Faster Than A Hummingbird


My morning wasn’t like I hoped. The first thing I did was change my sheets. When I came out to the kitchen I started the coffee and walked through the living room and stopped as I saw where Rhino got sick on the carpet.

I grabbed the cleaner and started to do my duty then off to get Al up. I should back track here and say that last night,  he didn’t want to get up from his nap after supper. After trying a few times I finally got him to wake up at 10:30 so he could take his medications and eat his snack.

After he finished he stayed a wake about an hour and then back to sleep. This morning when I woke up I could hear wild tremors through the baby monitor. He was a wake. So when I went in I had a big smile on my face until I pulled his blankets back and gulped and sighed.

Al’s internal furnace doesn’t work. His body doesn’t know if it is too cool him off or heat him up so he sweats terribly. When I stood him up he had sweated so bad that his image lay in the sheets. It was bad enough that the mattress itself was soaked.

I ignored it and got Al cleaned up and dressed for Day Program. After taking him to the kitchen and making his breakfast, I went to the kitty spot and it wasn’t good enough. I had to work at this two more times before I felt it was clean and odor free.

I then headed for Al’s room and stripped his bed and scrubbed the mattress down. After drying it good I took all the dirty linen to the laundry room. Checking on Al’s eating progress I saw that hundreds of beads of sweat  were popping out all over him.

When he finished breakfast he couldn’t brush his teeth as his tremors for the past few days have been quicker than a humming bird’s wings.banddemo.jpg

I brushed his teeth and washed him once again. I got his backpack ready and his lunch bag ready and sat him by the door. I went in and cleaned up the table and did the dishes real quick. I hurried and started the laundry.

When I went back to take Al outside to wait for the bus, he had sweated through his clothes once again. Another wash up and change of shirt. I gave him one of his medications to try to slow down the tremors and the furnace.

By the time the bus loaded him up I was ready for a nap. But it wasn’t going to happen. I had to meet Hospice this morning. Upon seeing him I noticed his sweating had decreased and so did his tremors, but he was in a roaring mood.

He was telling the nurse how bad his legs hurt  and cussing out the illness. She decided to talk to the doctor and see about increasing the dosage on his pain patch and to see if there was something for his tremors.

Al is taking the PRN medications now on a daily basis. The nurse explained that the more he takes the weaker his body will become and his agitated state of mind  will become stronger because he will notice his weakness.

It is like a darn Merry go round. It is never going to end. HPIM0140 He is going to take more and more pain medications to just get through each day until there are no more days left.

On my way home from seeing the nurse I came upon this stretch of road right before turning into my drive way. It is a straight shot. I suddenly started to think floor it Terry, just floor it. Drive like a demon from hell. Get the bugs out of your system. Clean everything out. Let’s go somewhere, nowhere, anywhere, but don’t turn into that drive.

The thought came and flashed a way. I came back to my senses and the sister I know I am and pulled into my drive. Back to reality I go. Check the spot on the floor. Finish the laundry. Squeeze in a little cat nap. Pull the pizza out of the freezer.  Dress it up better than it looks and pop it in the oven. Go outside and sit on the chair watching for the bus to bring my brother home.

I Think He Is Tired


Al was pretty quiet last night; but the night went without incident. Al had his bedtime snack. I believe that this consisted of a Pop Tart, in Cherry, and his diet coke. He took his bedtime medications. I changed his brief and helped him in bed.

Once again Rhino mewed loudly, letting Al and I know that he had been laying in Al’s bed first and he wasn’t a bit happy being disturbed. Oh well, life moves on  Rhino. Adjust, and be happy you are on the inside in air-conditioning and not outside at night.

Obviously, Rhino didn’t agree and didn’t get off the bed. He made Al and I work around him. Can you believe this? A cat who thinks he owns the joint?

Well both were in bed and Al covered up. I told him good night and that I loved him and he said his usual yeah. One time I would like to hear him say love you too, instead of yeah, but at least he speaks.

I went to bed immediately. I could hear his TV in the baby monitor. An hour later I still heard the TV. I finally drifted off to sleep. Lately I have been having these wicked dreams. They are each about the same topic. Someone is trying to take Al from me. Sometimes they are made of monsters.monsters Other times I can see real people who I know, but they are not nice people.Strangers-movie-15

I have a feeling that the reason for these dreams is the fact that I know Al will one day be leaving this earth.

This morning when I woke up I was tired. When I got Al up he didn’t want to get up. I have a sneaky feeling he stayed up pretty late watching Counting Cars on TV. http://www.history.com/shows/counting-cars

I asked him what time he went to sleep since he was useless in the Helping Department. He said about 1am.

I explained to him that I want him to be able to make his own decisions when he can, but we can only stay up late on Friday and Saturday nights. The other nights we should try to go to bed earlier.

