Updated Soul

Chip

I am sorry I lost it. I feel so ashamed for my behavior earlier. The thought of Al not being able to walk anymore sort of made me crazy. I try so hard to stay a tough heart person but I guess I suck at it.

It isn’t truly that Al will can not walk, it is that it isn’t safe for him to walk. The little bit of muscle he has left will be drained quickly. I talked to them and there will be no more therapy, no more leg exercises, only arms, to strengthen more or as much as possible to now keep the wheel chair going by himself.

Everything in stages. Walk alone, then learn to walk with walker, then different muscles to learn to push the wheelchair before someone has to push him. I know that I will survive and I appreciate all of the prayers.

I feel like the only way I can get through this is to be hard skinned. I see that a lot these days. People pretending they don’t care about anyone but their own life. No more helping hands unless you make them feel so guilty they reach out.

The world has changed and yet I have remained back in time. I really wish I wasn’t make out of cotton balls and fluff clouds. I wish I could just say, hey, this is the deck that I was dealt, so deal with it.

I went back and read that blog and my face blushed. I sounded like a kitten that got its tail run over. There are so many people who are facing bigger challenges than Al. I am ashamed and so I am sorry I acted like a big baby.

Nothing has changed since I wrote it but minutes ticked by on the clock. No one was waiting for me to wake up after my nap. I still had to make my own supper when I got up. So I need to deal with what life throws me. I am the biggest one to reach out to others and be there, but I am the worst at staying strong myself.

Can I turn this heart and soul in on a newer model? I need to be updated. Please someone check the chip in my brain. I think it is burnt out.

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It Only Takes One To Tear Down A Wall

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Most of us who blog on here believe in what we say or we research and give facts. Others offer great words of praise and encouragement. There is no one that I have met on here who I think is anything else than nice men and women. No one has stalked me. No one has made great laughter at my words. I have had only one time when someone from out of nowhere made a comment that may have been to wake me up, which was to give my brother up to the system,and go live my life. I admit, at first it hurt a tiny bit, but I brushed it aside, realizing this person didn’t know me personally. I am fortunate to have most of my followers and readers  become close enough to me where  I feel comfortable enough to call them by their first name, some of them I have made short cuts in their names such as Buck. Thanks Buck, for letting me call you this and mentioning you in my blog. There is not one of you that are not christian people, and if you are not, you respect my faith that I carry within myself. I feel truly blessed. WordPress has joined together a community that surrounds me daily. Where once before, it was just me and my thoughts, now I wake up knowing that when I get on the computer, there are people waiting to share with me, support me, and go through my journey with me. Leading up to the point I want to make is my dear friend, Sara. http://kyllingsara.wordpress.com/  Sara doesn’t know that I am writing this, and I didn’t think to ask her if this was alright. I hope it is my friend. I am not going to go into any depth about her. If you know her, you know her journey, and if you do not know her, copy and paste the link above, and learn more about her. I believe, and this is my thoughts only, that as followers of God, our job is to spread the word of God. To love they neighbor as thy self. I believe that it is not our place to judge anyone. Only God will do this on judgement day. I may have opinions, but if I can not say something without a promise of support and love following it, then I will say nothing. Who am I, but a mere sinner here on earth. Jesus had to die on the cross to save my soul! I have no right at all to tell anyone if they are right and wrong. I have watched Sara make huge progress, and I have seen a man of faith knock this down with one statement of hurt. She is hurting now and doesn’t know whether to continue with her journey with us or not. I have given her my support, but I can not tell her  to stay or go. I can only have hope. I want to say, I am sorry, Sara. I am sorry for what has been said from someone who follows God, but has decided to take God’s place and judge you today.