I Can’t Even Think of a Title For This

I have been stressed out today. I know, I shouldn’t be this way, but it was just one of those nasty days from outer space. The bad thing is nothing is so major that I am going to have death knocking at my door.

It is all the little pieces of strings that…

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I Can’t Even Think of a Title For This

Blue_candleI have been stressed out today. I know, I shouldn’t be this way, but it was just one of those nasty days from outer space. The bad thing is nothing is so major that I am going to have death knocking at my door.

It is all the little pieces of strings that attach themselves to me as I walk upon this land. To start off I checked the mail on the way to go see Al. There it was, that bill that the collection agency called me about. Oh no, it is for real.

There was nothing I could do at that moment. I was on the road. Going in to see Al was a disaster in itself. Al was crying and seemed so depressed when I got there. I wanted to turn around and run but thought to myself,coward.

While eating he was leaning forward so far that food kept falling back out of his mouth. He could barely hold his head upright to eat. Then he would get teary-eyed again because he was frustrated. Then his silverware started playing songs on his plate as his tremors decided to have a party during meal time. That made him cry more.

There was a part of me that wanted to leave, because I get so sucked up in his emotions. Another part of me wanted to pick him up and rock him, and the other part of me tried to be the big sister and calm things over.

Finally the truth surfaced. Sunday is Mother’s Day and the 13th, just a few days later is Mom’s birthday. Al loved Mom so much. He has always struggled with her death. I asked him if he would like me to pick him up and the two of us could go place flowers on Mom’s grave. That didn’t go over at all. Then he wailed. Tears and anything liquid that could run did. It took two nurses and me to calm him down.

I wanted to kick myself in the rear. Why did I ask him that? Darn Terry. The truth was I thought it may help him feel closer to her but that idea backfired. I stayed a couple of hours and then I told him I loved him, and would bring him back lunch, snacks and soda when I returned on Sunday.

I went to meet a lady who sold me six nice starter plants of mint and orange mint. They looked really healthy. Next I paid a visit to the collection agency with bill in hand. I was just sure that the medical billing company had not sent  his bill to the proper insurance company.

But that wasn’t the case at all. In fact it was worse. This bill was from 12/2011. I had just been working these past two weeks on Al’s inventory and I knew without a doubt there was no bill I paid for over one thousand dollars.

I asked the lady to get a hold of the company and she said she would get an itemized bill for me. I had also tried calling this company twice while visiting Al but only got those stupid leave a message recordings, and of course they never called me back.

The bad thing about it all now is the time limit is past. According to her you only have one year to declare any changes to address, insurance etc. So by now being almost a year and a half later, no one, not even the government, she said, will go back and pay.

I was sick at heart. Here I am trying to find a way to pay this huge bill the nursing home wants. By the way, I don’t know if any of you keep tabs on the web page link for Al’s fundraiser, but we now have a total of $335.00. Many of you have helped and I so appreciate it. I have emailed and or made comments on the comment page about my deepest thanks. Here is the link if anyone would still care to help him. I think I am down to 52 days left. The link is


So now I have this big debt and a bill for over a thousand dollars and no one will go back and pick it up. I was sad and frustrated and mad all at the same time. I asked her when she received the bill for collection and she stated a week a go.

I pinpointed that this was way past the year dead line and why did the company wait so long? Why did they never send me a bill? She said to go home and wait for the new statement to arrive which would be a week.

I came home and went through the file for that month. I saw where Al had been in the hospital. It showed the correct address and it showed where I had paid them. But guess what, no where in that month or following clear up to this day today was there one single bill from this company. Now I was turning in to Al. I once again cried. Now it is up to almost eight thousand minus the help you all have given for the two bills.

I went outside and tried to erase my mind and planted all of the mint.  After that I didn’t feel like cooking so I went to a nearby restaurant and picked up some supper and I can’t believe I did this, I just can’t believe it. I went through the drive-thru and when I went to the window to pay and pick up the food the gal was complaining of having a bad day.

