Laying in bed all covered up. 9pm and watching Bad News Bears. Seeing the faces of these little kids wanting to play ball so badly with a drunk coach that cares more about the can than the kids.
The kids lose all respect for the drunken coach. They take a vote and decide to quit. They had been teased enough by classmates. As I am watching this show something in me is beginning to connect with these kids who are starting to believe they are losers.
Are they really losers or do they just need a push and words of praise? I believe the latter. I find that this is true for all of us who walk this earth. Believing we are nothing and worthless doesn’t make life a great place to walk among other human life.
I started to see my own self as a could be loser. I was having a good beginning to a nice big pity party. I thought about my swim class and how I have missed this week because of appointments for my brother and the known fact that I am too big of a scardy cat to drive on the snow and in the frigid temperatures.
I began to place myself in make-believe places. I envisioned myself fixing up my face. Using my make-up to make others believe that I was a hottie. I made my eyes pop. I had nice pouty red lips. Flawless skin with nice peachy colored cheeks. I would slide into my tightest fitting pants. Put on a push-up bra and slip a silky top over my chest. Spraying perfume that would drive the guys crazy, I agonized the pain as I squeezed my big feet into four-inch spikes.
There I did it. I looked like Olivia Newton John in the movie Grease. A real looker. I got in my car and drove to the busiest bar and parked. Standing outside the double doors I lit a cigarette and opened the doors making sure to stay there long enough to get the looks coming my way.
Reality smacked me right in the face as some big smart ass made a crack,look at granny there thinking she’s all that and more. Darn, she must be hard up for sex guys. Which one of you is going to be her first?
The smack was hard and I dropped the smoke from my lips and it burnt my perky little blouse as it fell to the ground in ashes. Stepping on it with my heels, I flipped my hair and gave them the bird and turned around and walked a way. I was not going to give them the satisfaction of knowing they had broken this heart.
After letting that vision fall to the floor, I flipped the stations while a commercial was on. Ice-skaters were skating for competition. My visions picked back up as I saw myself standing in front of my dressing room. I had beautiful brown hair that was pulled up tightly into braids on top of my head. My eyes were deep brown and my brows were perfectly lined. Carefully painted red lips adorned my face.
As I smoothed my costume I ran my hands down the curves of my body. I had done good. There was not even an inch to pinch. Hard work outs and starving myself had paid off. I was beautiful. I could hear the crowds cheering. They were calling my name. They wanted to see me skate. I was tagged as a favorite for this years competition.
I walked out of my dressing room and put on my skates and laced them up. I stood at the edge of the rink and saw dozens of roses falling over the floor. All of a sudden I saw myself as the girl who stared in the movie with Rob Lowe. Was her name Lindsey? I can’t remember. She was blind but beautiful and a fabulous skater. She did her routine and then fell over the roses.
For me I walked out with an attitude of beauty and desire and tripped right over the roses. I fell onto the ice head first breaking my nose. Well, there goes that dream. Poof it was gone. The commercial is over so back to the movie.
Because of low esteem and anger towards the coach the kids were acting out. They were punishing the coach for letting them down. The manager had recognized his faults and came back to where he should have been all along. He wanted a second chance. How many times do we as adults give second chances? For kids I think this comes easier. They trust quicker than adults do. After a couple of practices they are all coming together as a team.
I looked at myself. I stripped myself down to nothing. All that was left was the heart and soul that the skin was holding in place. Having given birth three times was the first thing that was sticking out to me. Thank goodness for tummy huggers. We can hide what we don’t want shown.
Growing older is definitely a reason for the sagging to start showing. Boobs that once stood on their own now need a little help from a Madonna bra. The droopy butt needed a pair of panties with a lift for the behind.
Somewhere out there I know there is a woman who has been exactly where I am at today. To have created these wonderful allusions to make us go back to a time when we were younger and with skin much firmer is definitely a dream come true.
It was fun to play make-believe It made me laugh. It lightened my mood, and I learned a good lesson that I didn’t even realize until it was over. We live and we play hard in life. We are where we are today because of the paths we have chosen. I may not have that bar look, and I am definitely not one whose name is mentioned often. But I am me, proud of who I am. I have lived, had beautiful babies, taken care of sick, made others feel better. I write, I have what I am supposed to be having for the moment. Who knows what the next door holds that I will walk through.
I still have my dreams. I think it is very important to have dreams and goals. I don’t think it is silly to want to leave one mark on this earth. I am learning through experiences that laughter can be found in small places. I even laughed at myself and this is rare. Life is good isn’t it………
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