It is sort of a no-win situation for him. He tires easily from M.S.A. so when he gets home from the Day Program he is exhausted. As soon as supper is over he pleads to go to bed. I have placed a limit on the evening nap time through the week nights especially. A lot of times even after a nap, he will continue to doze off and on in his lift-chair.

Al was not able to help move his feet, brush his teeth. His head was at all-time low. I told him I could really use his help and hoped he would consider my offer to sleep a little earlier and watch TV less in the late hours. He didn’t say anything.

I did notice that he was sweating very bad. I knew that inside his body his illness was taking advantage of him being tired. I noticed that he had some slight issues with breathing. Not gasping, but a heavy breathing.

I managed to get him to eat and I washed him up. Put clean briefs on him and clean shirt and shorts, shoes and socks. I filled his lunch bag. I got his show-n-tell item ready. Brushed his teeth and hair, and by  now I was the one doing the heavy sweating.

We made it though. Outside and ready for the bus. Here are some pictures I took of Al’s daily trip of his bus ride.

kabs busAl on kabsAl on kabs 2

What Is Going On Here????


What is going on that I can not see? I wish this was a story made-up in my mind, but I am afraid this one is true.

It started a couple of days a go. It was quiet in the house that day. I didn’t even have the TV on. I was folding clothes from the dryer and the baby monitor was sitting right beside me. The only sounds I could hear was my own breathing.

Suddenly out of no where the monitor started going off. The hairs stood up on end on my arms. My arms froze in mid-air as I was folding a towel. My breathing stopped immediately as I leaned closer into the monitor.

I listened and it stopped. Oh good, I was just imagining this. My mind must be wandering.

Then it happened again. I forced my feet to walk towards Al‘s room where the other half of the monitor sat. I stood at his doorway and looked in all directions. I saw nothing, not even an ant crawling on the floor. I walked all the way into his room and opened the closet doors every so quietly. I guess I was expecting the big bad man to jump out at me. “BOO”, but nothing.

I left the room and rubbed my arms trying to get the hairs to settle down. I came out to the living room and sat down and turned the TV on immediately, not wanting to hear anything again.

The sounds were like big static noises, but kind of eerie sounding. Almost like in syllables but not recognizable in any way. I didn’t hear anything again, and had not until today.

I have been at my computer and the sounds reappeared. They are different this time. I can plainly hear them. It sounds like someone is whispering or speaking or something. It comes and goes.

Actually this has been going on for about an hour now. I walked into his room with more courage this time but did not open the closet doors. I looked around much braver but ended up going back to my chair.

As I write it sounds like someone or something is saying hush, hush, and then I will get a big static sound. Something is going on here. I now feel like I am not alone and yet I can see no one. I know you think that I have probably gone wacky, but the more I am typing about it, the louder it gets. It isn’t stopping.  What is going on here?

mystery

Real Or Not


I seemed to rough today, you may be saying to yourself. I didn’t ask the normal questions that I used to do. Instead I explained he was asleep and dreaming. He told me he was asleep, but someone knocked at his door, and it was God standing there when he opened his eyes, but yet he tells me he was awake when this happened. I guess you can take it as you wish. He was asleep and dreaming all this, or he was asleep and woken up and therefore awake for the conversation. I, personally, am not going to challenge this area, as I am still too tired.

We had a busy day yesterday, because of this photo. We got a new kitty. A female calico, whom we named Cali. She is six months old and very ornery. She had lived outside most of her life, and so training for indoor use of a kitty box was a challenge. The first night we had her, she slept  at the edge of my head until five in the morning, then she woke up. I brought her out to the living room where for the millionth time, I tried putting her in her kitty litter box, but each time I placed her there, all four legs went spread eagled and all claws came out. She didn’t go, but instead, chose to go in another area.

At five in the morning, I was not a happy camper! I stayed awake for some time, as she was ready to play, and I wasn’t. She was hungry, and I was not. We had purchased some kitty toys, which she played with for about an hour. My sleep headache kicked in. I hate these headaches, because the only thing that cures them is sleep.

She played and I cleaned up her mess. Finally, she settled down and I laid on the couch, but she didn’t want me to lie down. Instead she chose to jump all over me, and kiss my nose, and purr in my ear. Her play continued once again, and when she finally settled for her morning nap, and I was about asleep on the couch, a half an hour later, Al was up.

Up I go, and get medications ready and  help with breakfast, while that ornery little Cali, lie napping on the couch, that was once claimed mine. As soon as breakfast was over, the shower girl appeared. I had not even had time to get dressed, or maybe I was too tired to dress, but either way, I greeted her in my P.J.’s.

After she left, I laid down on the couch and Al watched television, the cat napped and played, and I slept. It was nice, but I felt so drugged out once my nap was over, because either my age or my body was telling me that it was out of its zone, that I had slept too late.

