Not a Good Time

Friday night when Alcame home from his Day Program I knew almost instantly it was not going to be a

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Not a Good Time

Friday night when Al came home from his Day Program I knew almost instantly it was not going to be a good night for him. I fixed him supper but he didn’t eat very well. After supper I did the usual partial bath for him. He couldn’t brush his own teeth, so I did it for him.

He did not want to sit in his chair and watch TV. He wanted to lay down. I put him to  bed, and turned the over head fan on and the box fan. I left him alone for a while. I didn’t worry because I knew that he would be up at 8 to start watching his favorite TV programs.

Well 8 came and I didn’t hear any horn sounding so I went in and he refused to get up. He said he was just so tired. I hated letting him sleep, but that is my old-set mind speaking. My new mind is thinking, let him sleep, he is tired and sick.

So he went back to sleep. At 9:30 I had to wake him up so he could take his bedtime medications and eat his snack. I just knew he would want to get up for this part. He loves his bedtime snack. Last night it was the new Hostess snack.

But no, he didn’t want to get up. He insisted on staying in bed. So like a good sister I kept my mouth and mind thoughts shut. I went and got his medications, snack and diet coke ready and brought it to him on a tray like a king would deserve.

He did eat and I changed his brief and he went back to sleep until this morning when I had to wake him up.

This morning was no better except for the fact I did get him up. His entire bed was wet, and he needed to be washed up good. I fixed him pancakes and two sausages for breakfast. Along with this he had a glass of prune juice and milk.

He ate half of his meal and then he began sweating. He sweat so bad he looked like he had just climbed out of the shower and hadn’t dried off yet. His breathing became louder and he sounded like he was gasping.

I always think this is due from his head laying on his chest while he is eating. I talked to the doctor and nurse and they said at this point if they put a brace on his neck to hold his head up the food would go ahead and slide down his lungs, making him aspirate. They said right now the bent head is saving his life.

He has done this gasping two more times this week but then it stopped. Today it hasn’t stopped. I took him in the bathroom after he said he couldn’t eat all his breakfast and washed him up good.

He had goosebumps all over him. His skin was so cold. As soon as I dried him off the sweat returned. His breathing got worse as he stood so I could change his brief again. After breakfast I asked him if he wanted to sit out here with me for a while or sit in his lift-chair.

He said he wanted to go back to bed. Sadly I put him back to bed. I turned on both of his fans from his sweating but he said I was freezing him, so I turned them off and covered him up.

His tremors became so acute, and his sweating and breathing had been doing their thing for an hour now. After placing him in bed I called Hospice.

She said, “unfortunately this is part of his illness. He is just declining. You know the emergency medication you have there for him? Please use it now. We will call back later to see how he is. There is really nothing more we can do at this point but keep him comfortable.”

I hung up desperately wanting a fix through her answer but got nothing but the emergency medication to slow down his body inside. I gave him a dose and within ten minutes he was asleep and breathing normal once again.

I still deal with giving him these big time medications but I have to get over it and past it. They help him, I can see this. We were supposed to go to a little consignment shop today but he told me he didn’t want to go. He started to cry and I asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Because I messed up our plans. This disease just ruins everything.”

“No bud, it is alright. You didn’t ruin anything. What is important is that you and I are together today. We will get through this together. Don’t you worry.”

His crying stopped. I have taken the time to stop and write this but now I must mop the floor in the kitchen where he had an accident and take a quick shower. Talk to you later.

I Love You

When you lay me down

Be gentle  please

For a love so strong

Needs time to feel

To build up desires

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I Love You

When you lay me down

Be gentle  please

For a love so strong

Needs time to feel

To build up desires

To say the unspoken

For there have come

And gone those who

Have spoken but

Left before I

Could believe

As I look in your eyes

And search for the truth

As you explore

My blossoms

Stop and remember

That my love is real

That I am giving to you

All of my being

As our bodies

Become one

And our hearts

Join  together

Remember the touch

They way I feel

in your hands

Engrave in your mind

That I love you

For always and forever.

Terry Shepherd

05/26/2013

 

 

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Where Are The Tremors? I Heard They Leave In The Final Stage

Hi to all of my blogger friends! I had a couple of good friends ask where I was. I know I post too much, but you are the ones I talk to in my life, so I can not help it. Yesterday, I was barely on the internet, just popping in to see if there were any fires or emergencies. LOL.

I was down, and let me tell you, I hate it when I get down, and most of the time, I don’t even know what took me down in the beginning. I was fine when I woke up, and I think it may have started when I had to strip Al’s bed down to the mattress, as he had soaked his bed good. He had done this the night before also, and even today, during his nap, he wet, but I didn’t have to strip the whole bed, just had to make surface changes.

Yesterday, before I could start drinking my coffee, I had the complete bed change, Al to wash up and shave, and then fix him breakfast, and then drink my coffee. I spent the day floating from then on, but not really having my mind anywhere particular.