So what did I do? Yep, you guessed it. I rattled on about the bad two days I have been going through and then I just let loose. I started bawling like a big old baby. I bet that gal thought I had a screw loose. I don’t know if she looked a way or at me but I felt an arm on my arm and it brought me a sense of comfort. A human touch is something I miss very much. I could see that while she was on the other side of the window she was showing me compassion. It helped and then I felt embarrassed because I showed weakness. I thanked her and told myself, don’t come back here until you know they have forgotten your face.

When I came home I found out that the Case Worker has Al’s budget. He and I and the Day Program will all be meeting next Thursday. They will now listen to my request for needs for him and they will discuss the cost to have Al at Day Program. This will all be divided up in his budget and then after this  is decided, it will be sent back to the State. He said he hopes to have Al back in his home by June 1. I was excited and called Al and let him know but he was so sunk in Parkinson’s and Mom that he just cried again wanting to come home tonight.

So we had some good news in the middle of the storm, and now I have to hurry and make sure our house is as clean and open for wheelchair before next Thursday’s inspection. Then I have to figure out how in the world to pay these two debts off. It still makes me angry that the medical place waited until after the deadline to file it with a collection agency. It makes me angry that they never sent one single bill. Unless someone knows of a way around this, I figure Al will be deceased before these two debts are paid off. Or he will pay them until his passing and then they will disappear??? I don’t know.

Bright Skies

King Eddie's Restaurant, 1954

This morning I awoke to no snow. I saw blue skies with a touch of pink in the horizons. A good sign of a nice day. It is to be 45 degrees today, a real taste of Spring.

I already have had my shower and my first cup of coffee. I had to get up early today. In about an hour or so I have to go pick-up Al. The transportation driver had too many appointments so I said I would pick him up. He has an appointment with the neurologist.

He  hasn’t seen Al for about six months. He is still Al’s doctor, but doesn’t stay actively involved any longer. All medications have been tried for Parkinson’s Disease. For some reason they never worked for Al. Instead he would have terrible tremors and drool like a kid in a candy store.

He has fought this disease with no help from PD drugs. He has remained on pain pills to try to lessen the symptoms. He and I are still waiting for word to see if he gets to come home and go to Day Program.

It would be so good for him to regularly associate with men and women his age and with disabilities like his. For this I would be grateful. The spirit of the mind plays a big part of an illness I believe. I received a call last evening stating the facility  now has  Nitrogen for Al. They will use this for pains for his Angina. This could save his life if he is actually  having heart problems and help steady his body until he reaches the ER.

I didn’t tell Al that I plan to take him out to lunch after the appointment. I will let him choose where he goes but I bet he says his favorite little place. Today we shall take his wheelchair. With having to walk from the facility to the car and into the doctor’s office and back out and lunch, I don’t think he will make it.

I had questioned him yesterday when I saw him. I asked if he wanted to use his walker or wheelchair and he requested the wheelchair. He told me he can’t walk that far without accumulating more pain. I figured this but I wanted him to have the choice to choose.

So today hopefully it will be a nice day for him and I. Sun, a little warmer a doctor who makes a lot of jokes during our visits and lunch out. Al will probably be worn out and take a nice nap when I return him.

Inspiring Blog Award


Peace, Love N Whiskers nominated me today for this beautiful award. I just love the symbol of it.

If you have never visited her blog please do.

A little information on this blog;

  1. I did not have a pet until I was in middle school, it was a purple and white parakeet.
  2. I was a part of a 4-H club called pet partners that was run by the animal shelter in Tallahassee. I spend 3 years with them until I aged out when I turned 17.
  3. I wish I had known how important it was to take your pet to the vet when I had cats and dogs. So that’s why I’m very supportive of education programs about pet care and low costs spay/neuter clinics.
  4. I will be attending the BlogPaws Conference this year in Vienna, VA. I am very excited but nervous and scare all at once.
  5. I used to be in chorus in middle school.
  6. I love the color lime green.
  7. I am an only child.
  8. I have four cats… Bubby, Buggy, Miss Bit-bit and Boo.