The rest of the day was spent outside in the shed, cleaning it out, and building a new shelf area, because I can’t quit buying new things I think the yard needs or my son adds his items to the shed, so we needed more space. I also kept putting Cali in the litter box, off and on all day, because I was determined to win this game. She was going to use the litter box or else!

My son and his family was here most of the day, and we grilled out brats and hamburgers on the grill and made some pasta and vegetables for side dishes, for our supper. After all clean up was done, I came into the living room to pick up the darn kitty and try once again, but I was in shock, because she, herself, was climbing into it just as I was going to pick her up and try again. She went! All by herself!. I was so thankful, I was thanking Jesus right there in front of everyone. I didn’t care, who saw or heard me, she was trained!

My son and his girlfriend left for a while, and I watched the boys while Al watched his TV and the boys played. As I was watching them , I noticed how dirty they were from being outside so much, so I gave each of them a bath. I fortunately had clean swim trunks of the oldest boy’s here, so he put those on, but I had no clean clothes for the little one, so I tied one of my sleeveless tank tops in a criss cross direction at the shoulders and slipped this on him. To me, he looked so cute, but his mom said what???? is that???? when she got back, and I explained the bathing, and you can change him to boy clothes when you go home.

By the time they left, it was late, Al was tired, the kitty had been worn out from play. I took a shower and we all went to bed, even the kitty climbed back up on the edge of my head and slept all night until five this morning. This time I didn’t get up, because I knew she knew the kitty box. My sleep wasn’t that good afterwards, although I never got out of bed with her, but she decided she needed to let me know she was awake, by bouncing and  playing all over the bed, after she pottied and ate.

I ignored her and rolled over and through the waves of the bed bouncing, I went back to sleep. I was woke up to Al saying, it’s time. Yep, I had over slept once again. I jumped out of bed, and glanced at the living room floor and it was clean. Cali had done a good job!

I got Al’s medications ready and helped him with breakfast. He needed help with his vitamin this morning from his tremors. Yesterday, the tremors seemed fairly calm, but this morning, they were full force.

I grabbed a cup of coffee and just sat here at the computer desk, looking around at the house, which to me was a disaster. Kitty toys everywhere, kitty litter on the floor. Spills under and around the table last night from Al and the two boys eating. I had to clean up, but I was still tired.

Al is having a very difficult time eating, and it took him quite some time to finish his breakfast, but about three-fourths way through his eating he tells me that God knocked on his bedroom door, and that God came over to his bed and sat down, and told him it is time.

This brought tears and it is also was  when that little bit of roughness came over me. I have heard it so much, that in my heart, I assume that is was another one of his dreams, so I just said calmly to him, you were dreaming bud, but he didn’t buy it, and I didn’t want to argue, so as he told his story, I drank my coffee and smoked my cigarette, and didn’t offer any words to him. I am not going to try to prove him or me right or wrong, what’s the use? He is still sitting here, breathing, crying and eating, so it isn’t time right this moment.

I can’t keep doing it! I can’t keep getting myself all worked up thinking that each word he says about how God visits him, I go to pieces, thinking I am going to lose Al at anytime! Watching him more than I needed to. It makes me stressed more than usual, and I don’t need this, and neither does he.

I sat down here to start this story, and got the first four words on paper, and I hear him come out of his bathroom, and ask me to wash his back. I said sure, and got up and went to his bathroom to help him. His body was covered in heavy sweat, which is beginning to be a normal thing for him daily for about an hour after he rises, so I washed him all down and  powdered his back and chest. I put his deodorant on him and placed the toothpaste on his toothbrush.

I looked at his room, and chuckled to myself. It doesn’t matter how much Al sweats, or how many tears are falling, or whether God came to him or not, he doesn’t budge from his routine.

There in his recliner, sat a pile of coca cola items, leaving him no  place to sit. He had taken  his dirty sheets off and they were lying on the floor. It is Thursday!, changing sheet day. Time for me to get to work on his room.

I placed my thoughts on hold, went in and moved all the coca cola items away from his bed so I could get in around the bed to make it with clean sheets. Al was standing in the doorway hanging onto both sides of the door frame, waiting for me to finish. When I was finished, he made his way to his recliner, and neatly placed each collection item back on the edge of the bed, so he could study them through out the day.

There is one piece that our dear friend had sent him in the gift box last month, and it is a Christmas, coca cola ornament. I have the baby monitor system so that I can hear him if he yells for me, and each night as I lie down to go to sleep, I hear a Christmas song being played, coming over the monitor. Al took this ornament, that he treasures so much, and placed it on the very top of his pile on the bed, and nearest to him, so he can play it through out the day.

We go through many changes in one day here, but Al’s routine never changes even through the tears, and visions and pain he endures. I chuckled again as I walked out of his room, amazed at what this man can endure, but yet keep his mind cemented to. I am now sitting here writing this. Al is watching television and I hear a bell in the background, letting me know that Cali is not napping yet. After I am finished, I will begin to clean the house up once again for the day.