I switched out Al and my summer clothing and replaced with all fall and winter. I could see that I am going to have to purchase some smaller pants for Al,  just by comparing him to his sweats, there is much difference in sizes. I did laundry, and then felt so pooped half way through the day, that I ended up taking a nap.

I should not be feeling this way. I am middle-aged but I am not ready for the rocker on the porch thing, so I don’t know why I am so darn tired all the time.

This Parkinson’s is a tricky business. While Al can go from sad to happy in ten seconds, his tremors have slowed down immensely for several days. I read on a couple of web sites, that the final stage can bring a slowness in tremors, so while they are slowing, I am having to face the fact, that he is definitely becoming incontinent permanently. He is wet all through sleeping times, and he does not soak through the day usually, but he does wet, so while some things are slowing, others are speeding up.

Last evening, I was still down, but a very good friend of mine pushed me back to normal by talking to me through emails for a couple of hours. She is just what I needed, plenty of laughter, and complaining about our days, just girl stuff, you know??

I woke up still in a good mood today, so I am glad the sadness has left for today also. I changed his sheets and bathed him, got his breakfast, and then sat here at the computer with my hot coffee and wrote a writing exercise, and did a couple of quotes, and even played a game, that I love on FB.

Al has continued his calm tremors today and I have seen plenty of smiles, and a couple of laughs. He even refused his noon pain medications, but by supper he was freezing a little and staggering, so I gave him two of his pain meds.

I fixed lasagna for supper with biscuits and corn, and he acted like he had not eaten for years. He gobbled it up in no time at all. He is sitting on the couch reading the paper, and I don’t even hear the paper rattling like I usually do from his tremors.

All in all it has been a good day today. I can’t figure out the PD, but I am thankful for a good day and laughter from Al.

In The Shadows

Darkness (Photo credit: Roberto F.)

She sat there on the edge of her bed. Watching the late night news, not realizing that someone else was watching the news also. She slipped off her nightie and reached over on to the night stand to get her lotion, that she put on her body each night before climbing into bed. He watched her also. Creeping a little bit closer, softly, quietly, not wanting her to know he was so near. She started with her arms and moved down to her legs, lifting one up at a time, massaging the lotion in. He was close enough that he could smell the odor and his mouth began to water. He moved a little closer to get into position. She finished with her lotion and got up, startling him, and forcing him to move back a few feet. He had been here before, a couple of times, just checking out the place, finding all the good hiding spots. Right now he was centered in one of his darkest, shadowed areas. Near enough to make a move, but not perfect enough for her not to see him. He had left on prior trips, that he had visited, because he was not hungry enough nor did he have the energy to do anything about it. He had a busy day. Gathering food, locating a new home location. He had just moved into the neighborhood. He had come this way, down this quiet street, several times, noticing that many of his friends had been steadily moving into the area. There didn’t seem to be too many children living around here, and the adults that lived here were older and didn’t move too quickly. He was quite sure, that he would be quite comfortable here and could have a long, healthy life. She sat on the edge of her bed again, and turned off the television. She laid down and covered herself up with her blankets, fluffing and rearranging her pillow so that it was the  perfect fit for her head. She clapped her hands together, and the ceiling  and dresser lights went off. Darkness was all around. The breezes blowing the curtains at her bedroom window, casting shadows on the walls. He moved over to the window, and laid very close to the window sill, taking in the night-time smells. He then went to the opposite side of her bed, and softly, ever so gently, climbed up the side of her bedspread. He was looking at her. Her eyes were closed, and the smell of her body, was making him excited as she began to settle down for the night, moving less and less. He moved a little closer. He could almost feel the breath coming from her nostrils as she laid  breathing. He moved up a little closer, reaching out and gently caressing her hair. Slowly scanning her head, and then moving on to her pillow. He laid there for a while, he knew he had time. Watching her ever so closely, waiting to make his move, she suddenly threw her arm over him as she turned her body over to the other side. It startled him and he made a hissing sound as he was forced to put himself into a new position. Once again he moved at the edges of her hair, feeling the prickles of each hair  touching his skin. He was getting a little agitated with her movements. He wanted her to lay  still. Not moving, making it easier to complete the task he had come here to do. He waited patiently, watching for movements to be stilled. He was patient once again, knowing that this would all pay off and the prize would be his in the end. After some time had passed, breathing was very shallow, he knew the timing was now. He was moving around her, positioning himself, about two inches from her neck. He got himself pumped up and was ready to make his move, when the lights suddenly became alive with light. He quickly moved away, moving above her head and quickly getting off the bed. He crawled on his belly, staying close to the bedspread, so as not to be seen. He moved to the corner and sticking his head out just enough to see what has happening. A man was standing there.He heard a sound coming from her body, some mumbling, that only the man seemed to understand. The man sat on the edge of the bed, and started to undress. This was not going to be a good night after all. He had to escape without being seen. His timing had been off, as he never expected another person to show up. He was going to have to get out of here NOW, and come back another night. He backed up, so as not to be seen, and the snake wiggled his way under the bed, and out of the bedroom door, and made it to the same opening he had come in through. He would save this for a new night.