Rules for the Inspiring Blog Award:

  1. Link back to the person who gave you the award
  2. Post the award on the page –
  3. Answer 7 facts about yourself..
  4. nominate other blogs

Thank-you so much for this amazing award!

1. I listen to the Escape quite a bit on Sirrus Radio

2. I am discovering that I enjoy writing  poetry almost as much as  short stories

3. I went to see Al today and discovered he had fallen Saturday at 3am and they didn’t call me until last evening

4. I am addicted to Wintogreen Lifesavors

5. Spring may not arrive in Indiana as we are to receive snow, and freezing rain after midnight tonight

6. The funeral for my lost loved one is this coming Wednesday

7. Almost 100% of the time I wake up in the mornings and thank God for another chance to breathe


Nominations are;

Sahm King



mythoughtsonthesubjectareasfollows.wordpress.com x

On and On and On

English: Modern wheelchair

English: Modern wheelchair (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Another story I am going to write about. I hope you are not getting tired of hearing about my brother.

I received a call today from an office lady. We have been having issues with Al understanding that he can’t take much money when he goes to outings. This is another similar situation. He was going out and wanted to place a car on lay-a-way at Wal-Mart. He needed more money than what I allow him.

She called to  see if I would approve it and I said no. Now don’t think I am being mean and rude. I just put up two long shelves in his bedroom. I filled them with his cars. I have filled every table and dresser I can and two bookshelves with his things. I can not afford any longer to place cars, coca-cola and other odds and ends on his floor because of his instability.

The rest that I had no safe place to put I bagged and placed in his closet. The facility also does not like him having these cars in his room because of theft. So I said no. I was planning on going to see him so went a few minutes early to talk to him.

I explained why he can’t have the car and he went into his adult temper tantrum. He accused me of not caring about him. He even went so far as to say that I thought he was a retard. Wow, that one threw me for a loop.

I won and he was upset. I dissected his issues and think that  part of him was wanting to throw his fit because he wasn’t getting his way. Another part of him really didn’t comprehend why he couldn’t have more cars. Lastly he doesn’t understand why he doesn’t have his money now. He thinks the facility stole it from him.

I have to admit I think they charge huge amounts of dollars but beside the point I guess. I told Al that he and I have to pay for him to be there. We would save the bigger cars for Birthdays and Christmas.

Finally he settled enough to eat and then his ride appeared to take him. I took her aside and asked her to please quit taking him to Wal-Mart so often. It stirs things up inside his head. That I would prefer if he went to the day program more often than not. I added that stopping to get a diet coke was not a bad idea either. Just keep him out of toy sections and antique stores. He doesn’t need to visit them every single week. She said alright.

I was getting ready to leave and I saw one of the therapist on my way out. She used to come to the house to do Al’s therapy. I stopped and chatted for a few. I asked her how Al was doing in his wheel chair therapy. She said, “We are almost done. He is refusing to do anymore work on it. I am not wasting my time on someone who refuses to do the work.  He claims it hurts to bad. As far as the transfer from chair to wheelchair, this isn’t going bad at all.”

I said,”What else are you trying to get him to do?”

She came back with “We are trying to keep him walking”.

I explained,”I have been over this many times with you and have had a recent meeting about not trying to fix the broken parts. I don’t want you to work on the walking. Not that I don’t want him to try but it is getting very difficult for him. I would much rather have you work on the wheelchair training. This is what he is going to need worse as you have stated he can barely walk anymore”.

She looked at me and said, “Oh I would think you would want him to keep walking.”

“I sure would like that a lot, if he could. He still walks but just tiny distances. It seems to me the wheelchair is going to play a large part in his life from now on”.

She turned away and went back to what she was doing and I turned and left the front doors. I was thinking,here we go again. Another day of I can’t get my point across. Another day of others thinking they can fix the broken pieces.

Can’t anyone hear me? I would give Al my legs if he would walk again. But the Parkinson’s Disease is bigger than Al and me put together. I have to accept that he is walking less and less and depending on the wheelchair. So let’s just work on that and leave it at that, please????