Oh Brother, I Miss You

Dear brother,
I couldn’t help but think of you today. I kept remembering back to last year at this time. You were still able to ride your scooter. We had my son and his family here for a cook out and you chattered non-stop.
It got on my nerves and now I feel guilt over that, as I would give my right arm to hear you chatter again.
You watched the little ones doing their sparklers. I was able to take you to the lake and we watched the fireworks while we sat on the bleachers.
Why didn’t I memorize your smiles that night? Maybe I did. Maybe that is why my heart hurts for you tonight.
Have I told you how much I miss you today? If I somehow forgot, I miss you very much.
Do they have beautiful celebrations in heaven? Oh I bet they are more colorful than anything I can imagine.
The same family was here this year bud. We got started a little late but it was alright. The food on the grill tasted good as usual. I know you wouldn’t have eaten the same foods but you know I would have had whatever you wanted and could eat here for you.
The evening was spoiled but I swear I did everything in my power to make it a fun night. I ended up not seeing the fireworks. I didn’t get to see you either.
Now instead of sitting and helping get you cleaned up and ready for bed, I am sitting on my bed alone and crying for you.
I have not felt good for a few months Al. My feet are so sensitive and dry from my nerve damage. I find myself losing my grip. My fingers don’t remain still. My friend says my head tremors. I have noticed myself doing
this too.
My bones hurt and I am sore in so many places. Every day life is beginning to become a struggle. I wish you were here so I could have you to talk to bud.
Some day I am going to see you again then the lonely feelings will disappear. I wish I could change things, but there are some things I just can’t change. You already know this though don’t you? If I could have, I would have kicked MSA to the curb and you and I would have spent July 4th together. I love you brother