Breathing | Who I am

Well, well, well, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and today is improving Tuesday. Yes, Al is more aware and awake. He has eaten for me all day. He plans on going to Day Program tomorrow which means I can get some fresh air and go to the grocery store.

He is still very weak, he continues to have his treacherous tremors but his spirit is brighter. He has sat in his recliner two different times for short periods.

I am sighing a long breath of stale air where I had been hanging on to every breath I took wondering what was coming next.

It looks like we are on an up swing and I don’t care how long it last as long as he is content each moment. When the bad day comes again, I can look back at Improving Tuesday.

We do have a bigger problem though since he is definitely weaker. This is not a temporary thing. The new weakness is here to stay, partly due to the illness, and partly due to the increase of pain medications.

Come here, come real close, I want to ask you a gentle question. Do you have a weak stomach? If you do you may not want to read further, but if you can take it can I discuss the word POOP with you?

I have your permission? You can handle it? Alright then, here is the situation. Have you ever sat for minutes waiting, reading your magazines, smoking a cigarette, more waiting and nothing happens on the Big John?

You read some more, you relax, you push until your eyes bug out and your face looks sunburned. Eventually you score, victory is yours. You smile, you won, another battle is over.

Well for Al those muscles that you and I use don’t work anymore. He takes all sorts of medicines to help but help doesn’t come.

Now that he is weaker those muscles are weaker also. He is also hard to stand for the Day Program people too because of his weakness.

The terrible thing about M.S.A. is that his mind is in tact. He knows it is wrong to do the deed in his brief so he is fighting it. I have been speaking to him on and off all day about how it may be time for him to go in his brief because his body can’t make the trip to the toilet.

He cries and says he will stink. Of course I pipe up and say absolutely not. You just say that you need to be changed right now and who ever is with you will run to the bathroom faster than you can say Monkey’s Uncle.

He didn’t think that was funny, but seriously friends, his body can’t get to the bathroom. It is a transfer from bed to wheelchair to toilet to a sitting down position. Then the physical work of making pudding pops, then standing back up transferring to his wheelchair and back into bed.

For a tired body and a weak heart that is a lot of work. Even today Al sitting in his recliner twice for short periods you would have thought he had just carried a bundle of firewood, he was breathing that heavy.

This is one battle that I and the nurses and Day Program have to win in order for Al not to have another big heart attack.

Alright, that wasn’t too bad of talk was it? Are you sick to your stomach? Should I excuse you so you can leave?

On the bright side a friend of mine sent me the Teddy Bear today. It is the M.S.A. bear that I put on my blogs a lot. It is a sign of hope for a cure so people don’t have to suffer like Al does.