To The Tune of Hush Little Baby


Hush Little Brother

Hush little brother please don’t cry

Sis is going to be here and wipe your eyes.

And if that doesn’t help you much

Sis is gonna take your hands and touch

And if that touch doesn’t do the job

I will get on knees and pray and sob

If the medicines don’t seem to work

Sis will call to God the only clerk

For God is listening every day

He promises he will never walk away

I will stay here by your side

Massage your feet so deep and wide

I will wipe your tears completely away

I will take them on each and every  day

I promise I never wanted this

As I lean down and give your nose a kiss

The time will come and you will know

God will take your pain and away you’ll go

Promise me you will save me a spot

For our family is all we ever really got

So hush little brother don’t say a word

Sis is gonna stay near like a hummingbird.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd






Have You Ever Told Yourself?

Have you ever told yourself, I don’t know what to do, but when the time is right, I will know it.

This is how I have been feeling for a while now. I would think differently and probably not even bother writing this so I do not bore you, but it has been some time and my gut keeps saying,.now Terry, now is the time.

Yet I am pushing it back like it is water trying to go over the cliff. I am the sandbag and yet water trickles around my veins.water

I have seen it coming. I can feel his  pain. Yet I stand and do nothing but hold on tight for his life.

Today, the shower girl told me that Al was bending over much more quickly than he used to making it hard to transfer him to a shower chair.

Yes, I know he can have his shower in bed. Yes, I know things can get much worse. But what concerns me is Al’s livelihood. What will happen to the little bit of spirit once I put the stop sign out.

Al is getting very hard to transfer alone. I keep in mind that I am going to interview a gal tomorrow night to help put him in bed. But that is not the only time he transfers. What about the mornings? What about at his Day Program? What about the risk of putting Al in other people’s hands? What if he falls?

It is here. He is getting too weak to transfer. His legs scream out in pain each time he gives his all to transfer. It may be only three steps but the first one most of the time anymore doesn’t even get taken.skeleton

I know the way I send him to Day Program is through multiple medications to get through the day. He has a special wheelchair that lays back so he can nap and keep his swollen feet up.

I can barely do the holding of him any longer. The shower girl is struggling. I know I need to put a stop to the Day Program or cut his hours down, but I am struggling with the words.

I have spoken to Al about cutting down to half-days and he just starts crying. He loves socializing. He doesn’t ever want to stop. He can’t get from me what he needs from someone other than just a sister. He needs his own space and his own friends.

But yet my inner voice says it is time. How do I do it? How can I break his heart? I just don’t think I can pull it off. What will he have left? Home and his TV? At this point I don’t even know if his cars and coca cola could begin to satisfy his inner urge for normalcy.

He told me before his shower, through flowing tears, that he wishes Mom would just stick her arm a little further down to him so he could reach out and grab it. I hate being a pile of mush crap, but once again, I left the shower girl to tend to Al’s tears and I hid in my bedroom crying.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Lord, lord hear my cry. I am a coward Lord. Please don’t make  me do this to him. I will do anything for you Lord if you just take him home before I have to say no to Day Program. Help me Lord, hear my cries. Take this off of my shoulders Lord. Can’t you see I love him? Don’t you realize it will tear me up inside more than him not going? I beg of you Lord, relieve him. Take him out of his pain. Let him sit near you. Let me know that he is walking again, and most of all Lord, show me a sign that he is smiling.

Standing Ovation For my Blogger Friends

I have a big list of to do things laying in front of me. I am dead tired. I slept terrible last night and was up very early. I am getting ready to take a nap, but I could not let the nap begin without first talking to each of you.

The wonder of prayer is bigger than anything experienced here on earth. I curse myself for being a doubting Thomas, but being tired and frustrated makes me weak.

I am so fortunate to be centered with bloggers. I am able to come to you with tears, joy and requests for prayers. I know I do this quite often, but then again, there are many issues going on every day.

For this day, the meeting went wonderful. I met with the doctor. They are going to be sending him to a different neurologists for second opinions. Al was calm today. I managed to not have to involve the television station, news reporters or the State Board of Health for this one time.

I will be keeping these numbers handy as it seems the rain always pours at a steady stream when it comes to my brother.

It was God and the prayers that came from all over the world that helped Al to be able to return to his own room today. To be able to use his weighted silver ware. To wear his shoes, and to have unlimited drinks.

Although I was happy for him and I, I could not let it slip by what the nurse over the weekend has done to me emotionally and to Al abusively. I did meet with the Top Dog of the facility today, and I spilled my guts about everything down to Al not having his teeth brushed and no drinking water.

If she refuses to make a change with this nurse, or the nurse continues this week with her same attitude I will call my numbers. Al is safe and sound, but for me, my eyes are wide open and my ears are on high alert.

Thank-you each one for the circle of prayers. Never doubt that there is a higher ground than the one we walk on. This is my motto from now on, when I am