. Free and sassy. Taking out a different lady each weekend. Those were the days back then.”
“I see, and now what do you do with your spare time old man?”
“Not a whole lot, what about you?”
“Nothing much same old thing every day. Always bring my dog down here and try to get a walk in each day. You know it helps to keep a gal’s figure in fine shape.”
“Uh yeah I noticed, you got a real fine shape. I just love that sweater. Looks real comfy and soft. Mind if I touch it?”
I looked him straight in the eyes and batted my eye lashes at him and gave him my biggest smile ever. He ran his fingers up and down the arm and said, “Ya it feels real good next to my skin.”
The two became quiet then. They just sat there and watched the dogs running and playing. Soon he pulled out his pocket watch and checked the time. “Well I guess it’s time to be going. I don’t know why I really need to. There isn’t anything waiting for me at home. My wife died a couple of years back. Just hate that empty feeling when I walk through that front door.”
“I know what you mean. Same thing with me. Got me two cats at home and this darn old dog. They all keep me company.”
“Would you like some more company? You can always come home with me?” he asked as he touched my sweater one more time.
What did I tell ya folks. Didn’t I tell ya? This sweater and my perky bra can take a normal routine of a day and turn it into something more. Maybe even a little sexy added in. Get my drift?
The two wink at each other as he slips his hand in hers. They go get their dogs and take off to his house for a little extra out of the ordinary day.